How Self-Compassion Changes Everything

Have you ever helped a stranger—and then felt an unexpected sense of kindness toward yourself? If so, do share your story!

Share your reflections below!

  • Cecilia says:

    Thank you all for your important work and for sharing it. Learning about selfcompassion has been and is very important for me in my life.

  • Helen says:

    Yes. The homeless. A woman named Shirley who shows up often when I go to work.

  • Joann says:

    Wow! I loved the integrity and profound candor and understanding of their own journeys are made of. Also, the thorough understanding of how to invite someone into that.

  • Angela kramer says:

    Yes, yes last do it, it is very important to teach us all what to do with self compassion, thank you all of you in taking your precious time to give us what we have to learn in this wonderful World 🌎 we all need that.🙏

  • Jane says:

    Thank you so much for this presentation. I have been struggling a bit in my own life and have been way too hard on myself. You have both given me many ideas to move forward. I am very interested in your training to bring kindness and inner strength. Thank you.

  • Becki Smith says:

    I NEED self compassion. Listening to this 3rd talk, I realize my husband needs it even more….

  • B David Smith says:

    Compelling thoughts. I move immediately towards resistance but I know their work is the way through. Thank you.

  • John says:

    I’ve struggled with the critical self deprecating voice inside. Having moments of beating myself up for saying something awkward that may embarrass another person or myself then ruminating about it. I appreciate this self compassionate talk with the hopes it will stop my inner voice. Thanks for making me believe I’m not alone.

  • Timothy Boeve says:

    Hi, just listening to Tami’s request for feedback. I have only caught this final segment of the three. What immediately came to me was that I found myself with a full smile listening particularly to Chris. Maybe because, as a man who struggles with having self-confidence myself, I could internally relate to what he was saying. His experience climbing with his wife really touched me. Furthermore, I realize how deeply I need to develop self-compassion while I continue in my mindfulness training and practice. Thank you, Tami, for your thoughtful questions, and for the work of Sounds True. Tim Boeve

  • linda says:

    Tami, Your personal story was so moving and I think served to hit the nail right on the head. Thank you for you sharing your truth with the audience.

  • Lois Knopf says:

    It has never occurred to me that I could behaviorally learn to care for myself and stop berating myself. This is wonderful stuff. Thanks

  • Julian says:

    Thank you for a very helpful series. I get reactive sometimes when triggered, and the progressive/purification path I’ve sort’ve been on for so many years seems to be telling me that I need to erase/ let go of those parts of me that I deem unworthy, bad, weak or unenlightened. It was so refreshing to hear Kristin say that those parts of you may never change much, that they are part of your particular personality, and that’s OK! I can’t tell you how beautiful that sounds! Very very helpful. Thank you.

  • Victoria Brahe-Wiley says:

    I thank God for His Gift of the 3 of you.

  • Conrad says:

    Can’t access these videos !
    Please clarify how!

  • Zori says:

    A revolution of the heart: self compassion!! I love it!! And I’m there!!

  • Sue L says:

    Thank You from the bottom of my heart for this information. I have been on a spiritual journey in recovery for almost 40 years. I found the “caboose” analogy very helpful. this issue of self compassion seems to be the slowest part to come into place. I’m so grateful to know I am not the only one who feels this way! Thank you again for your important work for humanity and the world.

  • Lisa says:

    Interesting question highlighted by some of the sharing below. I chose to take-away tea from a local coffee shop yesterday to support them through the covid 19 pandemic, (shop maybe totally shut today). At first I was being nice which didn’t open up much and later I saw it as an act of compassion toward the young owners of the newly acquired coffee shop. Reading your question today has allowed me to connect how my compassion towards others does bring kindness toward myself. There is an expression “if you can’t receive, you can’t give”.

    Thank you for this wonderful presentation.

