Why Self-Compassion Is Important

Was there a time when you were too harsh or judgmental with yourself? How could adopting a more self-compassionate stance change things for you, for the better?

Share your reflections below!

  • Deanne says:

    Myself judgment of being unable to pay my bills and criticism that I should’ve saved for an emergency like this I feel worse ; meditating and faith in the infinite possibilities of the universe has me vibrate at a higher level and come up with more resources

    • Beth says:

      Deanne, I’ve been there with the bills. For years, I struggled paycheck to paycheck. Many times putting bills off to the next month and creating a vicious cycle. The energy I had around money and bills was always dark, negative and dread. Once I was able to really look at it, I could start changing my thoughts and energy around it all. A big help for me was a documentary called The Secret. Maybe you’ve heard of it.? I watched it once. I guess I wasn’t really ready the first time, but when I watched it a couple of months later, something click and shifted for me. Within 6 months my life changed. Unexplainable, but I no longer live that way and I will never go back. I know the fear and shame in living that way. I feel for you. You can & will make the shift. See what you want, feel what it would feel like & believe it is!

      • Barbara says:

        I’m so happy to hear that The Secret was what turned your life around. That is exactly what changed my entire life. Anytime I see someone going through a hard time, I buy them that book. It changed me mentally, physically and emotionally. The greatest thing of all was that it taught me to never say anything negative about myself or the universe would bring me what I asked for. Just accept what is as your thoughts of negativity will bring you more of it. You cannot control anything in this life except your thoughts.

        • Laura says:

          The book is great also! We do our best, accept our failures AND accomplishments. There is nothing permanent, whether debt or wealth. Dave Ramsey is another resource to teach about financial freedom.

          • Laura Gessert says:

            Dave Ramsey teaches you to pay the smaller credit card balance off first he should tell people to pay down the ones with the highest interest rate . He also doesn’t not believe in whole life insurance and this why so many people have to run a Go Fund Me campaign when someone dies .

          • kyoom says:

            Well said.
            Today’s generation is not interested in saving for a rainy day. Instead they live in this moment only
            however, they are the one that seems to get all the help from the government in times of crises. Go figure!

          • White Rsbbit says:

            Please dont lump all young people into one category. My daughter, a millenial, makes a 6 figure income and saves, saves, saves. It is very hard to get government help. I am disabled and only get help with my medications. While this is anecdotal evidence, the gen y, millenials, and gen z are far more competent than you give them credit for.

          • Kristin Stewart says:

            Thank you! As one of many extremely responsible millennials I appreciate your comment! I don’t personally know any millennial that’s not working and building a future. They’re all productive members of society AND kind, caring human beings. It aggravates me that people keep trashing my generation, with all the good we’re doing.

          • Kathy T Moore says:

            It appears that kyoom knows, and is therefore referring to,
            different people than the millions that are more like youself.

          • Indrani Goradia says:

            I fully agree. I don’t like when people lump me in “
            Elderly” and when they lump millions is “ young people” The young ones today have issues we never had. They are strong.

          • rick says:

            With a young daughter who works her butt of, and has saved 20000 on a cafe workers small wages, this is not true for all. And it is much harder for many young people to save given such income inequality in the US today. This is the first generation since WWII that looks ahead with less opportunity for a comfortable life for themselves and young families than that of their parents…So sad, go figure!

          • Sy says:

            Not a nice, loving remark…helpfull? No

          • Phyllis Evelyn says:

            Laura: Dave recommends the smallest to largest bill pay since more people complete payoffs to the end. And pay-downs actually accelerate and end sooner saving the interest anyway. Secondly, He strongly recommends TERM LIFE Insurance as it covers a great deal more liability at a far lesser expense. Best of luck to you. I taught his primary course…very helpful. 6 mo expenses saved for emergency funding is very stress-reducing!

          • Kristin Stewart says:

            He suggests term life insurance instead of whole life, for very good reasons. Paying off the smallest debt first gives you momentum so that you start knocking off all the little ones and can then attack the larger ones with gazelle-like intensity! It’s a very effective strategy.

          • mary says:

            think thats correct…

          • MPG says:

            I agree with Secret, too. And Dave Ramsey is a physical way to keep yourself on track.

          • Donna says:

            Laura which David Ramsey book did you use to help you?

        • Trish says:

          Sometimes we can’t even control our thoughts. In learning mindfulness, I’ve been taught that our brain has a job to do and that is to crank out thoughts. It is our choice to decide which ones to connect with and which ones to let go. This particular concept has been key in liberating me at times.
          Thanks for everyone’s comments here. 🥰

        • Lauren says:

          What book are we talking about if you don’t mind me asking !

        • mary says:

          mostly true

    • Marsha says:

      Deanne, please don’t be too hard on yourself. I DID save and I have seen it all disappear in the stock market over the last two weeks. Despite our best efforts , we just never know.

    • D says:

      I lost my job and home, had cancer and lost my only child in a matter of months (ten plus years ago). i I share this because if I can turn things around, so can you.
      I made what seemed to me to be hard, yet sound choices: started house sitting and put my things in storage (housing is expensive), drove a reliable, economical car, no internet or cable- library dvds instead, a simple phone package with internet and put self care at the top of my list of priorities. I set up a budget (during the last recession when no one would hire an over educated, Middle aged woman at the time – I survived on a $10 per hour part-time job and began studying in a new career field. I paid school loans off (over $40,000) early and now have a fairly decent savings account. You can make conscious, meaningful decisions! Setting priorities and a plan got me back on track and utilized problem solving skills which gave me confidence. I think we learn Valuable lessons from challenging moments that instill compassion for ourselves and others- we’re all learning. I’ve found joy in simple free things (nature, daily walks, smiles, health, etc) and practice gratitude daily (10 things per day with no repeats) to turn things around.
      I believed in “One step at a time”, so I broke my goals down to manageable pieces to ensure frequent successes.
      Ah, I’ve read, “What others think of you is none of your business”- so focus on what you need to do for yourself and give your best friend (you) a hug❣️

    • Dean Carrigan says:

      I can relate so well to this. I have no savings and am making myself miserable over it . I need to soften up on myself and be my own friend now !

    • Susan Ames says:

      Thank you. Thats exactly how i feel. Susan. Blessings and hope for both of us.

    • A🌲 says:

      Wow. I really relate that Deanna. That was just what I needed to hear right now. Thank you! And, Congratulations!🎋

    • Marlena says:

      You have the important value of being self aware and not blaming others. No way could we have seen this coming. We will get through this together O:-)

    • Joann says:

      Exactly.

    • Micheline says:

      I m hard on myself. Hard to forgive and say no. The other are better and know more as per me

    • Beck says:

      Deanne, know that your challenge has been once a struggle I went through. It’s good you’re aware of your reality and you are doing the best you could to live at possible means you have to get above it. With the consequences of our decisions, we make good ones but sometimes we do bad ones too. However, the best part is we learn. Financial well being indeed creates such impact to the quality of life we aim to build. Today is the right time to take care of your finance. I suggest start off with basic concepts on finance How Money Works by Steve Siebold and Tom Mathews. This book shows sophisticated but simple how to’s to jump start your financial knowledge. Also try to be surrounded by an environment of people who are pro active positive at life , and consider working with a mentor / financial professional. Yes you hear me right, a finance professional in an organization in the financial services industry who reach out to the middle America, not only the wealthy. I wish you well and success in life.

  • Wendy says:

    There was a time that there was only a harsh and judgemental self, luckily I learned to connect with myself, to see the voices are my supporters and allies and learned to be gentile with all of me. Self Compassion is a great healer in that process.

  • Sarah says:

    When i filed for divorce, i was very hard on myself because i knew i needed to do it sooner, but didn’t. I placed full blame on myself instead of only owning my part in the failed relationship.
    Had i been moe self compassionate early on, i could have been in less shame and more in learning mode. I could have shown myself love and logic about the situation. I finally got there, but it took a lot longer than it could have with self compassion.

    • Linda says:

      Yes, the only way to get “through it” is to feel the feelings and accept the situation for what it is. I, too, stayed in the situation much longer than I should have, thinking logically that I could handle it, but the truth is, the longer one stays and endures the “bad” situation, the longer it takes to heal emotionally. Sometimes all we can do is feel.

    • Barbara says:

      I am now seeing the thought ‘ I. can’t/don’t do relationships’ as self blame and lacking compassion. Being kind and gentle to self would be better.

    • Julie says:

      Yes Sarah, you are not the experience’ but more so the observer’ of the experience. Once you are able to step back – then you get to see the bigger picture of YOUR life. Well done!

  • Carol Duckwall says:

    Consistently notice where my attention is.

  • Amy says:

    A good elementary tutorial in this time of coronavirus.
    I appreciated Dr Neff’s casual and personable affect

  • Francis says:

    I am being pressured to do something. And because I don’t think that it is wise I’m doubting my feelings about the person and circumstances pressuring me to act . In short I am feeling badly about myself.

    • Linda says:

      Trust your instincts, Francis! That is part of self-compassion. Your doubts are your navigation system and your emotions are how your inner Self speaks to you about it. Don’t misinterpret those emotions to be judgement about yourself, but rather a warning about the situation.

    • Kathy says:

      Follow your heart ❤️ You know best what is right for you. ☮️🕊🙏🌈🦋💕🌞

    • Stefania says:

      Trust your instincts!

  • Moly says:

    My daughter decided to cut me out of her life. She hasn’t let me know if there will ever be a chance for reconciliation. I, of course, began a phase of intense self blame. After months of this I am pulling out, recognizing that while I may not have been a perfect mother, this choice of my daughter’s is about something she needs now. And what I need to do is recognize her suffering, and my own in the wake of her choice. I need to be here for me with kindness and grace and space. Thank you for reaffirming that.

    • Linda says:

      My (2) daughters and I go through this pulling away from each other often! When they come around, they act as if nothing happened and don’t care to talk it out, which, I think leads to reoccurrences. If it isn’t talked out and brought out into the open, nothing seems to get resolved. Not a satisfactory solution, and results in the recurring cycle of self-blame. All I can do is be kind to myself during these times. If nothing else, take a nap!

    • Kelly says:

      Moly
      I went through this with my own amazing daughter and it was incredibly painful. It lasted 3 years and I thought we would never be the same. And we aren’t, we’re better. I was so grateful that she was doing her own growthful work during that time. I could not relate more to how you felt in the aftermath of her decision. I am SO inspired to see where your heart has settled within your own circumstances. You could not be at a better, more loving and self compassionate place. Even beyond that, the unconditional love and space you’ve created in the acceptance of your daughter’s choice, is a beautiful grace. That grace opens the field of possibility for true growth and healing to occur. My heart is with you, continue to be loving and kind to yourself Moly. You are so worthy. ❤

    • Laurie says:

      I have been through acertain of this this myself, although my daughter hasn’t completely cut off communication. It was this deep and inescapable pain that gave me access to self- compassion. When I felt self- compassion (with the help of Kristen Neff’s teachings) , I also felt a source of wisdom that I never knew existed. Really transformative.

    • Marilyn says:

      My sister would not talk to me at all a few years ago. I wrote her a letter telling her all the things I genuinely appreciated about her. We spent quality time together, and she left on a trip the next day. She later disappeared in the backcountry and is presumed to be dead. I am so grateful I wrote that letter!!

    • Beverley says:

      Blessings to you both. What a positive way to look upon a difficult situation.

    • Jennifer says:

      Sounds wise. Love her and give her space to grow. Love yourself. And that all is well.

    • Manju says:

      No one is perfect. Take care of yourself and prepare to be there for her when she eventually opens up to you.

  • Sarah says:

    It was easier in the past to entertain a critical voice telling myself “what!s wrong with you? You could do better. “ It was easier to be my worst enemy rather than my best friend. Thank you for the reminder to be self compassionate, especially during this time of economic challenge. I need to believe in myself and teach others to do so as well. Thank you for your kind and inspiring message.

  • Jen says:

    I’m judging myself for not putting myself out there more and having a partner in life to go through this hard time with. Mindfulness and self compassion can help me to be kinder to myself during this time and love myself through a challenging experience while also realizing that we are all going through this together and just because I don’t have a partner, I am not alone in this.

    • cindy says:

      Jen, I’m so glad you posted this-I have no partner either and I started thinking I was inferior to my friends who are married or have a partner. I am trying hard to stay connected to them by reminding myself I am a worthy person.

  • Beth says:

    I judge myself as a mom & wife. I’m hardest on myself for feeling as if I’m not “doing” or “being” enough”. In reality, I know I am. Being mindful and compassionate to myself -when I practice- really does help. It brings me back to reality and out of my thinking mind.

  • Elisa says:

    Interesting, this teaching allowed meto touche the suffering that was beyond consciousness. Thanks. I wonder how to access the 2 other videos…

  • Tobias Schreiber says:

    Thank you.Very helpful

  • Carol says:

    Similar to others in this world, I have judged myself for not saving enough money to get through economic difficulties. I also have a lot of anxiety that can really interfere with being self compassionate. This talk was/is very helpful in reminding me to treat myself like I do others. Thank you 🙏

    • Marilyn says:

      I also have berated myself for not financially planning for my sixties and beyond. I live in HUD housing and scrape by., and now I can’t work at all due to a sore throat. I would like to live near my daughter and grandchildren, but can’t afford to. The Serenity Prayer helps a lot. I focus on what I can do something about now, and the good things to be grateful for. This course is wonderful!

  • Linda says:

    I am brutal in judgement of myself as a mother who has failed her son who is struggling with drug addiction. It’s possible that maybe it would make a difference if I could be more self-compassionate, but it is a struggle because I can’t go back and change anything in the past so it just never goes away. Feeling compassion for myself seems wrong somehow, like I don’t deserve it.

    • Amy says:

      But you do deserve it.

    • Brian says:

      Linda, I’m reading the comments about this self compassion material and haven’t viewed it yet but felt compelled to offer you words of encouragement regarding your son. The first thought that occurred to me was to practice self compassion regardless of anything else that is happening in your life, including what your son is going through at this time. You are like so many other people who feel a need to place some type of blame on yourself for the actions of others, especially those we love and would lay down our lives for. I’m guessing his situation is maybe what brought you to this material? I think most of us here are at or near similar points in our lives where we strive to make sense of the people/places/situations we’ve allowed into our lives. We are all on our own separate, but many times similar, paths and when we reach certain plateaus we recognize the plight of others and extend a helping hand whether it be a hug, smile, kind words or gestures to let them know they are not alone. I will have a good thought for you and your son!

    • Barbara says:

      You’re right in that you can’t change the past. Forgive yourself and move on. You deserve and need self compassion. Dealing with an addicted child/spouse is one of the most difficult things to do ever! Learn from your mistakes and get help from a support group. Let go. I’m sending you hope, faith, prayers, and strength to be able to have peace. As bad as things may be now, things CAN change. YOU DESERVE SELF COMPASSION.

    • Laurie says:

      Hi Linda
      If you can’t , at this time, give compassion to yourself get some from others. It must be excruciatingly painful to watch your son in his very difficult situation. I would imagine you feel a sense of hopelessness and it sounds like guilt. It seems like you really could use some support and be listened to around your own pain. It must feel awefull to blame yourself for your son’s addiction. It seems like you are holding a great deal of pressure, sadness and a sense of responsibility for him. How hard that must be for you! It seems like such a very difficult thing to hold. I’m imagining it must be hard to feel alone in such pain and that you have a need for support.
      My wish for you is to find a support group, something like Alanon which was created for friends and family of addicts. That is one strategy of support. I just hope you seek support and get it. There are many other ways to find it.
      I’m imagining that sharing your story here was one way to attempt to get it. It’s a beautiful thing to seek support and share a painful reality. Thank you for having the courage to share. The need for support is a beautiful need and you are beautiful in having that need.

    • Laurie says:

      Linda, the were MANY more influences on your son than just yours. As painful as it is, you can’t have control of this situation. And as painful as it is, all you can do is continue to love yourself and him. Allow yourself to be with the pain until you can find your self- compassion.

    • Laurie says:

      Hi Linda
      I wrote a rather long reply to you about getting compassion from other but I’m not seeing it here.
      I hope you can see it.
      Blessings to you,
      Laurie

    • K says:

      If you have a local NAMI chapter I suggest going to meetings,or taking their Family to Family course. It will help you tremendously in realizing that you are not to blame for your son’s struggles with addiction, and allow you to be more supportive and loving as he struggles with recovery.

    • mary says:

      we all need some most of the time as this life is no picnic.

  • Patti says:

    I beat myself up in a fairly regular basis. It’s been something I’ve worked on for a long time and I’m eager to try this approach…..

  • Yvonne says:

    Currently judging myself and blaming myself for the loss of my partner who has gone on to find a new partner. Out of terror I pushed him away for years. One there is nothing that I can accomplish by blaming myself at this point. Changing my stance would allow me to move on and grow instead of looking back and regretting so so much.

    • Diana says:

      I so understand it , I am facing something similar ! But I think you should try lo learn from your mistakes and try to not only blame yourself because all of us are humans ! Everyone makes mistakes

      I am sending you love ❤️

  • MaryBeth says:

    My son is autistic as well. The stars were aligned in your situation Kristen. Perfect to have your career help your personal situation. I had zero awareness about this. The past 4 years I’ve practiced mindfulness meditation….now I can add this ! Slow slow healing process. Thank you for this work!!

  • DeBora M. Ricks says:

    Yes, once upon a time I was critical, harsh and judgmental with myself. Then, a few years ago, I STOPPED. I stopped treating myself like I am the enemy of myself, and I started practicing self-compassion. And oh what a difference that made. I stumbled upon Dr. Kristin Neff’s work and it supported me on my path to being kinder and gentler to me. I’m excited about deepening my practice. This series couldn’t have come at a better time. Thank you Sounds True for your generosity.

  • Ari says:

    After I criticised my child, I was very upset as I realised that I was too harsh towards him. I kept on blaming myself for being a bad mom. Gradually, I learn to be kinder to myself, just telling myself that I have done my best at the moment, and I can learn to be a better mom other than criticising myself endlessly.

  • Judy says:

    A number of years ago I made a resolution to “think well of myself”. As soon as I started applying it, I noticed all the times during the day when I did NOT think well of myself, or thought in non-compassionate ways. It was the beginning of a wonderful journey toward self-compassion that has changed how I feel about myself and has allowed me to become even more compassionate toward others as well.

  • Patti says:

    Allowing myself to not have to be perfect

  • Peter says:

    for me, remembering that self-compassion is not an excuse for giving up, is so important. I was brought up in a very perfectionist environment, where one was supposed to be brilliant, and what’s more, this was to come to one with ease. When I discovered that many things require struggle, I would often give up, a problem I still suffer from.

  • Sher says:

    I have been extremely hard on myself. Looking at everyone else and thinking they are perfect has caused me to really harsh in my self-judgement. It has made me pull away from any responsibility that I might not do well in. It has taken my self-confidence away. There are people in my life who have not treated me in a kind way and I have taken that to heart. This video is giving me hope to be able to come through these situations and be self-compassionate! Thanks so much!

  • Ally says:

    Like everyone just now I am really struggling with all the uncertainty about everything. I have given in today and had a duvet day(or half of one) and I am consequently hating myself for my weakness. Listening to this video has allowed me to forgive myself a little bit and subsequently get up and get on with my day. Thank you.

  • Barbara says:

    YES, i am often not kind with myself, often berating myself for not accomplishing more, or working hard enough, or just being stupid and scared a lot. I often feel like a bad person, because although I work, I am poor, and in American society that is the basis for being treated like garbage.

    • Brian says:

      Barbara, it breaks my heart to read your comments here. My best unsolicited advice would be to eliminate whatever people, places or situations are making you feel this way. Sometimes that includes the people we mistakenly believe are looking out for us including friends and family. I like to call it ‘addition by subtraction’. This change can come about gradually and doesn’t need to happen in a confrontational manner that could only lead to more negativity in your life. Trust me, I’ve had to do it and I came out on the other side better for it. Finally, since you’re here and receiving this information can I suggest that you explore whatever limiting beliefs you’re telling yourself? They are generally acquired very early on life and subconsciously become part of the fabric of who we become. I am sure that if you can stop beating yourself up and perpetuating a cycle of negativity you will be thanking yourself soon enough 🙂 Best of luck to you!

    • Caro says:

      The system is rigged! You may rise above it in attitude and in results but the system itself depends on millions of people living at basic survival levels so profits n stocks keep the wealthiiest insulated. This pandemic crisis challenges all, but disproportionately hits the lowest paid workers.

  • Marilyn says:

    Yes, there was. I have faith & am looking forward to handling things in a more compassionate way. M

  • Marion says:

    I also practice this and I know so many people who this would help. Thank you for this program.

  • Techa says:

    I was too hard on myself after a conversation with my supervisor self compassion could help me be more forgiving of myself

  • Charlene says:

    I am often too harsh and hard on myself. I have been told you are kind to everyone and not kind to yourself. I would like to be kinder towards myself. .

  • Cathy Tobin says:

    My anxiety caused me to be Debbie Downer about myself. My negative outlook was colouring all my thoughts and beliefs about my own self worth. I had to practice radical
    acceptance by being kind to myself and giving myself the compassion I needed to be able to move forward.

  • Rose says:

    Throughout life there has been non-stop ongoing self-criticism and being stuck in ‘survival and sanity’ mode due to neglect and abandonment in childhood.

    Then, working non-stop to get away from all that misery only to lose everything I had worked for in the great recession. Now, here we are again in the midst of a disaster working people did not create but for which we have zero support from our supposed government and dysfunctional society.

    In all of my exhaustive searches, I have not found any very useful tools except Ravi Singh and Ana Brett’s kundalini yoga DVDs and EFT tapping (thank you Brad Yates and You Tube!) to try to come to some sort of equilibrium when the darkness descends or when another round of rejection and abandonment occur. It’s not self compassion, which is out of my reach after so much negative neuroprogramming from life experiences, but it does create a space of detachment and grounding at times.

    • Karen says:

      Rose,
      I’m sorry it,s been so hard! Your yoga and tapping practices seem to me to be a good form of kindness and compassion to yourself so I hope you give yourself a pat on the back for that.
      I wish you much kindness today…

  • Becki says:

    I beat myself up because I am not making art in my studio, even though I have a beautiful studio and many supplies. I was always told I could not and would never be successful as an artist by my parents, but they are dead. I think I sabotage myself to not even try, for fear of both success and failure.

    • Caro says:

      Lo siento! Idea, take it or leave it? Fingerpaint the images of the critics and of the parts of yourself struggling to challenge them. Emotional release not perfectionism. EFT a free simple low maintenance practice for grounding as strong emotions arise ?
      Best creative life possible to you<3

  • Kevin says:

    Neglected and psychologically abused as a child, my go to place into adult life has been debilitating shame and self-loathing. Although I have some way to go to break the cycle, learning of self compassion has given me an important means to re-educate my damaged core beliefs – something that CBT or logic could never do.

  • Iris says:

    Thank you so much!!! Excellent explanation and clear to understand.

  • Sonia Quon says:

    I am struggling to forgive myself for smoking cigarettes . Each day I live with dread and fear that I have caused damage that will lead to illness and premature death. I am often angry at my self for smoking at all and not quitting sooner .

  • Susan Roth Beerman, LCSW says:

    When my daughter, age 28, had a seizure, and we learned she has no warning signs when seizures are coming, I felt profoundly ineffective, and somehow a terrible failure. It has been a year since the last seizure (with one occurring only a few months before that one and the very first one occurring about seven years before)..
    Something positive just this week has allowed for a shift; there is a medical device, a watch I just sent to her which will alert us (me,/:grandma/brother) if she is having a seizure, and just knowing soon this watch will be wrapped around her wrist has been the greatest relief, and she will most likely find it today or tomorrow in her mailbox. It’s made by a company named empatica and included research at MIT and is connected to NYU Langone Epilepsy Center. My suffering is ongoing, yes, but far less than it was, say, the first few months. I do cry privately every day at some point when triggered, but the sharp pain is beginning to dull. I also, recently started having days with real laughter and less preoccupation with my worries about my daughter. Here are my next steps thanks to you.
    Step one : I’m accepting my suffering as of today,, not judging the suffering. Step 2: You are teaching me the suffering comes with being human and I’m
    not alone. And this very site will help me to feel less alone, as it did when you shared your story. about your son. Step three: I will offer myself self-compassion. Taking the time to join this workshop online is a self-compassionate step for me as I work full time as a psychotherapist both in an agency which practices recovery psychiatry and also work in my private practice. I did not know until this moment how in need I am of a focused process for healing and discovering and practicing self compassion in a committed and safe way. Thank you for this opportunity to give me permission to take on the compassionate care of myself so very needed at this time in my life,
    Susan

  • Veronica Geretz says:

    As a yoga teacher in the Bay Area, I awoke a couple of hours earlier than normal this morning (March 23rd, 2020) feeling anxious and worried about the impacts of coronavirus. My mind went to self-criticism on top of the anxiousness, because “I am supposed to be someone holding space for others to stay calm.” After spending a solid hour looping, I remembered I could listen to mindfulness talks to bring myself out of the harmful self-talk and worried thinking. This video reminded me of exactly the tools I needed to accept my emotions of worry, to say to myself, “this IS really hard, and it is absolutely okay to be feeling everything that I am.” Woah, what a shift. Thank you deeply for your commitment to planting this seed of self-love and compassion. Deep bow.

  • Cate says:

    All thru my 29 year marriage i was harsh on myself. I felt i wasn’t pretty enough, thin enough( so id vomit), nit smart enough, or interesting enough for my highly successful spouse. Yet i loved him? But put down myself when i was at home. Outside in my professional world i was lived and appreciated. I got cancer from these feeling of not loving myself. Had i been mire self compassionate, i think i would have actually received the love I wanted from him and also would have left this unhealthy situation sooner and found love in all the right places

  • Carole says:

    Everyday
    ..self worth based on service to others

  • Bina says:

    Even if I am wrong I should forgive my self by say I am only human

  • Kristen says:

    Now. I am being too hard on myself now. I want what I see my friend Elizabeth has in her belief in Jesus Christ and God, and I love what I see and hear the number of times I have gone to her church, yet I beat myself up that I am not a “believer” not ready today if ever will be, to be baptized, and I want to learn everything right now so I know WHAT to believe in.
    Things would be better if I could be softer as I would let more in and have more of a chance to reflect.

  • Mary says:

    Failing to do many technical things in this modern age is driving me. Crazy’, I am trying to carry on but there is some struggling going on ! Most of this started when my computer was hacked! I will work on forgetting about that and just work harder at getting my tech desires improved! thanks so much!

  • Corbitt Sharon says:

    Yes. When my daughter had a session with our relationship skills group where she attempted to get all of her anxieties regarding her childhood out in the open so I knew exactly how she felt.

  • Corbitt Sharon says:

    Not necessary. Those closest to me already know all about this session.

  • Nancy Graham-Cork says:

    Thank you for your self compassion, and kindness.
    I have been doing mindful self compassion for a year now.
    It has helped me immensely.
    The idea of being kind to myself has been enlightening.

  • Shelagh says:

    Thank you Kristin for your simple explanation of what happens when we don’t have self-compassion, and the simple steps that can bring us back to it. Simply recognising what I am feeling in the moment, being present to it, knowing that this is what makes me human, and holding myself with love and kindness. One wouldn’t think this could be so hard, but the simplest things sometimes are, when our complex mind wants to get busy with analysis, comparisons, old familiar regrets and guilt, shame, or unworthiness. Thank you for keeping it so simple! Something for me to practice. 🙂

  • Leanne says:

    I am trying to convince leadership on the need to act on an issue and sometimes I feel as if my emotions get in the way and I don’t come across in my communication as well as I think I should have.

  • Jessica says:

    Being harsh in myself for everything from parenting as a single mom to not “having enough” money in life for my daughter and I to live abundantly.

  • Kevin says:

    Be proactive and less doubtful of living life and finding purpose

  • Sharon says:

    Not sure, but I am very judgmental of myself these days and not sure when it first started. Probably at school as I was part of the times when teachers used corporal punishment and were very critical of pupils. I work in a school now and thank God, things have changed for the better

  • Corbitt Sharon says:

    Right now I am facing a struggle with myself regarding my relationship with my husband and daughter. I see myself as being selfish with my husband with regard to showing love to him because he has hurt me so deeply throughout our 43 years of marriage by always choosing his volunteer job over me, even when I needed him most. I carry this around with me to the extent that I don’t see myself as worthy of love. I can trace that unworthiness to my childhood where, even though I was an only child, it seemed that I was “invisible” to my parents much of the time.

  • Anna says:

    Self-compassion and mindfulness as taught by Kristen and Chris changed my life at the age of 66. It is never too late to begin to love yourself and be kind to yourself. This new ability is slowly transforming my relationships with my husband, our adult children and their children. Life actually becomes easier, more joyful and more full of wonder and the love ripples out into the greater community.

  • Silva says:

    I was harsh and jungmental when I got hormon pills hydrocodone till the end od life.
    I was unemployment, bed relationship with relatives, I was thinking how to start all over.

  • Dr. L.R. Smith, Ph.D. says:

    I have always been too harsh and/or judgmental with myself. At 72 years young, and after lots of interesting therapies, the judgment is less. I have learned it is something I must work on every single day of my life. Thank goodness people are now raising their children with different values. Lifelong learning seems to be essential for any of us who experienced tremendous trauma/drama as a child. Thank you very much for your ongoing work with self-compassion teachings.

  • Marissa says:

    I get meta-anxiety a lot, that tends to snowball when I get angry at myself for not being able to stop being anxious. I often feel like I’m never enough, I can never get all of the things done, I’m always behind on something, I make mistakes constantly. It makes me sad that I’m so hard on myself. Practicing the self-compassion exercise just now was a nice break from this cycle

  • Margaret says:

    Whenever I make a mistake. My Mother probably has BPD and when she is stressed takes it out on me . though therapy has helped to an extent.

  • Mimi says:

    bI am feeling self-judgment around being completely unprepared to move my courses online with no experience or expertise in online teaching/learning after 25 years in the college classroom. Self-compassion would help me recognize and accept that this is an unprecedented event that very few people were prepared for and I will as always do my best to help my students (who are also filled with anxiety and perhaps self-judgment) keep on their educational path.

    • Katherine says:

      Mimi – I can resonate with your fears and self-judgment about moving courses online. I’m in a similar situation and need to find ways to teach courses and workshops online, plus learn how to do one on one sessions. It’s a lot to take on during this stressful time of Covid-19.

  • Genevieve says:

    I am scared of hurting others. The abuse I lived through as a child imprinted in me a sense that I was not deserving of love and that I could one day transformed into as abusive as my perpetrator and/or be abandoned again… I realize that more self-compassion could help me in the darkeat of hours. I usually see myself as the great woman I have become but every so many years the buried and ignored trauma come back up, everytime stronger, and at that point I need to disappear and the wonderful resilient woman I am goes into hiding and can’t help anyone not even herself anymore. Self-compassion would distance me from the parasite thoughts of worthlessness…

  • Jeanne says:

    Right now I am struggling with the current situation with the Corona virus. I share my house with my dog. I am retired, but lead a very active life with volunteering, friends, and a small part time job. While I would normally not feel isolated, I feel it very strongly which for me leads to depression and anxiety. With what I have learned in this video maybe I can begin to make some progress in caring for myself.

    • Marilyn says:

      I also live alone and feel isolated, which can lead to depression. I’m starting to get a viral throat infection, so need to either stay at home or go to a park nearby. I am using the great resources available now, such as this course. And talking to folks on the phone. I have been told there are 12 Step groups online as well. (I think everyone qualifies for some 12 Step program) To use that lingo: “this too shall pass, hang in there one day at a time, do the next right thing, easy does it, turn it over to a higher power” etc.

  • ibrahim says:

    Thank you. Lovely teaching packed in usable form, from a compassionate teacher that reminds us the truth. Although I sometimes try to follow the similar steps in troubled times, I am happy to hear these words of wisdom in concise form. I will try to approach the challenging situations by keeping in my mind of these. Waiting for the next video…

  • K.p. says:

    Thank you Kristin this is so helpful and so true! I have been working with clients and teaching your concepts so that they can adopt a more self compassionate mindset while also practicing daily myself!
    What a gift that we can give to ourself and others!!

  • Shirley says:

    As I age I tend to find fault, not only in the present but issues from the past arise. I end up feeling as tho I am not a good person.

  • Joan says:

    Early in life I learned never to praise myself. I was taught that was bragging. And bad behavior.
    I’m a child of the ‘50’s. Child rearing was radically different.

    Consequently I still struggle and I’m conflicted to speak about myself in positive terms. I don’t want to come off as arrogant.

    Ultimately, this denies me the opportunity to be fully authentic.

  • Daantje says:

    Yes when I get angry and loose my temper. I find it very hard to forgive myself .
    Also I find my self making judgements about otherS how they are not behaving as ( I think) they should . Specially with the Covad19 going around us and then not keeping a safe distance or go with large groups to parks and do a workout. Forgetting that it spreads via our upper breathing system.
    I can get really angry.
    I really wished for being more gentle .

  • Chrissie says:

    Thank you for your work. I am a homeschooling mom who is very critical with myself daily. My children are a little below average students (at least in my view), but perfectly healthy otherwise. My son has always struggled with a speech delay, and my daughter usually just doesn’t want to engage in academics. I feel there are days when I try so hard to get them to learn their studies. When they are distracted or simply not interested, I take this to heart. I begin to obsess on different ways I should be implementing learning, which deters me from sticking to an organized schedule. I hear some pretty harsh lectures from my spouse about this, which makes me feel even worse. I worry about their future, as I watch their friends soar in academics. My kids have so many other beautiful qualities, but the voice inside my head convinces me that these qualities will not earn them the skills to make money one day. I am a practicing meditator, which helps. Yet, I struggle with the same I inadequate feelings that I am not doing enough for my son and daughter. Thank you for your kind attention.

  • Carol says:

    For me, the question is when was there a time when I wasn’t too harsh and judgmental with myself? Therapy and meditation have helped, but I still jump to telling myself I screwed up again.

  • Coletta says:

    I recently berated myself for talking a lot about politics with a group of friends who share my views. I beat myself up for not stopping my chatter, and assumed my friends were merely being tolerant of me, while probably wishing I would shut up! After a couple of days of sitting with this feeling of self-doubt and self-deprecation, I called a good friend who listened lovingly, and reaffirmed that I was a good person, empathized with my wallowing, and helped me get my perspective back. I could have saved myself days of regret, remorse, and feeling cut off from my friends and my self if I had practiced self-compassion.

  • Monica says:

    For the longest time I believed that whenever someone was rude or inconsiderate to me that it was my fault. The voices would immediately start slamming me with what I did wrong, what I could have better and how I was essentially inept and weak for not being rude or inconsiderate in return. I can’t say that it’s necessarily better – the voices still come in, but after listening to Tara Brach’s Radical Compassion seminar I’ve begun practicing awareness and self compassion.
    Life is practice we never get it perfect.

  • Sylvia says:

    I’ve been pretty harsh on myself about most things BUT now I recognize it BECAUSE other people would follow do as I did.. Guess I got tired of mistreating myself and being mistreated by others…self compassion is the best thing that I could do for MYSELF.

  • Marilyn says:

    My daughter is asking questions about her childhood, and I sometimes feel guilty about my actions then.
    Also I berate myself about not planning financially for myself in my seventies.

  • Ellen says:

    This past week I have been feeling overwhelmed because of the Coronavirus and living in NYC. Life has changed dramatically in the sense that no one can go to work except essential services . The supermarkets and Walgreens, CVS , etc. are
    running out of everyday necessities because of the Common Fear and Panic caused of people in NYC , our neighbors , friends and family either getting the Coronavirus or trying to protect themselves from getting it. I have felt panic and fear because of the disruption in my life. I am trying to not be too hard on myself, trying to
    allow and process my strong emotions with Kindness and Compassion and Prayer.
    I am continuing to practice mindfulness as I live each moment, each day. It is helping .

  • Alan Kay says:

    I love how Kristen explains three simple components for self-compassion. I can use these as needed to help reground myself in times of self-criticism and shame. Thanks!

  • Marina says:

    I am my worst critic – if I could I take pride in myself and my unique talents more often, I would feel more able to take life’s challenges in my stride.

  • Martina says:

    To love yourself unconditional.

  • Vanessa says:

    I have been having a very hard time with the pandemic. Without going into too much detail my daughter was in broad, a relationship fell apart as all of this weekend to escalate and my elderly mother has caught the virus. I have not been able to function at my normal level. I tend to be a very competent and take charge person and the last few weeks I’ve just been falling apart. I’ve been very hard on myself. Asking myself what’s wrong with me? Why is this break opinion so hard? But as of late I’ve just been telling myself that this is the best I have right now. But I am lovable even if I am not competent. That this is a hard time and I’m not the only person that feels overwhelmed and anxious. I have been trying to not fill my time with things to do. Been slowing down. Cooking. Really trying to love myself. Thank you for the videos. Looking forward to listening to the next two. I want to good care out there

    • Joan says:

      You are not alone Vanessa. Thank you for sharing. Helped me realize I am not alone. As my dear friend once said, we are more alike than different.

    • Judit says:

      I feel empaty to You,
      Dont be to hard with yourself,- there”s very difficult for everybody.
      Dont be angry on yoursels rather love yourself more than earlier.