  • Ed says:

    I really enjoyed all three of the videos. Thank you to all involved for putting the presentation together. If I could summarize what I feel I’ve learned it would be that: Mindfulness + Vulnerability + Self-Compassion = A Healing and Personal Growth
    And the possibilities for mutually practiced self-compassion to mend and improve relationships is boundless.

  • Liz says:

    That final presentation was such a revelation! Thank you.
    Humility is a real energiser. I had never realised how much. Being able to open oneself is so powerful, both externally and internally. I have even more to reflect and work on now but with so much more self-compassion.

  • Annabelle says:

    What has stuck with me? The importance of self compassion on individual, local, and global levels and how it can be effective for creating change but mostly that it is a portable tool that can be used in a myriad of situations. With just what you have shared, I have some more tools to work with for my own self growth. Thank you!

  • Patricia Numberg says:

    The Radical Non Fixing agenda really struck me as super positive! Holding space,letting emotions flow without judgement FOR myself. Yes I can do that for others but now I’ll try to do that for me.
    With gratitude,

  • Nina says:

    I have been a mindfulness practitioner for two decades, and I noticed a huge shift after I took the eight week MSC course a little over a year ago. Since that time, my meditation practice has been focused on self compassion and my perspective on some difficult issues has shifted to the extent creating much more well-being and strength. It really has helped me tremendously to go much deeper and has brought a powerful awareness to some huge misconceptions about myself. This work is wonderful, and I thank you for your dedication and research in this area. It truly is a gift. ❤️

  • Anna says:

    Thank you❣️I need More selfcompassion in my life. I have Been Through the program before and I need a reminder and continue with the work. ❤️

  • Christine says:

    Thank you.
    I liked the definition of “shame disorder” as apposed to “anxiety disorder”.
    When we are able to fully embrace self compassion, “sorrow interwoven with joy” is such a great way to describe the experience.
    This is wonderful, useful work.
    Thank you. Thank you.

  • Carmen says:

    Self-compassion has been the missing link to healing from depression and anxiety. Thank you for sharing your heartfelt stories. They were quite meaningful to me. I am very grateful for this video series.

  • Vanessa says:

    Thank you all for making this possible. It is really motivating hearing you in the context in which we are right now. I really appreciate that you put this serie of videos for free access. I will keep this sense of being warm, kind and supportive with myself, allow me to have that experience that I try to give to other people. It was really lovely to realize that I deserve the same care and that allows me to be more available to others. Thank you so much to Sounds True and to Kristin and Chris.

  • Mary says:

    This is my vision of a new sustainable culture for the whole world!

  • Latrice Dailey says:

    This was amazing series. I connected with both professionals. I instantly started to implement strategies mentioned with ease.

  • Shelley says:

    I am an LCSW who has read the book “Self Compassion ” and has shared many of the exercises and readings with my clients. I was surprised how so many of my clients did not know how to be compassionate with themselves, but were sble to be compassionate
    with others. The feedback from those who read the book and practiced the exercises was that it was beneficial in helping them like themselves more and become more caring to themselves.
    Thank you so much for starting the
    self compassion movement!!

  • Sharon says:

    Thank you for a beautiful program. These are incredibly stressful times and you reminded me that I could use mindful self-compassion to deal with my stress.
    I was struck by how quickly my panicky sensation subsided as I sat with my fear, caressing it and also, soothing myself. I am usually pretty selfish but sitting with my fear also filled me with compassion for the rest of the world without my even thinking about it.
    It was interesting to me that when I connected with the fear in myself, this connection with the rest of humanity happened automatically. Suddenly I was not only not afraid but I was not alone anymore either.
    I really appreciate that you awakened this resource within me.

  • Patty R says:

    I felt a connection to this work. My head/heart recognized an aha moment.