  • Vlad says:

    Yes, many times. Realize that The True Self is pure peace, pure love, pure compassion and there is nothing whatsoever that could alter that. This moment is love. I am infinite. I am loving awareness.

  • Patty R says:

    I will use this technique on myself and the harshness I feel when I hear words that make me feel inferior.

  • Jagdish P Dave says:

    This course very instructive, helpful and interseting.

  • M.j says:

    Yes…when after losing my most dearest friend of 22 years thru stage 4 lung cancer I gained 25 lbs in dealing with grief and keep beating myself up over it. I am exercising but not enuf….

  • Jill says:

    I am retired and I realize I need to get back to Self in an authentic relationship, get back into my body and stop reacting to life.

  • Kate says:

    I had to make a very difficult decision to separate from my only child, who was extremely unhealthy for me. My child and spouse’s family then spread rumors about me. The gossip got out of hand, yet no one in my community shared what was said. I was a people pleaser, so having so many people (some I didn’t know) judge me was a challenge!
    I was very ill at the time, so I was crushed and ruminated over what my part was. The situation and my reaction was making me sicker, so after a year or more, I decided I wasn’t going to feel ashamed any longer, so decided I would be a majority of one – if need be, on my support team. I then acted as I used to before this and continued with my life. The gossip and judgement continue, but I feel more free and have compassion for us all. I’m open to discussing and treatment, and made the offer many times, but it’s not time for the other person. I do not have to take on another person’s problem…(even my dear child’s).
    Deep breaths and self acceptance with love.

  • Stephanie says:

    Thank you for this heartfelt, informative video series. Greatly appreciated! ❤
    This is a difficult time globally with this pandemic and I am sure that I am not alone in feeling high emotions at this time… questioning… feeling mixed up ect…. this series has helped in remembering to connect with the heart, honor the messiness of it all and give self compassion… self encouragement…. kind words to self….
    Thank you.
    May you be safe, healthy, happy and free from suffering.
    Namaste

  • Jill says:

    When are the next two free videos available? thanks

    • Ruth says:

      Jill, it looks like they are all available. If you look at the top of the screen where you clicked on the first one (on the same level as “Sounds True”) you’ll see that there are three different names.

  • Joan says:

    Right now I’m tearing myself up that I’m not handling this Coronavirus situation better. I’m also dealing with starting a new job last Monday and I had sudden major surgery November 11 that then had complications. Overall I need to realize I have to be kind to myself. This first talk is helpful.
    Also from the comments I think I need to find The Secret!

  • Karen says:

    The problem of feeling unmotivated when there is so much to do makes me so depressed that I don’t do anything . We are in stay at home because of the corona virus and I have all the time to do things but I don’t do them. I use the excuse of not being able to walk right as an excuse . I know that I need to do these projects but I feel so overwhelmed. And yes I know about how to eat a huge thing one bite at a time. But I don’t get started.

  • Andy says:

    I often fall into small holes of judgment–why did I react so harshly? why didn’t I…? Many time, just finding a sliver of space is really important for me to see things more clearly and accurately where I have a better chance of sharing some simple compassion with myself.

  • Gayle says:

    Expecting myself to be calm and relaxed about the current pandemic and all the changes that have happened along with it. I realized that other people are feeling anxious and upset about the pandemic, and that their lives are also in upheaval, made me realize I was being really hard on myself and that it’s ok to be nervous and afraid. I’ve never been through this before.

  • Jeanette says:

    I have a son with autism. I believed that somehow I must have caused it while I was pregnant with him. I thought it was how I had taken care of myself, what I had eaten; the list goes on and on. I was numb and crying with the diagnosis at first but I loved my child too much to not fight for him. I did not want to accept the diagnosis I thought it couldn’t be true. I mourned for what I was loosing with the diagnosis everything in our future our hopes and dreams. I loved my son too much to ever give up on him as the professionals had. Those were very difficult and dark times back then there wasn’t much for resources or understanding of someone with a disability. Perhaps that is why I am less compassionate with myself now as the stigma of raising a child who is different than others consumes your whole life and there isn’t any time leftover for much self care. Thank you for the video opportunity.

  • Sima says:

    Throughout my marriage, my husband often accused me of being too critical. When he suddenly walked out he left me with a litany of all the ways I was a failure as a wife and had destroyed the marriage. I regretted mistakes I had made but beyond that I internalized all his anger and contempt and beat myself up for months. It has taken me 2 years to adjust my perspective, not see myself through his eyes and accept my flawed self .

    • Gwen says:

      I’m so glad you’ve learned to see from your perspective. I understand the pain of seeing yourself as if from the eyes of a person who doesn’t seem to hold you in a loving and kind way. Keep learning that loving yourself is your first priority. You are the best you — no one else can do you 💗

  • Misa says:

    In this situacion the self- compession is very important, but it is easier for people to tolerate stress and anxiety, …

  • Mary says:

    Being mindful, loving and as kind to myself as I am to others. I was a psychologist for 25 years and now try to be as kind and insightful to myself as I am to others. My husband has Advanced Parkinson’s so everyday I see, feel, hear, touch and know how much he suffers. Yet he is always kind and loving as he can be to me. I am American (now in quarantine in Australia) after having to rush back from California where I was visiting my children and grandchildren for the first time in three years. (My husband is temporarily in a nursing home as I can’t look after him.). This was due to my husbands deportation from the US after Trump was elected. I guess I am saying this helped me, as I know the world is suffering right now, I was reminded by your kind words to love myself with that same love I give away❤️

  • Ashly says:

    I am a disabled and have been since the age of four. I have spent so much time berating myself for “holding others back” and being hard on myself for not having the ability to do what others can do. It has been a constant stream of self-shaming and I’ve allowed societal standards to reinforce my own thinking. Self-compassion for me started in January and I am working diligently to be aware of when I am not being compassionate. I find that overall so far my anxiety is a lot less because I do not fear failure quite as much. I also don’t “explain myself” to others as much when I can’t do whatever it is they want me to do. If I continue to adopt more self-compassion I think that things will improve in my health due to the stress being removed, I feel my disposition will be more pleasant, and my relationships will have more healthy boundaries. Of course there are other things as well, but I’m happy to start here!

  • Margaret says:

    Absolutely. Many times & each time the result Manifests in physical impact on my body

  • Regine says:

    Yes, I have been harsh to myself when not beeing perfect at work vor at home. I think self compassion helps to unterstand myself better abd will calm mehr down

  • Susan says:

    Judgement toward my illness/self. Instead of loving who I m period

  • DeBora says:

    Yes, there was a time when I was very harsh and judgmental with me. I took up where my father, who’d tell me as a childhood that I would never amount to anything, left off. Meanwhile I was working and putting myself through college. I am more compassionate with myself these days. But there’s room for me to grow in this area. Having more self-compassion will support me in stretching myself, taking more risks, and playing a bigger game in life.

  • Lucy says:

    I have been harsh and judgmental with myself while trying to understand an adult son in recovery. Learning more about self compassion and trying to practice it gives me more energy and wisdom to move forward and re-learn our relationship.

  • Diane Reiss says:

    I’m a clay builder & was working onseated female figure….It was a mess…nothing seemed to be coming together. I’ve had many changes in the last year, my husband died, I moved in with Granddaughter & 2 Great Granddaughters, oldest friend dying of cancer & the holidays. So I thought about the pcs I was working on realizing it was a reflection of where I am in life. So I went back in the studio got a paddle and whacked the clay into a grave stone. I have ceramic decals of my parents, husband, sister in law & daughter transferred to the marker and it is now a celebration of those I love.

  • Mary says:

    I’ve been aware of having a strong inner critic for a long time. There was even a time when I thought I’d conquered it! But life happens and I have learned that when I experience a loss that is way beyond my control, as when my father died, and as in this moment in time, having lost all sources of income, that I hear my inner critic rage. At first, I did not identify it; I just felt crappy. Then, I spent time alone with the crappy feeling and realized that it came from the inner voices of my mind yelling at me: “get your hustle on!” “Use this time as an opportunity.” “You’re a failure!” “You’ll never reach your goals.” “You’re too fat and now you’ve stopped exercising and you eat too much!” Is it any wonder that I wanted to crawl into a cave and hide from the world? I beat myself up and I compared myself to others – all winners, with me as the only loser. Then I recalled what has always healed me – self-compassion and kindness. Self love in the form of literally telling myself again and again that I love myself. Looking in the mirror past the shame and doubt and smiling at my reflection and saying, “Mary, I love you” until it finally lands with my heart. It is something that must always be repeated and when stopped, requires reminders, so thank you, Kristen Neff and Chris Germer, for your message. Your timing is impeccable. With Gratitude, Mary

  • Diwali Saraswati says:

    I misplaced an important object
    And criticized myself harshly

  • Laura says:

    I was raised to think it was up to me to make things right. I felt I always had to be perfect. Impossible standards that left me empty and making me feel, I was never enough. I need to learn to be kinder and more forgiving to myself when I don’t meet these standards. To give the same kindness and compassion, I give to others.

    • Gwen says:

      I’m glad you realize you are worthy of loving yourself. You are responsible to yourself to accept yourself and be the best friend you can be to yourself

  • Eve says:

    This opportunity popped up on my FB news feed today, just after sharing in a group some progress I had made. I am almost 60 and I have been trying to figure out “what’s wrong with my picture” since I was 15 years old. Have you ever watched the movie, “Mommie Dearest”? Mine was very much like that, and as much as my childhood was a virtual war zone, so has my recovery been. It has only been today, 15 days before my 60th birthday, that I have been able to land directly on top of forgiving myself. I think I have summited a mountain.

  • Robert says:

    The meditation Kristin describes here is found on her self-compassion.org website under “self-compassion break”. I’ve found this and her other meditations to be lifesavers and wanted to share it with you. May you find this as much help as I have:
    https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/

  • Rosemeire says:

    I feel guilty about my mother. I always think what i do for her is not enough.

  • Barbara Massiah says:

    Presented simply.
    Very helpful!

  • Gay says:

    When I stop self judgement and am compassionate for myself then I stop judging and I have more compassionate for and more understanding for others.
    This automatically enables me to feel more gratitude and happier.

  • Joleen says:

    so helpful to me and being more comfortable with body in spinal pain much of the time……
    hearing words to emulate, how to talk to myself really help….
    comforting……..

  • Joleen says:

    Thank you so much for your generous gifts……

  • Irma says:

    Beautiful!!! Thanks a lot =)

  • Gwen says:

    I can see myself as a loving person who deserves to be with loving people. I am a blessing (not a burden).

  • Stephen Poff says:

    You look like a delightful human being

    Many thanks to you and Chris for your work

  • Beverly says:

    I am not sure if my self indulgence in self pity can be assessed or repurposed as self compassion. My inactions or repeated reactions to life experiences trivial and otherwise are seemingly outside my will. I feel entrenched in apathy.

  • Paula says:

    Seems to be a daily struggle/choice to extend myself grace and compassion.

  • Suzana says:

    I find it is always important to find new ways of loving oneself

  • Avonie says:

    I’m over 33:0 pounds and have been overweight since birth (apparently I was a 13 pounds baby to a teen mom who was barely 100 pounds.). I’ve struggled, stapled my stomach, dieted insensately done every crazy weight loss gimmick) but here I sit still over 300 pounds. Every interaction seems defined by my weight. I beat myself up constantly! I feel inadequate, incomplete, a failure. I desperately want a life where I’m not hypersensitive about my physical presence.

  • Dipesh Upadhyay says:

    Yes. Recently I have realized its because I am so critical of myself that’s why I become angrier to others as well

  • Kim says:

    My mom gets angry and had shamed me for years to control me. Standing up and avoiding her to get peace in my life. Constant reminder

  • Randy says:

    When I had a tough project with a looming deadline I found it hard to move forward with it until I got on my own side. Otherwise my “fighting myself” also fought doing the work in an effective way. When I finally got on my own side I was able to rally my energy, focus, problem solving and curiosity. A parallel to the anxious mind’s fear needing to be changed to concern before it can handle a situation well.

    • Randy says:

      Another aspect of self-compassion that helped me in that situation was adopting more realistic expectations of myself, i.e., I do better when I bother to get good rest and nutrition [versus just pushing myself to drudge forward no matter what when i’m way “below 100%.”]

  • Natasha says:

    Too self-judgmental about not achieving more optimal health outcomes at times because I put a lot of research, attention dnd self care into healing body/mind/spirit.

  • Dea says:

    Ive struggled my whole life in showing myself kindness and self compassion ive had the belief that im not worthy i treat others with compassion and kindness but me no since a child ive felt like this
    I struggle with the word love and loving kindness again to only me

  • Agus says:

    Well said

  • Monique says:

    I was abandoned from my family, and missed common humanity in this experience. This made the lonelyness so much harder. Than i myself became a mother and i discovered the love i give to my daughter, i can also give to myself.

  • Leah says:

    I used to put myself down all the time in front of other people because something inside said to me you are not good enough. I think it stemmed from being rejected by my father and always having to beg him for love and attention. It has taken a lot to realise I am good without him and I need to thank him for showing me that life is good and I had the strength to achieve the best me.

  • Joyce says:

    Video says error settin up player Invalid license key

  • Liz says:

    Better self worth. More kindness towards myself and others. I WOULD BE LESS Judging.

  • Siobhán says:

    MSC has transformed the way I treat myself and others. Thank you so much for all this work and for sharing your valuable insights so generously x

  • Mmm says:

    Kinder to self

  • Angelika says:

    A more selfcompassionate stance leads to becoming more selfconfident, more effective and being able to see more possibilities and more clear. There is (would be) also peace, contentment and freedom within.
    – no matter what is happening around !Right now I relate this to me looking after my parents

  • Maria says:

    Thank you! Nos I understand what selfcompassion means and I”m gong to put it into practice

  • Ruth Hodder says:

    An extract from my Job applications for first teaching post in 1998:
    Key Qualities…
    “I am critically reflective of my work and set myself high standards”
    Unsurprisingly it was not long before I was signed off with debilitating stress.
    I’m glad to say I would never make that statement under key qualities now!!

  • tricia says:

    hello, I’ve always struggled with technology. My internal critic tells me I’m no good at this kind of thing. I end up getting frustrated and calling myself names which undermines my confidence and reconfirms that i’m hopeless and not like others. I’ve found if I slow down, notice my unhelpful thoughts try to be kind to myself I can often see my way through my IT issues. Thanks for your support. Tricia Bristol UK

  • Leona says:

    I am sensitive to others opinions of me. I am sure it was a survival strategy when I was young. Today I notice I go into emotional stress/crisis when others express an opinion of me. I work to stay grounded and witness them without reacting.

  • Agaba says:

    I judge my young teenager self for the decisions I made and the way I was up to my early adulthood. I wish I could get past it to fully embrace who she was and accept that she made me who I am today

  • Pam says:

    Many times in my life! Adopting a more self-compassionate stance would allow me to see from a non-emotional, non-survival or reactive state that all situations and circumstance can lead to something positive. Even in the midst of struggle, (and self-blame) the opportunity arises to move to a more powerful and resilient self.

  • Fabio says:

    Yes, I have been hard on myself many times in the past but not anymore because I realized that I am important, special and I needed to love myself, to give to myself all the love that many People including my parents did not give me

  • Grace says:

    Yes, I felt I had failed at life because I am at my heaviest. What I have come to know is that weight has nothing to do with success, failure, or my worth. Instead it is about self-acceptance, and that journey starts with self-compassion, and I’m learning if I can adopt a more self-compassionate stance will change my life and outlook for the better…every step I have made in that direction already ha.

  • Phil says:

    My disappointment in not speaking as clearly in a public forum. I felt inadequate for being too nervous and not exuding s confident message, It reminded me of high school when I gave my first speech with shaking body movements and being judged by others.

  • Mary Ann says:

    Self-criticism has been detrimental to spiritual growth & a flagrant waste of precious time.

  • Stacey says:

    Most of these times are related to parenting. I think I should do better, or find ways to keep him off screens, or be more patient with my son. I have worked a lot on trying to give myself a break from this thinking but the idea of “bad mom” still creeps in sometimes.

  • Rachael Mears says:

    I suffer with deep feelings of shame that I am often unaware of but that I am noticing have an effect on how I look at my close relationships. I know that sitting with my feelings and havIng a more self compassionate stance will help me to feel better about myself and to have more compassion for others, but this is a difficult process and I often feel very alone.

  • Leo says:

    I am pretty easy-going.most of the time. I’m always wanting to learn more and be more for others. I am 87. Years old.

  • Elaine says:

    I was critical of myself right into my late 30’s and realise it kept me stuck in a rut. Practicing self compassion was a big change and has increased my levels of joy, self esteem and belonging. Now as a peer support worker, I teach it to others.

  • Aidan says:

    After my wife left me, I reflected on how my behaviour contributed to the marriage failure. As one who always expected the highest performance from myself, I have been very harsh on myself and wondered whether I was lovable at all.

  • Kevin J Waters says:

    Kevin Thank you Kristin, When I 1st. Entered a 12 step Recovery Program, I was surrounded by very Compassionate people, Guiding me through the process to the point where it’s been years free of that Affliction. It seen’s that lately that I’ve been Extremely Hard on My own Path of Recovery, taking disappointments Around the Recovery Community as Personal Failures !

  • London Biology Teacher says:

    As teacher I was observed by my line manager for an official observation where I was graded. For one reason or another, the lesson didn’t go to plan and I got a bad grade. I’d always previously had excellent observations and couldn’t understand how it had all gone wrong. I beat myself up about it for a long time afterwards and lost my confidence in teaching. Had I had the attitude that these things happen, I might have been happier in my teaching and communication with my line manager afterwards.

  • Colleen says:

    I just texted a friend to give herself a hug for me because she is sad she cannot be in the hospitable with her mom who had surgery. I gave myself a hug too because I am a human being and this is a crappy time to live through.

  • Rebecca says:

    Yes, regarding my journey of transition.

  • Jill says:

    I took an 8 week mindfulness course in my community just weeks after my 20 year old son took his own life. I was in such a horrific downward spiral, judging and condemning myself for his choice. The class was so painful in the beginning, sitting with what was and feeling everything. There was a defining moment during an exercise where I knew that I must learn to do for myself what my son could not. Love myself unconditionally while giving myself the kindness and compassion needed in each moment, which changed hourly.
    I know facilitate a bereavement group for suicide loss survivors and have become certified to teach yoga.
    Thank you for teaching this skill which is so lacking in our world. We cannot give what we do not have within.

  • Amanda says:

    Thank you so much for your talk and for your gentle reminder to always be compassionate with ourselves and others! I agree… we live in a culture – and world- where we are always encouraged to “move on,” “get over it,” or “snap out of it.” But… we usually can’t because we tend to not acknowledge how are are feeling and tend to prefer not to be “present with what is.” I always tell my clients (and try to remember for myself as well) that unless we know (and acknowledge where we are we will NEVER get to where we want and need to go. (i.e. If we are depressed and instead of acknowledging this only focus on wanting to be happy – probably nothing will ever happen… and we won’t get the help we might need. ) The metaphor I love to use is… If we have a map, how do we know how to get to the beach…..? (If we don’t know what our starting point is…)

    I had the pleasure of reading one of your books and have been practicing self-compassion as much as possible… However, I sometimes find it to be a bit challenging when people around me don’t necessarily understand what I am doing….

  • Nic says:

    Hope everyone is keeping well and safe. 💕

  • Susan says:

    I got totally depressed over the past 24 hours, because I have chronic pain in my neck and arm, and my sewing ‘skills’ suck so much that I don’t think I can make even one – let alone a whole bunch of – masks for healthcare workers. I want to be DOING something to help in this pandemic – besides just staying home. I feel useless and so powerless to change things.

  • Debbie says:

    I have been my own worst critic
    I find that being self compassion helps me decrease my anxiety and accomplish more.

  • David says:

    My hardest times to be compassionate toward myself are when I’m at work. Most of my co-workers are younger than I, and often look to me for guidance. Sometimes, though, I do or say things that I think are foolish or silly, and I berate myself for not being a successful role model or demonstrating what I recommend to others. I need to learn to be exemplary not by always succeeding, but by accepting myself for being human! 🙂

  • Jen says:

    A more compassionate stance could have allowed me to be vulnerable and accept the help I needed

  • Nancy kralik says:

    Thank you for your lecture. I will even try more often to express love and compassion for myself. It works

  • M says:

    For as long as I can remember I think that I’ve failed in life. I don’t feel comfortable and ashamed of myself. I’ve had traumatic experiences that makes me think that I’m not worthy. My father passed last year and I’ve fallen into depression. I spent most of last year doing nothing, lost my interest to do anything. I quit my job because it was too stressful and isolating for me. I was so ashamed of myself and didn’t reach out for help for a long time. But, I finally did. I found this support group that teaches self-compassion. I’m still struggling to this day. I want to be able to accept and love myself. It’s just so difficult. I’m trying to change though. I started a job at a coffee shop, it was a start. I’ve been scared to be around people for a while. I was nervous at first. The people who work at the coffee shop are kind and friendly. I feel more comfortable being around people again and actually enjoy working with my coworkers. There’s still that inner voice that tells me I’m not good enough or that I haven’t done enough. But then I remember that I’ve made a lot of progress these past few months. I was able to slowly get back on my feet and start living again. All I can do is to take it one day at a time and continue to practice self-compassion.

  • Lesley says:

    Thank you for this❤️

  • Corinne Bozsoky says:

    The analogy of speaking to yourself like you would speak to a cherished friend really resonated with me. It took me many years to overcome the harsh criticism from within and without. The people who love you and are not “broken souls” treat us with loving kindness. Never listen to those who belittle or us or use derision as a form of communication. They have much work to do on their journeys and it has nothing to do with you.

  • Donna Cooper says:

    Hi Kristen, thank you so much for sharing. I’m such a fan. I have your Self Compassion, and it’s become one of my favorite books to go to. I to have a Grandson with Autism, actually he has multiple disabilities. We found out about his Autism in 2005 as well. He is the best, I thank God for him. He actually helps me to stay centered mostly. I have to say, if it wasn’t for him, it’s a lot that I would not have looked into, or have become involved in. Though I wasn’t practicing mindfulness or self compassion then, I certainly do now, and am grateful for it. God Bless you and your son, your family, as well. Please continue to bring us your wisdom and knowledge, to give us a better understanding as to how to let self compassion educate us, and become more aware and mindful of how to treat ourselves and others. Thank you, and again, God Bless you. 🥰🤗🙂

  • theresa Casaccio says:

    I was abandoned by my parents and placed into care of social services, then lived in 2 very abusive and neglectful foster homes where all I was told was that it was my fault and I was no good. Have pretty much always been unkind to myself, though I have been learning self compassion, my default setting is ‘I am not enough’, which requires daily practice.

  • Natalie says:

    Ive been suffering from anxiety for the last 4 years.
    One of the hardest part is that I tent to compare myself to others all the time and feel inferior. I’m always trying to do everything perfectly to be like the rest and judge myself very severely.

    I‘ve try other types of therapy before but ended up here.
    I’m truly hopeful that having self compassion (learning to accept myself) is the key to get better.

  • Shirley martin says:

    I dont know were to start i have my self .and my son said everyone hates me .i no i need help

  • Shirley martin says:

    It should say i hate myself and my son told me everyone hates me

  • Caitlin says:

    Very often, I will be listening to the harsh criticism in my mind and believe I have done something wrong or upset someone through my words or actions. I’ll then avoid them or apologise profusely, only to find out nothing was actually wrong. The cycle then continues as I beat myself up for being so melodramatic and silly. All of this could have been avoided, with a moment of self compassion and trust in myself and my intentions.

  • Dawn says:

    I didn’t realize that the reactions I had were trauma related throughout my teenage years and adulthood. I hated this part of me. It wasn’t until I had to take time off work for a trauma related injury that I realized what was going on wit my brain and my nervous system. Self compassion helped me to rewrite my brain reactions.

  • Terry says:

    Sorry to see once again a way of getting one interested stating it is free and then there is!!! a cost!

  • Sheila says:

    I can move more freely with the flow of life

  • Jennifer says:

    I’ve been struggling with knowing what to do when my dog is ailing and blaming myself for her struggles. We’ve had some real ups and downs. I sometimes think that my turmoil is more painful for her than what she is experiencing physically. And that cycles me into guilt and self-recrimination. So remembering to love myself and realize that it’s okay that I don’t have all the answers eases some of that pressure. And loving myself by accepting that my love for her is not necessarily going to alter the course of events allows me to love her unconditionally.

    • judi says:

      We lost out little dog recently. His grave marker says, “If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.” You are right, sometimes whatever you want to happen, whatever you can do, can not change the outcome. So yes, just love yourself and your dog all you can right now.

      • Jennifer says:

        Thanks, Judi. I am grateful for the affirmation and for the awareness that someone heard and cared enough to respond.

  • Catherine says:

    Self compassion is a really strong theme for me rn

  • Danielle says:

    Feeling unprepared in this time of crisis, work, bills, family, friendships. I feel that I am not giving enough. That I am letting myself and others down.

  • Angela Marques says:

    I was raised in a very strict family, with rigid rules and I grew up very judgemental.

  • Diana says:

    Well actually I am facing that right now because my boyfriend broke up with me and I feel super guilty because he told me he was tired of me, and that he needed peace. That just shuttered me! I am trying to be more self conpasionate with me so I can be better !

  • Joanne says:

    Having high expectations of myself in terms of being the best mother, daughter, human and worker has been an unrealistic expectation. Setting myself up to fail, which used to feed in to my not good enough belief. Self compassion has enabled me to live more from my human self and less from my ego, thinking, conditioned self. I speak more kindly to me, give myself praise and understanding. I use different language. I can’t honestly say it’s all the time, but considerably more now and has made a remarkable difference n my life.

  • Sian says:

    I have been harsh and judged myself my whole life and only really became aware of it within the last couple of years, I am 48. I felt/feel I have never been good enough for anything or anyone and that I needed to earn love, and be someone different to receive love. As a result I have used food and alcohol to fill the void.
    I have recently discovered mindful self compassion and it is helping me to be more gentle with myself. Its a process ❤

    • Nancy says:

      I too have been very harsh on myself my whole life Sian, and never felt worthy. I am so glad that you found mindful self compassion to help you. Keep with it. It is what has saved me. I too am in my late 40’s and have realized that it was taught to me by my family of origin. I found that once you have such a feeling of low self worth the world senses it and keeps reflecting that back to you. I am so grateful for programs Sounds True supports and so many other teachers who have shown me ways to love myself. Keep at it every day, Keep listening to the many teachers out there that truly want you to learn and grow. You are worth it!

  • Heidi says:

    By relaxing my super-strict expectations of myself, I “free up” more psychic energy to share with loved ones friends, coworkers and patients. I am no longer expecting my closest beloveds to endure the oft-unrecognized collateral costs of my self-imolation.

  • D says:

    People always seem to leave and I feel I deserve it since it is happening. I guess that is not necessarrily true.

  • judi says:

    I think women in particular, maybe especially those of my generation (I’m in my 70s), feel we are never good enough. That we have to keep busy at all times (at work, in the home, or caregiving for our kids or our parents) and that we have to get it right. I’ve been reading “Meditations for Women Who Do Too Much” and it’s given me much insight into why I do the things I do. Your talk helps me facilitate a way to be able to make a change!

  • Victoria Sargent says:

    Yes always!

  • Raymonda says:

    All the time, I’m too needy, too emotional, too sensitive, too reactive, too disorganised, too lazy, not good enough, not happy enough, not loveable, not productive enough, not the right kind of person. I’m scared to be more compassionate to myself as those traits are all still there.

  • Amy says:

    When I became a mother, I was expecting way too much out of myself.

  • TAMMY BERTHIAUME says:

    I am usually hard on myself and deal with an ongoing issue with low self esteem, It hurts my ability to function on an emotionally mature level.

  • Susan says:

    I have recently realized how hard I am on myself. It was hard to face. I would never talk to anyone the way I discovered me talking to myself. It hurt my own feelings to see it. But I found a huge block when I tried to change it. I discovered with it I did not want to live. I want to learn self compassion. I want to. I’m looking forward to learning more and practicing more mindfulness. Thank you, Sounds True for hosting this. .

  • Beverly says:

    Would call myself stupid. Now I say I’m strong. Revelation to me more than others.

  • Roy says:

    I am usually very critical of myself for my apparent inability to stop overeating. I really hope that learning to be more self compassionate will help me feel better about myself and eat healthier. This is a life-long issue. I am 70 years old.

  • Ashley says:

    I have been hyper judgmental id myself for the last couple years following my beloved grandmothers death. I beat myself up over how mentally unhealthy I was while living with her when she was alive. My challenges negatively impacted the quality of our relationship, and I cannot reconcile that with her in person.

  • Vikki says:

    I’m a counsellor and can be really hard on myself, comparing myself to others and feeling like a failure. I hope to use self-compassion for myself and with clients.

    • Marinella says:

      For many years I worked in mental health and emptied myself in supporting my clients and team leaders. I have struggled with perfectionism my whole life. Six months ago I fell into a very deep and
      dark depression. Seeking the right clinical support and learning to have self compassion is helping me to heal. Thankyou for teaching this very important skill especially during these very difficult and uncertain times.

  • Warren says:

    I’m always my toughest judge and there a times I go to speak up and speak from my heart but then I panicked on how people will see me and not say what I was wanting to say. It will then eat at me because I want to change things for the better.

  • Annie says:

    Excellent lesson and great perspective. As I become more self compassionate I find my patience and compassion for others grows exponentially. Thank you, especially now when our world are changing so broadly and seemingly abruptly with COVID -19. When we have anxiety around the powerlessness we feel about something so life changing, self compassion and compassion for others is paramount. Thank you so much for this gentle and compassionate reminder!

    • Kimberly says:

      We’re suffering great global loss, hence a global grieving process. Self compassion is the magic medicine for this virus ❤️

  • Karen says:

    Thank you for sharing this information. It is perfect timing and well said. May your message resonate throughout the world.

  • Anne says:

    I guess I would become more accepting of myself that though I come flawed; I am still a worthy individual.

  • Janice says:

    I like the manner and ways to talk to the Self.

  • Kimberly says:

    Learning self compassion and how to nurture myself has truly changed my life and evolved the way I hold my suffering! AND the awareness that I was never taught this by my family or in school….lol I’m actually using self compassion for my lack of being taught self compassion lol…love it!
    I realized I’ve always been good at the action /yang part of self compassion which was taught to me, but not good at the nurturing, yin part of self compassion.
    Thank you dearly Kristen for the work you’ve done and your vulnerability to share it with the World ❤️

    FYI I am open to you sharing this comment wherever you want 😄

  • Michelle Barth says:

    Yes

  • Rose says:

    Thank you..I’ve had so many losses.. at 45 I lost my Dad, my husband, and one of my older friends. Closely following that I lost my best friends Mom and Dad. I developed terrible anxiety, my mom developed dementia…I had to sell her home, my home, I had to leave my job, etc…it went on and on. My adrenals are shot. I will be 60 this year,..really no better..I cannot let go of the losses…and I certainly cannot be good to myself..why?

    • barbara says:

      i can relate to loss. in all areas of my life. and i thought i was being punished by the universe in this. that somehow i drew it because i was bad. …. there is no way that is true! loss is part of life. lessons come with loss. accepting loss is so key. it is so much easier to be my best friend than the enemy now. i realize loss is painful, feel it, hug myself alot and go on. this is loving.

  • barbara says:

    my daughter has always been very judgmental of me… distant and divisive. she does it in direct statements that are opposite of what i intend. i am emotional, expressive and loving and very creative. i have had a tough life starting with abuse at 5. i have worked on loving myself and now in older age i have found peace from uncovering all the layers of pain …with loving compassion. yet when she is demeaning and judgmental i cringe. it is like a stab in my heart. it is not true, it is not about me, i am so loving. it hurts to be a target. i feel the pain, and love myself at those moments. yet i want it to stop and have a loving relationship with her. i keep wondering what i have done wrong that is unforgivable. i haven’t. i have been unconditionally loving. it hurts. i love on myself. i have to prepare for another stab when i reach out.

  • Bruce says:

    I’m in my mid seventies and often find myself harsh with my aging body and mind. I need to remind myself that I don’t berate my elderly companions for their struggles, why should I attack myself for my senior issues.

  • Hannah says:

    I have been a little harsh because my emotional reactions was a catalyst in breaking my 6 year relationship. Self-Compassion helped me to review all the conflict situations and nurture the little child in me that was needing to be comforted and feel safe. Self-compassion also helped me to understand that the anger I experienced towards myself from not living from my “Non-identified” Self, was in need of me to trust myself that I would never abandon that true Higher Self again in my life.

  • Carmen says:

    There are many examples of being too hard on myself and suffering from the consequences, but I will focus on one that has to do with perfectionism and performance anxieties. Last year I had to take a leave of absence from a career training program that I was in because of overwhelming anxiety that I couldn’t perform to expectations. Had I had self-compassion, I would have completed the program.

  • Judy says:

    Beautiful! And true. Very important when – during counselling – I begin to feel like a hypocrite for trying to help someone with a problem I, myself, have not solved to perfection! Accepting one’s own humanity is comforting .

  • cheyl bills says:

    I am my own worst critic. I am one who can do 4 things right, but fall asleep thinking of that ONE mistake.

  • Helen says:

    Thank you for reassuring me during I time when I feel triggered facing so much uncertainty.

  • Judy says:

    Self-compassion can help me to be more of a risk taker, to try new things, and have patience with the learning curve. In that way, I can branch out and find joy, in even challenging situations.

  • Donnarae Schwartz says:

    This was beautiful. Thank you

  • Debi says:

    This is an amazing lesson in self-compassion! Thank you for the tools! I will share them with my students🤗

  • Dallen says:

    Thank you for the introduction to self-compassion. Such a simple concept, but a hard practice to like yourself. I have certainly expected less of myself than I have others and appreciate the language to turn the table on compassion.

  • Nicole says:

    I struggle with 2 things in particular when it comes to self-compassion. First, the common humanity. I lost a job offer for a lucrative job in D.C. with no reason given. It was to be the beginning if a new, challenging and rewarding life that I was ready to embrace. After a 17-week residential treatment, all I wanted was to start life anew. Life had other nasty plans. Then, for 7 months after that loss, I haven’t been able to find employment. it’s as if life mocked me. Some people that know of my plight, feel that it makes no sense that I haven’t found a job or that I must be doing something wrong. It’s so very hard to experience common humanity when while we all struggle, my particular plight doesn’t make much sense to some, including to me. The second issue I have is that, after having tried way too many times to get my life on track and continuously fail, I don’t believe I’m worth another shot at life.

  • Sandy says:

    I am not handling my grief from a recent big loss in a healthy way

  • Paul says:

    I don’t know how to control my anger.

  • Donna says:

    Thank you for these reminders. I am currently working through your workbook, put it down several weeks ago. I will go back to the work. Perfect timing. I know from experience that self compassion is critical. And particularly right now.

  • Rita says:

    Fine line between self compassion and SELFISHNESS

  • Christine says:

    I feel inadequate on a daily basis. I have learned to have a sense of humor! I am raising my grandsons and it’s a struggle. I need some help. I need to love myself.

  • Mary says:

    Live, Learn and Love is the secret to harmony with humanity.

  • Cora says:

    After divorcing, I found myself in the working world for the first time in 24 years. Now, several years later the stock market has almost obliterated my savings and my job is not guaranteed. I used to blame myself for being a stay at home mom instead of investing my time in a career. However, because I was at home I was able to raise children who are good citizens of the world, who I love more than anything and who have my values instead of a paid workers’. There are many other benefits, but it took me many years to understand and realize them and not think of how I chose to live my life was not as good as others who chose a different path.

  • Jane says:

    It’s very true that our reality is the creation of our perceptions. When I have been harsh or judgmental with myself, and I have came through it, I always look back and see two ‘realities’ of how I could have lived that day. I think if I could adopt a more self-compassionate stance more frequently, and especially in those moments of difficulties, I would be able to create a new, gentler reality from which to live day to day.

  • Martina Opperman says:

    Thank you for explaining self-compassion so that I can implement it in my situation.I wouldn’t be so hard on myself as in the past.

  • Heather says:

    Thank you so so much.

    For some of use we have learned the difference between self compassion, self love self care vs selfishness, self centeredness. And I think this is very important to understand. There may be people out there were self kindness is a new thought/practice and might aid them to know these differences.

  • Karen says:

    I have a very harsh inner judge/critic, when I fail to advocate for: my grandchildren when they are punished harshly emotionally; & ,for the seniors in our care when they are shamed & disrespected, & when I can’t stand up for myself. I ruminate too much over what I should have done, & fall into criticism & shame for lack of courage.

  • Linda says:

    I have been substitute teaching in public schools for 7 yrs. Although I have been on many interviews this past year I have not gotten a full time position teaching horticulture/agriculture. In the last year I decided to pursue this. I am very mean to myself about not getting the job, even though I am an excellent teacher full of love and compassion for my students.

  • Bea Plasse says:

    Now that the world is facing the existential threat posed by the corona virus this teaching is more value than ever .
    I am remotely working with patients and teaching . them
    the three steps of the self compassion break – thank you Kristen it has been such an invaluable comfort . My patients take to it immediately.

  • AD says:

    Many times. I’m a recovering perfectionist. I think during any of those times, being more compassionate could allow me to move forward more quickly and more wholeheartedly.