  • Kelly says:

    The work of Kristin & Chris has been dancing in & out of my life for a couple of years now. It was a strongly referenced resource in another online course I took early last year and then my mother, on the advice of her physician, took one of their workshops in Ann Arbor, Michigan late last year. She and I were registered to attend their workshop here in Kansas City in April. For obvious (and good) reasons, it was cancelled. However, I have their workbook & plan to dig in & devote time to it during our current Stay at Home order. The invitation and gift of this series was a perfect way to start that journey. Thanks to all for providing this! How foundational & profound this message of Self Compassion is. I truly believe it’s a core practice that walks hand in hand with mindfulness. I am opening my heart to this with joy and gratitude ❤

  • Ali says:

    What’s stuck with me from these 3 talks is that this is the path for me to develop in being a person of Love, and maybe some of my old personality traits and habits aren’t serving me as much as they once did. Now is the time to evolve—compassionately!

  • Britta says:

    Dear Kristin, dear Chris,
    I’m a teacher in a social focal point and I have been regularly practicing meditation for about 6 years now. In 2017/18 I became a teacher for MBSR.
    Last year I suddenly had heart problems , tachycardia and after a few weeks trying to ignore it, culminating in atrial fibrillation. This at last showed me that I had to change something profoundly in my life. I went to a psychosomatic clinic and now I am doing an analytical psychotherapy. Fortunately I have a sabbatical this year and I have time to watch online sessions like yours 🙂 After watching the interview I realised for the first time that what happened to me had to happen because of my lack of self compassion. Being a highly sensitive person I felt so much compassion for the kids (aged 6 – 10, the innocent) in my school and the clients in my MBSR classes but forgot about myself for many, many years. So my heart said: STOP! Now I understand the connection. After a childhood with a very needy mother and a mostly absent father It had to come this way.
    Thank you so much for giving me an idea and showing a way out of this one way street!
    Love, Britta

  • MK says:

    In response to your question about feeling an unexpected sense of kindness toward myself when ever I have helped a stranger I can make a brief comment here. I have noticed a nice healthy dose of dopamine and a sense of love coming from me to them, a caring sense of love, as if we are in it together. I enjoy looking at their face and into their eyes.

  • Linda says:

    I saw a woman who had a wheeled suitcase with her sitting outside a coffee kiosk. I heard her say “spare change?” as I walked by. I passed her by, but thought about her for the next few days. Her expression was weary and “real”. I saw her again a few days later and I recognized her face literally and as a mirror of my own weariness. This time I gave her a five dollar bill and she said “it’s for food.” I responded with “it’s for you to do what ever you want with it.” “For YOU”. Her face relaxed into a very lovely and sweet expression that has also etched itself onto my visual memory just as her weary face had. The change in her face moved me to feel hopeful. I rarely accept myself, and rarely perceive kindness towards myself from myself or others. This woman was a generous receiver. Her facial expression disarmed me. The exchange between us was genuine and without strings attached. I have been basking in the softness of her face since that exchange.

    • Lisa says:

      Wow. What a beautiful experience for both of you. And, I hope I’m wrong, but probably a rare one. This reminds me to be a “generous receiver” . Thank you for sharing such an intimate exchange.

  • Thanks for parts one and two. says:

    Part 3 won’t play. Thanks for parts one and two.

  • Lieke says:

    It was once again clear to me that the flight fight freight respons comes when I or somebody else feels treathened and to lovingly research and adress that treath.

  • Joleen says:

    Absolutely!!!!!!! I almost always feel great and better about myself
    helping others…. the only exception is when I am coerced to help and it is not of my own accord.

  • Gina says:

    I’ve handed pan handlers money now and again and I have felt struck by compassion for the struggles they go through. I wouldn’t say I felt kindness for myself .. but rather, identifying with the suffering of that person: shame, insecurity, hardship just to do the tiniest things we all take for granted. So maybe I’m experiencing a stage that happens before I feel kindness for myself?? Because so far, it’s mostly identifying with that persons hardships

    • Lizzie says:

      I think you are being compassionate. Self-compassion in my view is the kindness we extend to ourselves in hard times, SO that we can stay kind and giving.