  • Gisela Chavez says:

    Few months ago I lost my beloved son 27 years old. I am a psychotherapist and I know the consequences that my mistakes in his early childhood had in his life and influenced in his death. For several weeks I could barely deal with my guilty and regrets until I started to listen very hard about you and all the wonderful people of sounds true. I practice a lot more mindfulness and Self- Compassion and this have been totally change my life!
    Gisela Chávez

  • jackie coventry says:

    my loving others too much and giving myself away,not honouring my own boundaries

  • Helen walker says:

    Once I start a direction— of fear anger criticism,it is soooo hard to turn it around. Like you are chained into a groove

  • Daniella Weaver says:

    A wonderful pratice. Tha
    nk you for it.

  • Catherine says:

    Yes – perfectionism makes everything 100% or feel like a failure

  • Eve says:

    Thankyou Kristen,for sharing this talk on self compassion.
    Since a childI have struggled all my life to find acceptance and enduring genuine love, in the hope of healing my low sense of self worth. While i have attempted to make myself more loveable and show love to others, my life has been full of rejection and pain which has brought me to the ultimate act of self loathing through serious attempts at suicide. I have been an actress, a mother, a new age activist, a friend of nature and all things natural. ..and a grandmother. i have prayed and meditated, done therapy, spent time with spiritual teachers and teachings, and while i have gained much understanding of myself and the human condition, my situation, now in my 70s, living alone, isolated, attempting to accept the disappointments and failures of my life, whilst coming to terms with this next stage of life as my body is moving towards death. Having always been able to feel compassion for others, i am not so kind to myself. Throughout my life, i have internalised very strong self criticism and although i am acutely aware of the destructive nature of this voice and have attempted to practice self compassion as my life depends on it, with some signs of success, my inner judge has such an aggressive hold over me. ‘It’ cleverly keeps up to date with all my attempts to free myself, or to feel compassion for myself, blocking me from giving myself the self acceptance and self forgiveness i so crave. i know ultimately, that ‘it’ only has the power that i give ‘it. “I” feel that i am still in a child/ father relationship with it, and as i value loyalty in my code of love, my predicament is that while i continue in this psychological loyalty, i cannot succeed in my attempt to leave this toxic relationship… I therefore accept that until i take a strong and mature commitment to free myself from this inner struggle, i wont find the peace that i am searching for. Self compassion is the only antidote that i know of to heal my self -hate….little by little.

  • Linda James says:

    I am always harsh and judgemental to myself. I’m learning through cognitive therapy to not be so judgemental and I’ve improved on that, but I find when Im alone I think alot that I’m so misunderstood a great deal by some people around me, not such nice people either. I find what they say hurtful and I cry about it. It’s been going on so long now that I’m tired of it, but it keeps coming back. I need some love and joy in my life….

  • Ana says:

    Thanks so much for this, Kristin, you are truly inspirational. I am a little ashamed of certain behaviours I display, usually to do with being a bit harsh on people although I am seen as a very kind person and know that I am so. I guess there must be unacknowledged harshness and self criticism inside myself which I haven’t properly addressed.

  • Mavis says:

    self compassion is very important and true you can give others what you dont give yourself, the video was great thank you for the reminder and teaching

  • Sara says:

    I am the mother of a mentally challenged son. Now that he has care and I am 65 years old I am turning my focus inward.

  • Hawkeye73 says:

    Thank you for all your work in this area it is so valuable and helpful both for myself and for my clients in mental health setting. I’m so glad I came upon this course to remind me to practice these techniques as I had recently had some difficulties with my partner that had been painful to me and it has helped me to process this.

  • N says:

    I’m a therapist and I see how helpful learning self compassion is personally, after a life time of focusing on my inadequacies, but also for others. I have to say from what I’m read and heard I’m more sceptical about the ‘The Secret’ – the idea that the universe will provide all you need. All the positive thinking in the world is unlikely to work for people who live in the most impoverished parts of the world with limited opportunity.

  • Joanne says:

    Thank you for sharing!

    Twenty five years ago my kids were born with hearing loss, and over the years I had to learn how to cope. Not only with hearing loss, but learning challenges and vision loss. They are aural, use their voice naturally and graduated from mainstream schools and colleges. I threw myself into advocacy while supporting other families as well. My children led me toward compassionate, but toward others: started a parent network, established an international non profit education program, joined many boards. I helped others, Learned and grew my knowledge. While I felt compassion toward others, I harbored my own feelings. Then, 15 years into my work I broke down. All that knowledge and caring for others didn’t help my heart. Thank goodness yoga found me because that began my journey toward self compassion! I was able to strip away the tension, allow emotions to unfold and release. I saw things more clearly. Now, I’m a teacher of yoga, and offer mindfulness movements and meditation. I let go of the need to know. Even still, I’m still learning how to be kinder to myself. “And the beat goes on..”

  • Annabelle says:

    In this time of social isolation, I have been not allowing myself to feel the lack of touch and interaction with others. This clip brought me to tears when you pulled the exercise all together at the end. I think it brought the understanding that although it is wonderful to be nurtured by others, self nurturing/ compassion is always present with each one of us. Thank you so much for sharing!

  • Jessica Zarling says:

    It was from my therapist I realized I was really hard on myself, expecting perfection, and living in a place of “should have.” I learned to recognize Jesus is my Compassion Coach, who is gentle, loving but also despises the destruction sin brings into our lives, just as a Father wants his children not to make mistakes with long lived negative consequences. It was then, I could then look back objectively and take the lessons I learned with me. Now when I am overwhelmed, I think of what Jesus says in the Word, to cast my cares on Him, to learn of Him because He is meek and lowly in heart. It’s incredible when you realize the same compassion you give to others,you are neglecting to give to yourself. I’m so thankful my therapist told me the truth bringing an area of blindness into the light. Another example of God’s faithfulness in leading us into all truth!

  • Christine says:

    Not being good enough for the people I have poured my life and heart to (unfaithful husband) abuse (physical, sexual, emotional, mental) from men; betrayal, rejection has led to feelings of unworthiness. I want to grow in loving myself as God loves me and truly derp down believe it, feel it, experience it, know it! Restore my joy and peace to leave a new legacy to my children.

  • James Bessee says:

    I am in the process of self clearing doing the class of Love or Above and making progress.

  • Elizabeth says:

    I come from a family of self-judgmental women. Both my mother and grandmother were hard on themselves and hard on their daughters. I am now breaking that pattern, but it’s a struggle everyday. When I made mistakes or wrong choices, my mom didn’t show me compassion, she was hard on me, she didn’t know better. How could she, if her mother did the same to her. I don’t blame them, I have compassion for them and their memory and miss them everyday since they left this earth.

  • Edy says:

    Yes. I still am at times. I’m a work in progress.

  • Chelsey says:

    I am critical by nature…and it’s a habit I would like to transform

  • Shane says:

    I struggle to make difficult decisions, and waste my days in indecision. When I am ultimately forced to go left or right, I live in the regret of having not gone the other way. I lack clarity and the ability to accept a decision once it’s made because I have a lot if fear… fear of rejection, fear of wrongful imprisonments. I wish I could say this is a bad day and exhibit self compassion, but the day is years, and the bombardments are new each week. I can be kind to myself because I know I am in a difficult situation, but that doesn’t make my decisions any clearer, or my situation any less precarious. For I believe in a God who taught that He is the way, and his way was one of great suffering.

  • Lisa says:

    I need to give self compassion a chance because what I’ve become is not at all attractive. I’ve been the person trying to make everyone else better and the caretaker for so long that now that I’m nearing age 60 and alone, I’ve become very resentful that no one is there for me. I’m worn down and tired and though I appear happy on the outside, I feel like my life has absolutely no purpose and no one in my life cares to see that. So if this resentment can lesson and I can practice self compassion without resentment getting in the way, that will be a huge improvement for me at this stage of life. Onward!
    Lisa

  • Sarah Mc says:

    I recently gave up self harming and I’ve been doing that for ten years and I’m being very hard on myself , regarding my scars etc , I think if I was more compassionate towards myself it would make me feel better and would help to stop so many of my judgemental thoughts

  • Sheila says:

    When I am self- compassionate I feel better, at peace, calm, at ease, comfortable in my body and forgiving. It’s not easy to do. I find when I’m stressed it’s difficult to be loving with myself. But I know I’m not alone in this.

  • Lisa Greenberg says:

    I judge myself for having my freeze response. If I can hold that with self compassion I can allow my body to move through that response.

  • L says:

    I was recently rejected very coldly by someone I just started seeing but also who I had been very physically and emotionally vulnerable with. It has been over 2 years since I’d been with anyone and I’m feeling extremely shameful and judgmental of myself.

  • Patty says:

    There was a time when I was lost and alone.I forgot myself.I guess I didn’t know myself.I started by looking in the mirror and saying I love you then hugging myself followed. Today I adore myself and I am able to be compassionate with others. My inner child feels safe and secure. We all need love and compassion especially now during these challenging days. Thank-you for sharing the wonderful gift of self compassion.
    Patty🐉

  • Manju says:

    There was a time where my manager was very critical of me and I became judge mental about myself. I spent a lot of late hours and at the end of it still felt unrecognized.
    instead when I adopted self-compassion, I was able to step back and see that my manager was assessing me in a a very narrow way. I realized that I have a lot more skills that were not being given a chance in my current role. So I decided to look for a role with more responsibility that utilized my range of skills. I believe that once I began looking at the situation without negativity, the universe gave me a new leadership role in a month. I have been happy at work everyday and I have got 2 awards as well.
    Self compassion has helped me express my gifts, instead of looking at myself as eternally lacking.

  • Diane says:

    I had a bad habit and gave it up and then began again

  • Michelle says:

    Less hard on myself – learning we all make mistakes. Less hate and more love

  • Zori says:

    I was raised being judge and not being able to ever satisfy my mother. Therefore, I grew up without self compassion. A language I’m just beginning to learn. I know enough now to understand how you treat yourself is a reflection of how you view others! Today I’m ready to learn to love myself more than anything in this world!!

  • Nicole says:

    The inability to be fully compassionate towards myself is causing me to feel paralyzed by anxiety, unable to think creatively and not as available to help others. I wish to be more present so that I can clearly see when and how to take action.

  • Rafael Filipovic says:

    I’ve spent my mothers money buying courses for me to pass the exams to became a cop than I had so much failures and give up. I take for granted my mothers money and didn’t study as I should. Now I’am studying, doing exercices and doing terapy, everyting to be able to finaly pass the exames. But I feel ashmed because I spent so much time doing it and I gave up too easily.

  • Mira says:

    I am ageing and my body is not strong. I get so annoyed with myself for the falls I have been having, bruising my legs and looking ugly. I feel useless and a nuisance to my family and I am only 75 years old

  • Asha says:

    There was a time when I made some wrong decisions in life. I used to then whip myself up constantly, considering myself as a loser. Then, I went for a Vipassana retreat. That helped me cope and sober the harsh critic within me.

  • Elisabeth says:

    I am too harsh on myself in my work. Lots of should and not good enough feelings. I think being more aware of myself and holding to the thought that we all are works in progress and I DO have skills to share will help.

  • Anand Mohandass says:

    Fantastic to hear. We all knew the word self-compassion. But never practiced it. We need to practice it, to realize the true meaning of it. Wonderful words.

  • Joann says:

    Thank you. This is important.
    With this virus scare and having to stop work, I’ve gone in and out of a wrestling match with Shame. I should have saved better. I should have been more responsible about well, Everything! And I bit older now and nervous about future. But it is the Judgment on myself that makes this all circle viciously around being Perfect….
    These steps are something I can put in place of my self judgment. In fact, be alerted to use them when the first thoughts drift in that don’t include my humanness and lovableness….

    Thank you

  • Adriane Johnson says:

    Excellent!!! Thank you! We all need this , especially now! 🙏🙏🙏

  • Shantelle says:

    It allows me to recognize I’m doing my best in less than ideal circumstances

  • withheld says:

    I was disappointed with myself as I felt the fear being felt everywhere with this coronavirus. I’m a senior who has been conscious most of my life to live, learning to be a better person through the various life lessons on the journey. Years ago I faced terrifying fear in cancer, yet now I’m not sick but the other day felt intense fear about the virus, for the safety of people I love, of the world surviving and grief over all the unknown and turmoil it’s bringing. I felt embarrassed and ashamed to observe my own fear and selfishness to protect myself, , someone who lives service beyond my daily caregiver job. I worked with it privately and diligently and somehow thankfully much of it relaxed inside. But I need to be gentle with myself, compassionate here first and not self critical. So I continue on, listened to this first video and will be kinder to myself.

    • Emily says:

      Firstly, I’m glad you are not facing cancer! Ugh. Survival is a strong impulse… natural human instinct. I think as long as you aren’t putting others at a deficit/ disadvantage for your own survival…

  • Darlene says:

    When I get any criticism at work I take it to heart and have difficult time letting it go.

  • Emily says:

    I’ve often held myself to fairly high standards with belief that I am capable and have greater potential. However, I need to remind myself that I am human. I get tired. I have seasonal depression. I’m not perfect, etc. I try to remind myself that moments are transient, that I will not always be in this condition or mindset. With awareness and self compassion I can grow, heal, advance, learn, e.t.c

  • John says:

    Being too harsh and judgmental with myself has been a too-well-practiced “skill.” However, I have been fortunate enough to have been exposed to Kristen Neff , Shauna Shapiro, Rick Hanson, and others. These “friends” and Sounds True have been helping me for over a decade. So, believe me, there is hope.

  • Judith says:

    When my son was diagnosed withApraxia of Speech. I had to tell myself that it was not my fault that I will get through this.

  • Shoshana says:

    Thank You so much for giving me permission to care for myself, and for modeling the loving presence that will take me there. Bless You🌺❤️

  • Carla says:

    I used to be particularly self- critical to myself when I was depressed, treating myself with rough words and anger.
    When I started to practice mindfulness meditation the thing I felt more grateful for was I began to treat myself with self-compassion, and I am not being exagerated to say, that completely changed my life.

  • Barbara Landell says:

    I am too hard on myself now at times…the stories” I tell myself that are just “stories “

  • Sue says:

    I deal with complex PTSD and anxiety sometimes goes through the roof. Today it was at 10. So I watched this video. I’ve practiced self-compassion before. But her explanation has made it much clearer and effective. Especially the part how mindfulness validates, asking what do I need and a kind gesture with the kind words can help. I tried it and feel more into my adult self and calm. Thank you!

  • Jane says:

    I am beating myself up about technology that I struggle with. So, I say out loud that I am dumb which makes me feellike a failure.

  • Natalia Longhi says:

    We are all facing difficult times. I do wish we all may be at peace! I’m from Brazil.
    For me that’s are 2 moments that are challenging:
    – 2,5 years ago I was dismissed after 8 years of your in a huge chemical company. The situation occurred after I migrated and organized an external Certification ISO-9001:2015 audit. The audit was perfect! Zero non conformances…. on top of that, when I asked for a water or coffee my boss said no. It was tough for me. And I do not have courage to come back working after that.
    The self compassion will help me to be brave to come back to work and feel that I have value.
    – Now with the COVID 19, I face the fear of getting the virus and not being here for my toddler…. Self compassion helps me to understand that I’m afraid, that it’s part of life such as death. So, to be present, mindful is the key…

  • Kathy says:

    I really struggle that I am not. Good Enough parent. And turn to self destructive ways to clan my anxiety, wine, romance novels, sarcasm.

  • Gera says:

    None of this is new to me but it’s always a gift to have a gentle reminder and hear it from a new voice. Thanks!

  • Barbara Landell says:

    I’ve been struggling a lot for quite awhile. I’m going to try to remember to use this approach

  • Karl says:

    When I woke up this morning feeling tired and unmotivated as I usually do. Beating myself up for not jumping toward the day with open arms.

    A more self compassionate stance would give me space to SEE those feelings more clearly and sit with them. Remind myself that this is a common feeling that many people have within the fabric of humanity, and that I’m not alone in these feelings.

    And remind myself to be kind to myself, perhaps fostering the feelings of love with a sense of touch, like placing my hand on my chest, caressing my cheek that emote sensory signals to my brain feelings of warmth.

  • Sherrill Cummings says:

    Always judge myself pretty harshly, but most of all have trouble forgiving myself for mistakes of the past, particularly in parenting, as it hurt my children so much.

    • joan f. clarke says:

      We all make mistakes with raising children the best thing we can do is forgive ourselves so we can love them completely without judgment of ourselves or them. Life gives us different paths which we can help our selves and those we love by acceptance.

  • Elizabeth says:

    Thank you so much! I want to be more compassionate
    with myself>

  • joan f. clarke says:

    very easy to condemn myself for small misdemeanors and of course for things that
    I suffered through illness and blamed myself for and have forgiven myself over and over
    but like a record player ….I have to overlook the thought and try with the help of God
    to be gentle and kind to others , the earth and most important to self.

  • Tricia says:

    I’m harsh on myself for not performing to perfection at work and for making mistakes as a parent

  • Amy Morrisey says:

    I get upset when I start something. Let’s say a gym membership and I start out going nice now regularly and like it and then. I stop. Why what’s wrong cause lots of folks can do it. Then I worry of being “ kind” to myself I will NEVER get the motivation to go again. The gym is an example but the over lying thoughts are the same. Sigh

  • Sheila says:

    Harsh with myself when my pain started……told myself I’d done too much it was my own fault etc. Then considered self compassion and thought be kind to yourself, take a break, rest, do something you enjoy……you deserve it

  • Jaclyn Howell says:

    I just can’t break the feeling of not being good enough after 18 years of mental abuse. I think it is helpful to remember mindfulness and to talk to yourself like you would a best friend. I love the hand on the heart and sometimes sends shivers all over my body. Thank you for the reminder!!!

  • Lynn says:

    This is wonderful!
    I am believe this can help my negative thoughts.

  • Savya says:

    l speak portuguese!

  • M says:

    Wonderful,thank you!Very wise words.The bible does say “do on To others as you would have them do onto you”.That is very important advice that we should follow because you are right we are more compassionate to others than ourselves, so we should do that with also the desire that that’s what’s we want from others(and ultimately ourselves) during difficulties. To be just as compassionate.

  • Brian says:

    Generally, I’m very judgmental of myself. However, I’m aware of this, and I know that this judgment is not rooted in me–it’s rooted in the abuse I suffered as a child. But I have a hard time being non-judgmental in practice. It feels natural. Which means I’m squirming watching this video…which in turn means I need to watch it. I’m trying to allow myself to feel my feelings. Being kind to myself is difficult. I’m kinda still wondering what that would look like. I imagine it’s about self-care such as breathing, self soothing using the 5 senses, etc.

  • Brian says:

    Making mistakes and failing is indeed part of being human. But whenever I receive even constructive criticism, I either become extremely defensive (I feel angry), or I start crying. I’ve cried at jobs before, and I feel unjustified shame that I cried. I’m scared of being seen as unstable.

  • Lynda says:

    I had lost a significant amount of weight and now had added quite a bit back.

  • Helen Jensen says:

    Thank you for the explanation of how I can take the steps to give compassion to myself. When I accept myself as a kind, happy being I notice ones who are with me are enjoying my presence. And this helps me to work consistently on myself.

  • SUSAN says:

    Be less anxious & stressed

  • True says:

    As a child growing up I experienced , traumatic events and I blamed myself, it was only as an adult I have learned to be kinder to myself.

  • Sally says:

    Became more resilient; let go of spending energy berating myself; had energy to try new things

  • Sylvie bergeron says:

    Thank you! I will certainly try. 😇

  • Jo says:

    I’m constantly expecting myself to be perfect, I think. To say the right thing, for everyone to love what I say and do… no criticism at all. So when I am criticised by others or by myself it’s awful. The distress is intense. Probably difficult for others to give me feedback too. Makes me sad to think of it. I have heard of self compassion via my work. I went to a talk by a psychologist who referenced Kristen’s work. I loved it. I think I probably just need to have a reminder and practice daily.

  • Elaine Orgill says:

    Yes pretty much in the past. Now, I am doing Kundalini Meditation (for the past 3 years), working on my chakra system. I am now beginning to love myself a bit.

  • Della says:

    I had a traumatic incident happen this week.. I suffer from Anxiety in general anyway, but then I’ve been extra nervous with this pandemic. Then a snow storm was supposed to hit which added to my nerves and I went to bed in a very stressed state of mind. I woke up in the morning to find my bathroom sink filled with hair and discovered to my horror that I had gotten up in the middle of the night and cut all my hair off in my sleep. I have no recollection of it. I couldn’t fathom how or why I did it as I have never had sleep-walking issues and I had in fact recently gotten a new hair style that I loved.

    After a talk with my therapist (on the phone for social distancing!), she gave me a lot of feedback about how she thinks I am too self-critical and that I put too much pressure on myself to “get things right” and then beat myself up when of course I can’t get it all done perfectly. She thinks the looming snow storm was combined with the ongoing pandemic anxiety and my own general inability to go easy on myself. I may have felt a subconscious need to ‘get rid’ of something I had been feeling good about (a new hairstyle that I liked) to “make room” in my head for worry and self-criticism. She said my new confidence and my habitual self-criticism couldn’t coexist. It makes sense to me; it was a wake up call.

    Her advice is that I need to be more gentle on myself, have more self-compassion, and start practicing kindness toward myself. It took me days to look at myself in the mirror and I’m still not comfortable with it, I found it hard to forgive myself for doing such a “crazy” thing even though I was sleep-walking and clearly overwhelmed. It was hard for me to type this just now, but I did so because it’s a scary example of what we can do to ourselves consciously and subconsciously when we don’t practice self-compassion. This is a skill I’ve never learned. I am only able to preview these free clips unfortunately and can’t afford the course, but I am grateful just for these few video previews. I hope others who are able to take the full course find great benefit from it. Even this short first video has been helpful for me. We really need to start treating ourselves better. PS: On the bright side, at least I don’t have to go into public places and be seen right now!!!

  • Alison Botha says:

    Loved this talk. Starting with self compassion today and above all make every effort to be mindful and live in the moment

  • QT says:

    I feel revulsion and disgust with the thought of being kind to myself YET when I try it, it feels so glorious, such a relief . I am so thankful for the gift of this training! I hope I can pass on my learning to my foir daughters and my grandson and can become a happier , more peaceful person.

  • Jude says:

    I am very harsh with myself around constantly feeling unprepared. I often tell myself that I am not good enough, that I don’t find out the things I really need to know in order to be successful in a situation, and that I constantly and repeatedly set myself up for failure. The reality is I don’t fail nearly as often as I feel I will, or even as I feel I SHOULD. But I still live with a constant undercurrent of anxiety about it. And I feel pulled in so many directions that I often feel guilty about requesting the time I need to actually BE prepared. It is a vicious cycle. I think if I were more compassionate with myself, a few things would happen. 1st, I would realize that it is ok to ask for that time, 2nd, I would feel more prepared, and 3rd, I would probably realize I don’t need to know EVERYTHING, I only need to know enough.

  • Debi says:

    Recently ended a 4 year relationship with a man I loved, finding out after-the-fact, he wasn’t honest with me and likely had mental health issues I didn’t see, or maybe acknowledge. Feeling like I made another mistake, and at this phase of my life, another mistake is not good. Now I’m struggling financially, trying to decide where I want to be, and what I need to do! Completely overwhelmed and beating myself up. My confidence has reached an all time low.

  • Jenn says:

    I once shared with a support group that I come from a family where “ a dead horse would be beaten until it got up and walked “ my father had no compassion for himself and no empathy for others. I am in my 70s now and have gradually become aware of how a harshly I treat myself. I have spent my life giving others the compassion I want for myself – treating others as I want to be treated . I am greatly in need of self compassion but resist giving it to myself. I think I am looking for permission and encouragement from those I care about. However, Iwas not able to teach my children self compassion either so I don’t think they will be able to encourage me nor will my siblings. I keep working at being self compassionate even though it is difficult. Being compassionate and accepting of my feelings is especially difficult. To do so feels like I am being disloyal to family values and that brings fear of criticism and rejection.

  • Doug says:

    Yes, I am always beating my self up and to hard on myself as a normal thing for me

  • madeline says:

    thank you for this talk. I have been in an abusive relationship. When I move into self compassion, I am able to give myself permission to leave and take care f myself. thank you

  • Pamela says:

    My marriage became increasingly difficult and I kept trying to figure out how I could make it better, an attitude reinforced by my spouse’s criticism of me. Ultimately I ended up at Alanon, and through their programs and additional counseling I realized that I was not causing the problem, his addiction was. I did have to leave the marriage……that was the ultimate act of self-compassion, and healing from all the years of abuse and trying too hard has been a continuing conscious process. I agree with all you have said: self compassion is basic.

  • Robin says:

    I am on a lifestyle change of no flour and no sugar in what I eat. When I have a break and I eat the flower sugar I am so hard on myself. I consider myself a failure, and good for nothing. But when I look at it with self compassion, then I am able to pick myself up, brush myself off , and MoveOn Back to my. Program. That is easier said than done. I don’t practice self compassion, so then I stay stuck.
    After listening to Dr Neff, I have some new ideas on how I can be kind to myself so then I won’t stay stuck in my pity party. I’m certainly going to try what she has suggested. Thank you 💜

  • Bea Brooks says:

    For retiring early

  • Thais says:

    I have a very strong desire for being a stronger, healthier, better version of myself and nothing that I do feels like enough to me. All my life feels out of order. I know that uncondicional self acceptance is the right mindset but have a very hard time to make it really opetational in my mind. It is very hard to live with my mind, it just dont accept tô make functional some concepts that I know to be truth. Most of the time I am very judmental and harsh on myself and I know this is not good, so I am harsh with myself again, for being harsh. I feel stupid and out of hope. I feel lost most of the time. Very hard to live with myself.

  • Sarah says:

    When my marriage broke down. I would tell myself what an idiot I was getting to this situation. If I had been more compassionate with myself, I probably could have managed the separation better, worked through the real issues faster, and had a better relationship with my ex.

  • T says:

    I hold shame, guilt and blame for not protecting my children from someone who was highly manipulative and abusive. We were able to get him out of our lives (and incarcerated) and all of us into therapy. But … I am a mental health professional and have great difficulty in being compassionate to myself around this. My incredible family has all made a ton of gains and are doing so well. I have done a ton of work but still cannot fully release my shame, blame and guilt … I can easily implement self compassion in other areas of my life, but not this one. I continue to be stuck. I do believe I may be able to get there one day and truly feel full and complete in my healing journey. I hold love, light and hope.

  • Patty says:

    My husband cheated with another woman after being together for 36 years, married for 34 years. He left, cane back, and left again. This person is 17 years younger than me. We are all shocked. I can’t understand and things he says like I love you deeply, I just can’t live with you. She’s calm. I’m happier and healthier. So what does that say about me? I just want to leave the planet.

  • Pimm says:

    I’ve chosen to hold my boundary around not letting adult addicted family members live in my home while they’re in active addiction. Even with COVID-19. This has been very painful for me, both before, & during the pandemic. I practice daily self-compassion rituals because, for me, self-compassion is a practice & not a place I’m able to stay. I ‘forget’ & come back to it. The mantra that has helped me most is, “I matter, too.” Putting my arms around myself &/or my hands on my heart as Kristen demonstrates seems to deepen the compassion in my body. I’m grateful for this offering to us during this hard time.

  • Laura says:

    Always judge myself harshly and it’s holding me back from making a difference to other people’s lives

  • Rosie Reframe says:

    My difficulty is doing anything techinal .I am accepting thatit is hard but acknowledge that I am doing the best I can .I can be proud of progress I make and not bring the SHAME SELF in .

  • Ulysses says:

    Looking for some help to find myself I am 75 and still sad

  • Heather says:

    I’m a perfectionist so as soon as I behave in a way which doesn’t meet my standards I dwell on it for months . If I didn’t do this I would have much more grace and ease in my life

  • Ellen says:

    I am really hard on myself, all the time as everyone else attests to. When someone else does better than me I put myself down. I will work on catching those moments and talk to myself about what is important.

  • Shari says:

    This video made me feel amazing

  • Sue Dauer says:

    Just share love with others

  • Patricia Soares Salomon says:

    Self compassion helped me to reduce internal charges. I am very critical. I am a psychologist and I love working with this theme with my clients.

  • L. M. says:

    I’m often too critical of myself in terms of what I say, my intelligence, my figure, etc. Being more self-compassionate and -accepting would cause less anxiety and hopefully decrease my perfectionism.

  • Victoria says:

    I use harsh words when talking to myself and reprimand myself using negative words leaving me feeling worthless and incapable and low.
    Being more compassionate with myself would help me feel loved, supported and encouraged to believe in myself.

  • Jack says:

    I’m having a difficult time coping with one of my classmates because he is passing what he can do and ought to do to me while I am overwhelmed by tasks of my own. I am burnt-out. I have the stong feeling of refusing him. And my self-judgement of wandering if (and believing) I’m too indifferent to help oters makes me suffer. Self-cpmpassion torwards myself makes me realize the stress and uncomfor he and his demand give me. And I tell mysel some people are indeed lazy and irresponsible. If my energy and time are limited I have the right to refuse tiresome tasks.

  • larry says:

    I find with my judgemental thoughts of myself and others, there are times when I can laugh at the absurdity of some of the thoughts “where did that come from?” It is a process I am grateful for the thoughts they allow me to be mindful what fun 🙂

  • Martha says:

    Current depression and panic attacks when I address anything where I must make a decision or any thing financial. Exercising and meditating to stay calm. A struggle daily.

  • Deborah says:

    self-compassion has helped me a lot and I want to learn more and more

  • Betty Wexler says:

    I would accept myself as I am not what I desire to be.

  • Marcia Fritz says:

    Kristin, you are a voice of calm in this time of uncertainty. Thank you for your selfless contribution to our common good.
    Sending infinite love & gratitude. —— Marcia Fritz

  • Noreen Cross says:

    To care for my all being before others . I always look after /care more for others & neglect my feelings until I finally get sick or become so depressed.

  • Michelle says:

    My behaviour and attitude after an abusive relationship’

  • Patricia says:

    Thank you. I learned about self compassion before, it´s so nice to learn again, specially in this time of uncertainty. Sometimes I´m judgemental when I loose my temper with my family, or can´t take care of them all the time and can´t do the work I have to do during quarantine. Stop for a bit, remembering that this is a challenge and the self compassion excercises you do help a lot

  • Shirley says:

    Excelent

  • Monte says:

    I am hardly aware of how harsh I am in myself but I see how harsh I am on others. I had a new friend, who barely knew me, tell me this had to stop and could stop right now…that was some time ago
    Today my AA sponsor told me my ignoring my mental health was a lack of self-esteem. I can see that. I am signing up from intuition.

  • Kim says:

    Inner peace and calm, faith in infinite possibilities, what a priceless gift to the soul and spirit that would be. And what a beautiful and compassionate gift to freely share with humanity! Thankyou with much Gratitude❤️ Namaste 🙏

  • Patti says:

    I am still unhappy in my long term relationship which reinforces old beliefs about being unloveable. I feel ashamed of this relationship which makes me feel bad about myself and get into a vicious cycle in my head when trying to decide if i should stay or leave. I dont fully believe i could at my age find real love. I am afraid of being alone but shut down at home and I dont like who I am there. I dont know if the problem is in my mind or in the relationship

  • Andrea says:

    Yes! Always! I am so wired to work hard constantly that I am struggling with slowing down during Covid 19 crisis . Very tough on myself. “ You are lazy, you aren’t doing enough, you should be contributing…..”

  • Susan says:

    A very long time ago (around 25 years) I noticed how very judgmental In my mind i was towards others and I didnt like this aspect of myself and so I decided to stop it. Each time I caught myself thinking something negative about another person, which was often, I caught myself and instead said something compassionate to myself about that person. Gradually over the years I noticed a significant decline in my automatic negative judgments towards others and a feeling of acceptance and compassion for others took its place, which is more in line with my values. Surprisingly, and something I hadn’t expected was that I gradually became much less self judgmental towards myself. I became more accepting, and more compassionate towards myself. This lead me to know from first hand experience that self compassion is the antidote to the inner critic.

  • HeyShelly says:

    Today, I tagged an acquaintance who I have a crush on in my instagram story thanking teachers for continuing their work during the pandemic. I judged myself harshly afterwards, oh you’re trying to win his affection through flattery, that’s sad. But, if I can bring self compassion to myself I can say, I can see you hurting at the thought he either won’t care, or look down on you for your earnestness. What can I do to help you? Trust folks will take your gesture of gratitude as intended and continue to be gentle to yourself during these moments of vulnerability- you’re not alone! Many folks struggle to be vulnerable!

  • Saidy says:

    Much to often, more self- compassion would help me refocus my attention on finding solutions.

  • Jenn says:

    If I were more self compassionate, I believe I would be more forgiving of my failures and more accepting of myself. 😔

  • Tina says:

    I have been judging myself for not having the confidence and focus to offer meditation and yoga to my friends and family.
    Taking a more self-compassionate stance would obviously feel better but is challenging to master

  • Ashley says:

    Yes, way too many times. A more compassionate stance has allowed me to let go of deep hurts I’ve been carrying. I’ve been able to let go of the drama and anger tied to other people, and better offer my love to healthy relationships.

  • Kim says:

    Thank you so much for this. It seems like such an easy concept. I pride myself on being a good listener and friend but I never realized how negative and damaging my own inner voice could be. Do unto others as you would have done to you. Well, I can’t imagine I would have many friends left if I was as hard on them as I am to myself.

  • Kandi says:

    I can’t forgive my 28 year old self for betraying a family because it’s the second s time it happened.

  • Barbara Landell says:

    I have rejected my wounded parts too much

  • Traci says:

    My opinion doesn’t matter

  • MeLinda says:

    Due to the quarantine my job has become much more intense and I have become more self-critical than ever before. The fear of making a mistake has just grown immensely. My mentor and supervisor knows me well and reminded me to focus on what is in my control and what I can do in the moment. I have practiced mindfulness for years and am a bit disappointed I am having a difficult time leaning into my practice. So, self-compassion will be a great way to get back into my true self.

  • Emma Kennedy says:

    Yes there was a time it was unheard of for me to think anything but negative about myself. Once I stopped doing this my life changed dramatically and I became happier and more resilient in myself. I started putting myself forward for things and became surprised at my ability and talents. It’s like opening a door in your mind to allow the good things in too

  • Madl says:

    More than one sadly. I feel that I am often my own worst enemy. I tell others all the bad sides of me. I berate myself all the time. I feel shame about being lonely.

  • Kat says:

    Yes- letting go of shame from years of negative beliefs of myself can lead me to a greater sense of self and freedom to live a more fulfilling g life.

  • Sobeyda says:

    I think it’s very important because you don’t know when you were to be in the place of others.
    It’s so important to help others, to put yourself in their place.
    Is essential for all human beings to practice a self compassion.

  • Anna says:

    thank you Dr. Neff, this was a warm (virtual) hug and a welcome respite. I will be giving self-compasion a larger space in my life and sharing the three components with others

  • Edward Jarvis says:

    Love it, tell me more.

  • Cequita Monique says:

    I am grateful for this access to basic information inspiring stimulation, mindful motivation for healing creation.

  • Courtney says:

    Currently going through serious troubles in my marriage. While I am aware I am not entirely to blame, it is hard not to blame myself for everything. It is effective my self esteem, self worth and self image. Finding compassion for myself is probably one of the best things I can do for myself at this time.

  • Blessing says:

    I would trust my abilities more.

  • Erika says:

    Feel lighter more accepted

  • Joan says:

    Learn to accept self and others – often a challenge. I want to overcome judgment.

  • Raewyn says:

    Not sure

  • Mary says:

    On the day the first advisory to stay at home because of Covid-19 was issued where I live, I was looking out a window and thought suddenly that I felt “better” (for lack of a better word) for the first time in years. Despite feeling anxious and overwhelmed. Despite feeling existentially threatened. I let myself look out the window and feel that way, even though it seemed so selfish. I realized that ever since the moment of my son’s sudden traumatic death seven years ago, and the existential threat it made immediate and omnipresent for me, I have felt largely alone, felt “weird” except among others who know the reality of mortality through the sudden, traumatic death of a child. I am so so sorry this pandemic is happening to everyone, but it is happening to everyone, and we are together in our growing awareness of vulnerability, and in facing this existential threat. So, I no longer feel alone, and that makes me feel “better.” And I feel grateful for the spontaneous real-time online gatherings of people I have known in real life or virtually, bringing us together for a few moments, tentatively learning how to be together meaningfully. People crave companionship when threatened and feeling vulnerable. I feel so much more compassion for myself for all the years I have felt mostly alone – all the years I have been “invited” to isolate myself in grief by our collective phobia toward death. I feel encouraged by others struggling to find the courage to face this.

    • Donna says:

      Mary, I’m so glad you’re no longer feeling alone and I very much relate to the reason why. I have felt a fair amount of lifelong loneliness that has been partially alleviated by our being in this pandemic together, even though I would absolutely 100% wish it away if I could! 💕

  • Ryan says:

    For the past 2 yrs, I have been having a hard time getting over my ex and putting myself out there. I came to believe I wasn’t worthy of love and I have been scared to ask some ladies I find atttractive out on dates because the possibility of rejection felt like it would destroy me.