  • DeBora M. Ricks says:

    First this must be said, what an extraordinarily brilliant series!

    I’d mistakenly thought I understood self-compassion, that I was doing a pretty good job applying it to my life. I now realize after watching this series that self-compassion is colossal. It’s much bigger and expansive than I thought. Consequently, I saw how a lack of self-compassion had a part in my persisting in things that I desire to do but don’t feel I’m doing well. Secretly, unbeknownst to myself, I’d been criticizing myself for not being as good as I’d like to be. So I’d quit.
    After watching this series, I better know where to apply more self-compassion.

  • Andrea says:

    Thank you for sharing these concepts.
    I have been an off and on practitioner of Vipassana for many years and enjoy the results of doing Metta. However, I can do mindful meditation while beating myself up emotionally. Now that I think about it, self flagellation can’t really happen at the same time I’m truly in the present.
    Okay, I suppose the constant negative criticism in childhood does make this compassion difficult to come by but it’s all the more reason to supercede it. There’s a sense that if I don’t continue with the negative criticism I will reject or negate my parents. Oh, another new insight.
    There’s a faint recollection of the story of the Goddess Innana who descended into the Underworld and it was only by self compassion she was able to escape. It seems to be true that if you can give compassion to yourself, then your capacity for compassion for others is increased.
    Is there any connection with the Inner Child in this process?
    We really do need this now especially . Thanks.

  • Rebecca says:

    Thank you so much for the opportunity to hear about the research, the personal examples, the great questions from Tami. I am given so much hope for our future and for our NOW! Very inspirational and I will look forward to more information about the online course. Thank you again.

  • Kim says:

    My husband and I helped a cat that was in the parking lot of my aunt’s apartment building. It was a cold, rainy February day and this poor cat’s body language said, “I’m exhausted.” She wasn’t wearing a collar, so we scooped her up, wrapped her in a blanket and drove her to the local animal shelter where they got her some food and her own space. We would have taken her home with us, but since we had three cats, we did the best that we could. We followed up on the cat’s status and learned that a family adopted her. I felt kindness and strength toward myself because I stood up for what I knew was right for that cat. On that day my husband and I were picking my mom (who lives with us) up from vising her sister. Although my mom has many wonderful qualities, I could tell that she just wanted to get home and not worry about some stray cat. I put aside my mom’s negative looks and body language as my spouse and I did what we needed to do. Living with a parent brings up all kinds of things, and self-compassion is so key to joyful living.

    • Norma Restivo says:

      Nice going, Kim. Cats are often so throwaway in our society. How cool you took the time to help this little being. Good on ya

  • Sascha says:

    Wow – if at anytime in humanity this practice has value, it is now. I am grateful for the teachings and working hard to breath “in” self-compassion and breath “out” love and empathy. Thank you for the gift of these videos.

  • Lynne says:

    Thank you. I really appreciated discussion around “the opening to pain” component to this process. That is the part that requires a unique kind of courage and trust in the process. There is an energized balance that results from this work. It is a freeing path, not a quick fix. Beautiful presentation and discussion in challenging times.

  • Nancy Graham-Cork says:

    I hear “tending to yourself” as the magic phrase for self compassion…..a novel idea!

  • Mark says:

    Guys thank you from the depths of my being. Ye have created the missing link between the mind and the body 💚

  • Tissy Rose says:

    Thank you for your presentation. I am someone who have been practicing mindfulness and self compassion meditations for some time. I was able to relate to the “bull dog” analogy and other stories mentioned in your presentation. It was comforting to know that experts like you who have been the field for a long time are honest about your own vulnerability. I really appreciate your desire to extend your kindness to the rest of us. All the best to your research and practices.

  • Patricia says:

    Error loading media. Part three could not be played.
    Please advise.


    with Dr. Kristin Neff and Dr. Chris Germer in The Power of Self-Compassion: A Step-by-Step Training to Bring Kindness and Inner Strength to Any Moment of Your Life

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