    I’ve read numerous self-help material, and am even in therapy but things haven’t looked good for some time. Maybe it’s time I do something different for a change. Rather than feeling embarrassed and ashamed of my perceived failings, and wanting to get rid of those feelings, I can be more gentle and compassionate with myself.

  • Lindsey says:

    I struggle with judging myself as a mother. I have a bad habit of comparing my parenting abilities to others. I always feel like I am never doing enough or teaching my son enough as I watch other kids his age doing things that I feel are beyond my child’s abilities or my skills as a parent. I always feel like I can’t keep up with the world.

  • Ruth says:

    I’m always hard and judgmental of myself ever since. I have not forgiven myself for the mistakes I’ve done.

  • Robin says:

    I am a co-dependent person, and if I don’t beat myself up at least once a day something went wrong, I am working on being more dependent on myself and not on other people first.

  • Amanda says:

    Every day. I make mistakes and act in ways that don’t necessarily aline with my values then beat myself this is followed by low mood which lasts days.

  • Ingrid says:

    I think my life has a opportunity to be better when i stopped to judging myself and the others too

  • Idalia says:

    My criticism of self came from my not understanding what emotions were driving my actions. Need to understand my WHY, to better understand my often harsh responses. Fear of being hurt, rejected or misunderstood.

  • Priscilla says:

    It was amazing. I have been reading her book Self Compassion, but watching her talking about it, is a great way to be more involved with self compassion. Thank you for sharing this video.

  • Alexandra says:

    I used to do it a lot…criticising myself for my actions and behaviours.I started observing these thoughts and use compassion and acceptance to be kinder to myself.

  • Maria says:

    Thank you. I have read all your books and research articles.

  • Louise says:

    I have been diagnosed with Breast cancer amidst this pandemic. Feeling lots fear

    • John says:

      Hi Louise, my heart goes out to you. I don’t know what it is like but it must pack loads of fear with it 😢. The real problem though is fear creates anxiety which engages your flight of fight part of the brain. Blood to stomach gets diverted to muscles which compromises your immune system just when you need it most 😱. Wish I could assist, look for the remedy that you know is there not the one you know isn’t. Humour always good.
      What do you call an empty jar of cheese whiz ?
      Cheese Whaz
      Cheers Louise, be safe

    • Donna says:

      My heart goes out to you, Louise.💗💗🤗🤗

  • Laura says:

    I am a mindfulness teacher and also work for the NHS in a social prescribing project and am speaking in cluster meetings, GP conferences but am holding myself back due to a lack on confidence and self worth. It is an opportunity to speak about how mindfulness can help people in the health profession and patients

  • Melanie says:

    All the time!

  • John says:

    I live off of the grid, am I able to download when in village and listen at home ?
    Thanks

  • Lourdes says:

    I am actually reading the book “THE POWER OF SELF COMPASSION “
    Thank you this was very enlightening

  • Monica says:

    Losing a 3 month pregnancy after years of trying has been a difficult thing to deal with… although rationally I know not to blame myself, I am harsh to my self, and my own judgements about my body are nothing like what I would say to a friend.

    • Quianna says:

      What would you say to a friend? Challenging myself to say the words I would to a friend has been the most important part of my healing. It takes work but the more you do it the better you get at it and the better you feel about yourself afterward.

  • Erin says:

    I am always critical of myself and extremely judgmental of myself. This in turns causes me to also judge others. It can be such a shame spiral. I truly know that the practice of self compassion frees me from being so harsh, allows me to forgive myself and opens me up to be more accepting and forgiving of others as well.

  • Linda Brink says:

    Being an alcoholic/addict in recovery for 16 years, my mind has punished me with blame, shame and self loathing! I have worked the 12 steps, become Buddhist and utilized the 4 Noble Truths and the 8 fold Path in my journey. I still sabotage myself.

  • Jacquie says:

    Feeling more peaceful and calm

  • Quianna says:

    In the midst of such a crazy time in life, I am also going through a breakup of a long term relationship. I have been struggling with blaming myself for everything that went wrong and criticizing myself for not being able to be different. Things are starting to turn upward because I’ve been able to remind myself that what I’m going through would be hard for anyone and showing myself compassion by accepting that I am doing the best I can given all of the factors at work.

  • Kathleen Lockyer says:

    Yes. I left my after “retirement” job to support my husband after a medical urgency developed suddenly. Since that time I have had to adjust my superpower expectations in regard to ongoing care and lifestyle adjustments.
    Some days are more challenging than others. The current global and very personal medical and safety challenges bring it all to place I never envisioned, at least for our country and the world at large. I feel this program could assist in supporting my own expectations and refine daily functioning to be more pleasurable, successful and validating.

  • Lin, EL Ong says:

    Compassion in itself is like food for life. Be it towards self or others an essential, and crucially as a way of being, regardless of the direction. Sometimes through circumstances in ones experience, some are unfamiliar with compassion either because it was so rare to receive or that it was coated with all sorts of messy stuff. To know struggles and to receive compassion, to feel it even glimpses, is a right of humanity. Only then can one comprehend the importance and sharing compassion seems like the only way to be and becomes spontaneous.

  • Gabriela Novelo says:

    I am working on a project to help people improve their quality of life. Would you please provide your e-mail so I can write to you more about it. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.

  • Julie says:

    Help me be more present and authentic

  • Brenda says:

    I believe it would give me more self-confidence, less feelings of guilt, more patience with myself. This is something I truly need.

  • Lolli says:

    When some one close passes away.
    After dating and being rejected

  • Maria says:

    Kind to yourself = kind for others

  • Susan says:

    It’s interesting that through some really long term difficult circumstances (NPD and alcoholic parent, then things got even crazier), I’ve developed some of these skills on my own somehow, but it is not natural and I did not learn this in my family of origin. I think perhaps there have been enough kind people in my life for me to recognize compassion, and that I cannot look outside for it. Books and La Leche League also helped.

    The last point You make here, I realized, is something I have more recently started doing but it’s taken over 50 years to get here: I’ve started speaking to my body (and the child in me), even to the point of apologizing for not having taken as good a care of Her as she may have needed, while acknowledging I didn’t have the skills or resources. I will say to her some of the very things you mention.

    Thank you for affirming that practice. I don’t talk about it but it helps me, though I do still struggle sometimes, like we all do.

  • Jeanne says:

    Being introduced to the concept of and tools for practicing it has been life changing for me. At first, it was very difficult to speak words of kindness to myself as I didn’t even know what goose sounded like. It felt awkward to use someone else’s words, but I did anyhow. Doing so not only helped me to move through the saddest, most difficult life situation I had ever faced, but to really see that others are struggling and to offer them compassion as well. While I still need lots of practice with speaking nurturing, caring words to people who are suffering, this practice has definitely helped my to drop judgement and harsh criticism of myself and others. I hope everyone will try it and show up more lovingly with themselves and everyone else.

  • Joan Criscuolo says:

    I am almost always hard on myself. I could have used these techniques of self-compassion as a child. I was raised in a critical environment and married into one that doesn’t verbally express encouragement. My first thoughts are negative. Thanks to some good friends and a compassionate work place there is improvement on how I look at myself. I regress under stress. Thanks for these lessons. I will practice them and take them to heart!

  • Maureen says:

    For not paying more attention to things

  • Michelle Stoneham says:

    I’m very harsh on myself., mainly around my over eating, which then leads me to over eating more.

  • Gita says:

    Changing the way my job looks from the virtual perspective has left me feeling useless and ineffective. I feel I am unable to offer support to my colleagues as I had in person and this has made me feel incompetent and I visible.

  • Karlene says:

    I have been really judging & harsh with myself about putting on weigh t over the past year, even though I have had health struggles with chronic bronchitis & have had to take a lot of medication & had no energy at all. I also continued to work through this.
    I could be very loving to my body & change my self talk about my body, telling it I love it as it has been so brave & struggling to actually keep me alive! That’s nothing to be ashamed of, it’s fierce & courageous & beautiful

  • amarja kamp says:

    Love it. I promised myself I would always have my own back. I went from self hate to compassion an love and it made all the difference

  • Mary says:

    Thankyou for this wonderful course offering.
    Do you have any scholarships available- for example- 50% paid by student, and 50% by organization?

  • Julie says:

    Yes, I’m learning new software at work. I find it hard. I’ve been giving myself a hard time for noting being able to dobit.

  • rita says:

    Earlier this spring I started to work in a place that is already familiar for me from earlier years. However this time it felt really hard to start there. Ive felt anxious and in unease. Ive been a bit blaming for myself for that and felt shameful. Now its easier for me to see that my last years have been very rough, its ok to feel weird there; Im tired, and I might be reacting harder to things this time also because I know its not what I want to do after all. I want to reach for different goals, work on my creative talent. I also easily react to changes and there are many new workers who I dont feel so comfortable with. In between I worked some weeks in an even more difficult place. And now I am back in this one. It feels easier. Now I can be more compassionate to myself, lower the bar, take action where needed. The start of the spring here feels like a failure. But I am allowed to fail. And when Im done with this job after this spring, im going to look for something very easy. And try to reach my new creative goals as well. Ive had hard years and actually I need an easy job for now. Its ok, if I still have ambitions and want to keep working on some job on this field later, I can do it when I am more rested and doing better.

  • Capucine says:

    Thank you Dr Kristen. Very helpful during a very anxious time right now.

  • Shoma says:

    Many times. I’ve always been hard on myself and things have begun to change only recently. Failing, Shame, easing off on myself have never been possible in my own set view of outcomes. In time, and with life-events, I think I’ve realised that I’ve been extremely hard on myself. And much nicer to others.

  • Kirsty says:

    Iy allows me to share all my knowledge, experience and teachings with others, without fear for asking for something in return.

  • Jan Abraham says:

    My position was eliminated in November. I of course was wondering why me? I started to examine what I did wrong but then I realized it was timing. It had nothing to do with my performance it is just the current retail climate. I know sometimes things have a way of working out. Even though I am currently still looking I am keeping a positive attitude and I am being compassionate with myself.

  • Jonathan Goad says:

    It would help ke with my self criticism. I have a very stronger inner critic that attacks me daily. I have been meditating daily since january 3rd and it has helped me profoundly.

  • Nancy Watt says:

    Respond versus react

  • Illena says:

    Think, right now, my learning curve is acknowledging when I have underlying fear, which I’m not feeling into. I’m working with serious illness, and just try not to pay too close attention.

  • Elizabeth says:

    The problem is that I don’t think I’m being too harsh I deserve the derision I put on myself.

  • Maria says:

    Procrastination is the word I always hear inside my head. As a master’s student this has become a big thing for me as I have lot of deadlines and assignments that require me to be organized and disciplined. However, It doesn’t matter how hard I try I always find the “I better do it later” more appealing until the point where I’m super stressed because once again I’ve run out of time. The worst part is blaming myself because I’m not able of changing this toxic pattern. I feel that I’m disappointing myself and it’s getting worse. I feel somehow trapped.

  • Siobhán says:

    I am Learning to quieten my inner critic with self compassion, positive affirmations and loving kindness meditation x

  • Steve says:

    When my wife does not respond to physical flirtation I tend to beat myself and tell myself how unwantable I am

  • Jen says:

    Most of the time. I take things very personally and I’m working very hard to realise that I am not responsible for the actions of others.

  • Deana says:

    I lost 52 pounds and was so proud of myself. But then stress hit me straight on! I had 2 surgeries within 3 weeks, then my dad passed away on valentines Day, then I wound back in the hospital for a 3rd surgery. I have gained 15 pounds back and daisies tell myself how terrible I am because I gained some weight back. There is no self-compassion! I realized the other day that instead of focusing on the 15 I gained back, I need to focus on the 37 I still kept off!

  • Rosa Carrillo says:

    I will definitely use this in my own teaching. It’s important to teach this to others because many individuals have their own underlying trauma.

  • Sandra says:

    My husband of 32 years has a form of dementia that began at least 8 years ago. He was the one who took care of details whereas I was the visionary. I joined a support group about 3 years ago which has helped me greatly. The habit of being too harsh and judgmental of myself rears its head when I compare myself to others in the group. While I frequently leave the support group feeling better, on the way home I start comparing my care of my husband to how others care for their loved ones. I often come up short. Phrases like “if only you were more like_______________, you’d be a better caregiver.” If only _______________ then __________________. It is not in my best interest to continue this habit. An adoption of a more self-compassionate stance would allow me the freedom to care for him fitting my personality, intellect, and life experiences. It would give me room to breathe and accept the situation instead of making it into someone else’s lifestyle.

    • Margaret says:

      I also live with a similar situation and I am learning to not expect the norm but acknowledge your husband sees things as they r to him. I needed to accept the loss of a person with whom I share my life and resolve that all I can do is To Do My Best. Good Luck

  • Elishe says:

    When I make a suggestion to my boss and put time and effort into an idea that is rejected. I immedietly think I am not good enough instead of learning from it.

  • Jodie says:

    I struggle daily driven by perfectionism and an others’ views as measures of my success. I imagine self-compassion could help me feel more cared for and self-confident.

  • Elizabeth says:

    Sigh…. That inner critic is always at work in my head. I have definitely put work in to be more accepting and compassionate of others…I just don’t know why it’s so hard to do this for myself.

  • william stubbert says:

    let ego go!
    now.

  • Michelle says:

    Self-criticism is a huge part of my life right now. Partly this is a matter of habit but I also chose to study with some people who used criticism in a way that was abusive. I was diagnosed with PTSD a few months ago and processed the memories using EMDR. Now I am working to develop a new relationship with myself. I notice criticism around the fact that I chose to work with those teachers and the consequences that it led to. I developed a number of medical conditions between the time I developed PTSD and the time when it was diagnosed and treated. I lost my career, all of my money, and had to start living with my parents. I feel like a failure and I tend to blame myself for the situation I’m in. It’s scary being so sick and it’s scary being reliant on others who don’t share my values or believe in the medical practices I believe in. I’m having a really hard time and I’m looking forward to learning more about how to support myself through this.

    • Margaret says:

      As a nurse and feeling compassion for u it is immediate that u have a GP with whom u feel understands u and ask for help Your family may not agree with your medical team It is important than u do.

  • Reimdiggidy says:

    When I lost my mom to cancer . About six years ago. I wasn’t there for her.

  • C says:

    Last year I burned out and left my job after a particularly difficult period both personally and professionally.

    I subsequently attended a course to learn how to support others and the biggest lesson I learnt was that I needed to show myself the same level of kindness and compassion that I show to others.

    Although I am still developing this quality, it has changed my perception of myself and the way in which I work with others as I recognise when they too are treating themselves so harshly.
    Tomorrow I have an interview and although I feel nervous I have a very different and more positive attitude towards it than I used to feel in these situations.

    Thank you for your input…

  • Lisa Hodges says:

    I don’t think there has been a time in my life that I haven’t been critical of myself I’m not good at anything
    I would like to build compassion and self esteem worth…

  • Linda James says:

    Being more self compassionate to myself will open so much more paths of enlightenment for me. I had an ah ha moment the other day with my counselor over why I am having a hard time getting to my sewing machine to create things. She did DMR with me and the reason became so clear. I was beating myself up over doing something wrong and becoming frustrated because of it. It all makes total sense to me why now as to why. I have to be more self compassionate to myself when I do feel that frustration instead of beating myself up and feeling stupid. Now I know what I need to do.

  • Eli says:

    Oh yes, I grew up with the criticism of my family which I internalized and made it my own. Everything had to be perfect, otherwise I would call myself stupid or things like that.

  • Rose says:

    I think I’m in the wrong place , this looks more like it’s about pros and cons of millennials and debt repayment. Really that’s your regret, money. Bye bye.

  • Deirdre says:

    Being a person with a depressive disorder that frequently presents with negative self-talk and self-criticism, I am happy to hear that self-compassion is something that can be cultivated.

  • Alexis says:

    I committed a mistake. I didn’t make use of my right as a buyer (in this case as a person that payed for a tattoo). The things is that, when the time came, the tattoo artist hadn’t done what I wanted. The tattoo wasn’t what I asked, but I didn’t complain. I let him do then because I was afraid he gets angry if I complain. I’ve lived a lot of thing regarding my tattoos’ story, but treating me this way may change everything.

  • D says:

    Feeling guilty I’m not a good parent but acknowledge I’m a single parent doing the best I can and realising others are going through this too

  • Paul says:

    Yes, frequently

  • Donna says:

    Until I heard Christopher Germmer speak in Toronto at the university of Toronto I was always hard on myself. My mother died when I was two days old and I was left in the hospital for the first three months of my life. I didn’t arrive in the arms of my main caregiver until I was about six months old. I was hard on myself and always blamed myself for everything. When my husband passed away in a car accident when I was 42. I blamed myself for his accident although I was not in the car. I carried that blame for many years until the patterns of negative self judgement drove me into a horrific depression. It was mindful self compassion that opened the doors of deeper healing for me. I am forget great fuel for my mindfulness practice and my self compassion practice 🙏🏼

  • Valorie Hallinan says:

    Disappointed, I thought we’d have a meditation or something like that.

  • Colleen says:

    My healing journey through abandonment and rejection as a child which this trauma was carried into my 40 year relationship with my husband. Learning to heal and love myself and not rely on anyone to fullfill these needs i thought i had. At this time of covid 19. I stepped away from my relationship for a while to alliw each of us the opportunity to look inward and heal ourselves. Surrendering and listeningto the love i have for myself and recognizing the emotional abuse in my relationship was a huge step. Through self compassion and this time all alone i am caring for me like i have always cared fir my 4 children into adulthood. The healer is within. Stepping away from toxicity has being a huge step into compassion for self.

  • Margaret says:

    Yes when judging a friend then discovering 50 years later that I was incorrect in some of my judgments

  • teresa says:

    The timing of this is perfect for me. I am struggling with a lack of self compassion and the awareness of this is also causing suffering. I suffer twice. Just writing this makes me feel bad about myself. I have lived compassion and taught my children to be compassionate almost at the expense of self compassion. I couldn’t face me. I have self esteem blocks and a deep sense of unworthiness, that which is at the root and very basis of my self image. I know where this comes from: as a child I did not bond with my mother and was not given love, connection, support, guidance, encouragement or validation. I was judged and criticized. This is old news. Feeling compassion toward myself is my big work.

  • Mackenzie says:

    As far back as I can remember, I have been a very judgemental person when it comes to myself. I have always had doubts about my choices, feelings of not being good enough in some way, or that I didn’t try hard enough. Having less self-doubt and more self-compassion would’ve helped me out of many deep, dark holes throughout life since my childhood. I am just now beginning to understand and realize what it’s like to have self-compassion and I love learning more and growing as i do.

  • Sonia Straley says:

    Often. As a professional Ian my own worst critic of myself as a teacher. I am so busy looking for ways to improve that I fail to recognize all the things I already do well.

  • Robin says:

    I have been very harsh or judgmental with myself when I feel that I should be more advanced in my career and more financially stable. I have transitioned my career a few times and I am currently facilitating a Pedaling for Parkinson’s program at the local YMCA as I finish my M.S. in Exercise Science and Health Promotion. As part of the program, I am working on my health and wellness coach certification with WellCoaches. I was introduced to Kristin Neff’s 3 components of self-compassion in one of my courses, and have been trying to apply mindfulness, common humanity, and kindness when I struggle or am overly self-critical. I am a strong supporter of positive mantras/affirmations/quotes and have posted several on my refrigerator to read each day and on my wellness blog to share with others. I also truly believe “exercise is medicine.” Exercise, and simply moving my body has been a beneficial way for me to be kinder and happier with myself. Spinning (indoor cycling) and running are ways I can be mindful and enter my state of Flow.

  • Soph says:

    I have fear of revealing myself to be lacking that is deeply connected to shame. It feels like terror when I get close to the edge of my safety zone

  • Mojo says:

    Finally had a chance to listen to this, thank you. I can get harsh and judgmental with myself when I’m doing ok or even well while others are suffering . There’s guilt rather than gratitude. Also when I make decisions toward growth and it causes challenges, I judge myself as being greedy. Self compassion would help me feel more grateful and release myself from toxic emotions.

  • Ligia says:

    I recently fell in debt with the bank, and the bank interest in my country seens to be the highest on Earth, and that debt is growing so high… I felt shame and felt incompetent and a total failure. If this had hapened to a friend, I would surely have good and supporting words for them. I believe that a more compassionate atitude towards myself could bring more joy to my own life and thus more joy to people around me. Perhaps I could even get some help solving this matter.

  • Rachel says:

    I have been very angry at myself because I keep getting triggered in one of my graduate classes, and it has been challenging to be present and bring myself back to the present moment. Growing up in a violent household, I think my strategy was to always punish myself before anyone else had the chance to punish me. Because if I was already feeling bad, maybe I wouldn’t get punished more. I know that I need to get better at recognizing my feelings and finding some kindness… because I am so mean to me.

  • Eunice says:

    Yes, many times.
    I know now that Self love forgiveness Acceptance is compassionate. Greater healing and health.

  • G Malone says:

    I work in healthcare, managing a team of clinicians. In the midst of COVID where many healthcare workers cannot do their best work, I feel my own sense of failure not being able to empower them more. Meeting this with self compassion has been crucial to my own continued functioning and keeping an open heart that is available to my team.

  • Dawn says:

    I am the most self critical person I am aware of. It has gotten really bad after some traumatic events in recent years… It’s like I’m a child again inside my head. I’m looking forward to finding ways to stop the automatic responses.

  • Annie says:

    I never fully New what compassion meant. I was the oldest of five kids.

  • Jenny says:

    Self-compassion and self-pity is very mixed up in my mind. In my family we were never allowed to feel sorry for ourselves. Someone always had it worse off and they deserved compassion but we didn’t. I am practicing. When I am really suffering it is the hardest because that is when judgement comes in and makes it even worse.

  • Solange says:

    I practice. Anew sport and my teacher tell me all the time I need to be more kind with my mistakes
    I’m sure he’s right
    And I see I do the same in my own life
    I appreciate really much this video
    Thanks

  • Emily says:

    I’m quite hard on myself regarding time management and I fall into this cycle of judgment, self-flagellation and anxiety. I took a moment to stop, acknowledge what I was feeling, tell myself it’s not that bad and then talked myself through why I procrastinate and what I want to change.

  • Jen says:

    Self compassion hasn’t been my default setting. When I am having a hard time I have a tendency to reject myself and feel ‘less than’ especially with relationships, work, things that add up to my ideas of being a successful human being’. Developing self compassion would help me accept and connect with myself when I’m struggling. It will help me to see I’m having a difficult but normal experience and I can treat myself with kindness to be more compassionate and accepting with self and others.

  • Claudette says:

    Yes today, instead of just noticing the feeling of sadness and struggle, I begin to tell myself I have to be grateful and learn some better way (quickly,) I now smile, to cope better and stay in a more positive place. This self lecture did not really help but only added more criticism to my struggling self.! Being more thoughtful of my feelings (and kind) would certainly feel more supportive and helpful! Thanks for the reminder! Namaste

  • Jo says:

    Loved that. When do I receive the other 2 videos? Many thanks

  • Carolina says:

    Having inner conversation with myself

  • Nicole says:

    I have spent my life running to different parts Of the world Volunteering for months at a time, not stopping and caring about me. Realizing that I was running away from me. Until I got seriously ill and was unable to continue. Now I am in isolation due to illness and forced to try and love myself. A very difficult thing to so

  • Maria says:

    Always lived with a harsh inner critic – taking a more self compassionate stance could help me gain pride of my many accomplishments – and hopefully find peace in feeling I am enough.

  • Jose Roberto Sanches Martins says:

    Excelente!

  • Vanessa says:

    Out with the old learnt default mechanisms of judgement and in with the opening of heart in self compassion

  • Laura says:

    I have been harsh and judgemental with myself for my whole life. At a young age I learned to internalize the critical voices of my family and have replayed it well into adulthood.

  • Kim says:

    After continual criticism from parents as a child. I default to lots of self criticism naturally in any times of stress.

  • Miriam Lúcar says:

    Totally, what is common to me is being harsh to me, wich I can see is not helpful and causes me a great deal of emotional pain. I think adopting a compassionate view will help me to live fealure and mistakws, or things I cant control in a more Healthy way

  • Lisa Frankelboerner says:

    Yes. I have seen a training years ago by her and felt so moved and inspired. I could use some help with how to allow self compassion not j oh to my self but more so compassion towards people who have hurt me

  • Violette says:

    👍🏾

  • Anduin says:

    I don’t have this harsh ‘voice’ in my head. I can feel disappointed or unforgiving of myself but the voice isn’t there. So I don’t realise it’s happening and then just gradually I get to a point where I can’t float anymore.
    I don’t really understand how to ‘replace’ that lack of harsh voice.
    Next video perhaps.

  • Kaitlin says:

    I frequently struggle with negative thoughts about myself that cause me anxiety. I think self compassionate can help me talk to myself I’m a more healthy way and feel less anxious.

  • Kaitlin says:

    I struggle with being hyper critical of myself which can cause me stress. I think self compassionate can help me be nicer to myself and less stressed

  • Kris says:

    I would love myself which would result in my ability to better love others.

  • Theresa Unruh says:

    Be able to break free from old thoughts that limit my growth

  • Anne Costello says:

    I would be less harsh on myself and be more aware of the need to self care.

  • Denise says:

    I’d never treat anyone else the way some thoughts fly through my mind unchallenged. Ive cultivated The ability to catch these thoughts and correct them with kinder, more patient & accepting words. It makes a difference. That’s why we turn to friends. They are nice to us. Let’s start with kindness toward ourselves. Thank you.

  • Sr. Kay Kay says:

    I tried to learn to play the organ in the usual way, by reading the notes. I struggled for years, trying and telling myself I was a terrible organist because note reading was so hard for me. Then I became visually impaired and had difficulty even seeing the notes. I became adept at improvising organ solos. I still struggle to accept that I am not a terrible organist because of this.

  • Christine Lowe says:

    I always take responsibility for what ever goes wrong.

  • Rita says:

    I’ve been realizing recently that I’ve spent much of my life speaking negativity about myself that I’m not enough and don’t measure up. I am seeing how it is okay to not be perfect. It’s okay not to have it all together. I’ve seen this mainly through my job and interaction with other people who spoke negatively of me. Although my intentions were nowhere close to their perception, I’ve had to consider how I’ve come across to them. In this it felt like something was wrong with me and that I wasn’t awful person. I was accused of making a person feel degraded when I know in my heart that was in my intention because all growing up that’s all I ever felt and didn’t want that to ever be all someone else around me felt. What made it worse was 6 months before I felt stabbed in the back by a coworker who I had given much to. I felt betrayed and also that there must be something wrong with me because of how I came across to them. So they’re being a second person with concerns made me feel inadequate and that’s something was messed up with me. I’m learning to speak positively of myself and that is okay to feel.

  • Lynn says:

    I stay in the old rut of “you can’t do that”. Being compassionate takes mindfulness and presence, then I can take myself seriously.

  • Rose says:

    I do the best I can as does everyone. I accept myself and others. I’m grateful for all I have in the moment. I pray, meditate daily, for me and for everyone.

  • Alex says:

    It builds you up and it helps us to build the wiring of our brain with positivity!

  • Julie says:

    Ummmmm-that statement (above) rings true daily despite my understanding that if I don’t have it I cannot give it to my child.

  • Ann says:

    Too harsh now. Find forgiving myself very hard

  • Blanca says:

    I really enjoyed this video, and I am really planning in practicing self-compassion.
    I am going to retire in a couple of months, and as I’ve been staying in home, like a lot of people now due to covid-19, I have not taken all the steps I need to retire. I’ve been very harsh to my self because of this, and instead I have been focused in doing daily things at home, in order not to get sick and all that, but I am going to apply this video to help me cope, and do what I have to do. Thank you so much for this video.

  • Heather says:

    I have been looking at how my social anxiety involves a lot of self criticism. Self compassion helps me to know I don’t need to be perfect in my interactions. There is more creativity and joy in being with others as a result.

  • Anahi says:

    I felt more positive towards life.

  • Satti says:

    I used to be critical of myself and judged myself all the the time, reading the secret and thorough self development I am learning to be kind to myself, mindfulness really helps.

  • N says:

    I guess the culture of being self critical often got the better of an attention amongst friends and families so it became like an expected way of behaving so the example is may be, I have a fat arse …it became a way of allowing a self to become more comfortable about ones weak point rather than, say, oh I wish I was slimmer .. I think self denigrating became a culture when we found hard to live with something.

  • Nat says:

    I used to be judgemental with myself specially when I’ve made any mistake. I guess I was always trying to be perfeccionist to impress the others. Today, I have found that being truly myself is the best thing in the world. So, accepting my fails by practicing self-compassion was the best thing that I could ever do to improve my relationship with myself. Im happpier right now that I discovered it..

  • Lynne says:

    I’ve always been harder on self , I’ve taken the stance to hurt self rather than others

  • Maria Helena Davi Candela says:

    Really I don’t know.

  • Allison says:

    I feel that I fail with relationships and life. Self compassion could perhaps help me to help myself.

  • Pat Crawford says:

    Thank you.

  • Suzanne Hamaker says:

    My self judgment of not being able to extra weight off and not being there for myself in following through with my commitment To myself

  • Gabbb::)) says:

    Well to me this quarantine it’s like a new world , more than u can see , and to heal each person like who you love and why not to support each other and be kind with yourself too and I can’t wait to learn more and more , meditation to me it was the key to my soul and my heart so deeply 🙂 I’m from Chile

    Bless 🙂
    Gabb

  • Zubia says:

    When I have negative thoughts or declare myself, I use to beat myself up for this. I still do, however, applying self compassion to self negative talk really changes your life. Learning and teaching therapy/counselling, I use this for myself and educate my clients about it as well. It shifts your thinking to a more open, gentle, validating point of view. Which fosters confidence, new creativity and healing.🥰

  • Meressa says:

    Almost all the time.

  • Ria says:

    It would help me to cope my learnings in life without getting harsh to myself and my beloved ones. No longer making myself feel small and insufficiënt.

  • Pauline says:

    Just what I needed right now

  • Kate says:

    Over eating f

  • JK says:

    Always keep my priorities straight

  • Millie says:

    Cleaning my mind and put down all the recurrent sad thoughts

  • Silvia Rivellini says:

    Hola
    No se vivir por y para mi
    Siempre vivi para mis hijos mi marido etc
    No se como ponerme en primer lugar
    Mis hijos ya crecieron
    Mi marido encontro otra vida
    Y yo sigo buscando que me haria feliz

    No se vivir conmigo apesar de mis hobbies por la pintura no encuentro satisfaccion y alegria de vivir

    Gracias

  • Bridgett says:

    It would help me be more compassionate and kind to others.

  • Eleanor says:

    I am constantly blaming myself for everything…,

  • Sonia says:

    I would feel better about my life, , get over anxiety and depression.

  • Nicola says:

    I would be healthier

  • Louise says:

    I No if I was more compassionate to myself,I wouldn’t suffer so much with negative thoughts and anxiety

  • Jane-Marie says:

    Hi
    Ive been awfully cruel to myself
    PTSD and rape
    I’m hoping that will ease soon ❤️

  • Katrina says:

    My Weight. I have been not to kind to myself when I have put on weight and even when I was skinny and still was critical of my body. When I have been compassionate it even changes what I see in the mirror even if I have a wee bit more weight on.

    • Judith says:

      I call this a mostley a women’s disease I believe that if u try to eat right and some exercise you won’t be that hard on yourself

  • Heather says:

    Yes, treat myself like I would treat a good friend.

  • Bonnie says:

    I continually judge myself. Even my friends, upon hearing something I’ve said will say ” Ouch! Dont say that about my friend!”
    If I could be be more Self Compassionate, I think my self esteem would jump for joy. I also think I would have a release of guilt that I carry from my feelings of never being good enough…

  • Lee says:

    I made myself unhappy

  • Kate says:

    I am aware that I judge myself and others by different yard sticks. I’d like to extend my compassion and kindness to myself more.

  • Koe says:

    Just now I ate some corn chips and beat myself up because I know they’re not healthy. A self-compassionate stance could motivate me to engage in healthier behaviours.

  • Jill says:

    Always hard on my6

  • Carla says:

    We always try to fit in a society where everybody is supposed to be perfect…

  • Andre says:

    You have come in such a good moment for me. I’m just beginning my work as therapist and naturally want to offer all my best to the ones who seek my help. I also want to put everything I’ve been learning into practice in my own life so that I can actually “live what I say”. Well, this where it gets to me… Everything I learned really is profound, has so much value and resonates very deeply within myself. However, the “side effect” is that I ended setup too high standards for myself, and often get myself so very frustrated everytime I fail in practice what I intended to do. Add this to the fact that I still don’t have any clients and am facing financial struggles, and the final result is the worst feeling possible. I currently reached the point of wondering if “all this kind of work is really meant for me”. I tried to be self-compassionate some times before, embracing myself completely, but because there has been “too much weight” for me to bear I usually end up suspending this practice after a while. Now I feel refreshed to go on with it. Thank You.

  • Jackie says:

    I’m a nurse, working through COVID at the moment. I live by myself & my partner lives separately with his kids. Last week, his mother died. He’s retreated into himself & I’ve been feeling very selfish for wanting him to be more present with me, as I’m struggling too. I now realise that he’s not the only one grieving. He’s not the only going through stress & multiple losses as the moment & that these are valid feelings for me to be having. I need to look after myself, the same way that I’m trying to look after everyone else, or I’m going to crumble very very quickly.

  • Tambrey Meisel says:

    As a result of anesthesia I developed a TBI two years ago it has been very hard and I have shamed by self a lot for having a brain injury. What you said makes sense and I sure hope that I am able to do it

  • Jill says:

    I’ve been “in recovery” of bulimia. I haven’t many episodes in the last year,, but when I do I feel ashamed and sad and probably several other emotions. After my last episode, I took a moment to practice these 3 steps. I Have often practiced the first two but not the third and probably most important step. This time i did and it felt better. I felt lighter and warmer after and I think likely took me out of a loop of negative self talk that probably would have persisted For hours after. I think it also helped to acknowledge how far I’ve come and instead of pushing the latest episode out of consciousness my self talk instead helped to constructively rather than destructively encourage and Renew my Resolve to continue to heal. Thankyou 🙂

  • Lorena says:

    MOTHERHOOD, its certainly where I judge myself really hart. I think i should give myself more credit and be more patient with myself and others would be a big step forward for me and my family. Practising gratitude

  • Hannah says:

    My self judgement is like a black cloud over much of my time- mainly focused towards the way I look and things I feel like I am failing at

  • Amy Moss says:

    I’m a front line nurse. I have battled anxiety all my life. I’m also a solo parent of two teens. Life has been a huge struggle both at home and at work. I know I am hardest on myself. I try to be perfect at everything and I know now that that isn’t realistic. I have started talking to my inner self now as a friend giving myself the love and compassion I should have all these years. Thank you for helping me see how I can connect with myself on an even deeper level and that I don’t have to always put myself last.

  • Maryann says:

    Very helpful. I can go down the rabbit hole of isolation when I get debilitating arthritic pain exacerbated by my husband not showing me compassion. Clearly if it’s not available elsewhere it’s crucial to give it to myself. Thank you

  • Charlotte says:

    Ahhh self compassion and mindfulness, naming and knowing others have same experiences. The wisdom and connections I need and feel are true. Thankyou!!!!

  • Dayle says:

    Not taking part in exercise comparing myself to others feeling horrible and negative. Recognising it’s been difficult be kind to myself encourage myself to do it easing my way into it ..I can do this.

  • Diane says:

    Thank you, this is answering alot about moments in my life.
    Iam harsh on myself everyday, and I always wondered why I lost my ambitions, well I know now.
    I will right now start.
    Cant wait for next video.

  • Kris says:

    Am feeling self criticism for my husband leaving me. Cognitively, I know he is the problem (personality disorder), but self talk haunts me

  • Missy says:

    I was in an abusive relationship for 26 years. I’ve been very judgmental of myself for staying so long. My self talk was very brutal. Meditation learning self compassion has helped me substantially.

    • Tamara says:

      Missy it is sad to hear that so much of your time was wasted by a horrible person but great that you got out – some people never do. Pat yourself on the back for being a survivor and go get your dreams!

  • Janet says:

    Honor life! Interconnected, interdependent and loving together.

  • Emily says:

    Putting myself in unhealthy relationships because it’s better than being alone when I was better off financially alone. Feeling trapped because I am financially worse and self doubt I will be able to get out this time. I have downloaded an app that saves a little bit at a time and going back to doing Dave Ramsey mentality to pay down my debt again like I’d done before.

  • Aspasia says:

    I am judgemental to myself all the time. I try to do everything in a perfectionist way and if it doesnt work in the way I want it I feel useless, i panic and then i leave it crying and blaming myself.

  • Susan says:

    I was basically raised that I was not important and had to earn the ability to be accepted. Eventually I felt like the person who was asked why they repeatedly kept banging their head on the door. Because it felt so good when I stopped. Unfortunately I didn’t realize this until much later in life and was taken advantage of by many people.

  • AC says:

    This was okay, but your initial explanation that you see yourself as the person who defined self compassion for humanity kind of puts up a red flag. It is like claiming love or understanding or any other part of this human experience and saying you invented it. I wish you well and I am sure there will be people who learn from you.

  • Jennifer says:

    I tend to be really rude to myself when I spend a day relaxing, and end up with anxiety because I’m not being productive

  • Julie link says:

    Unrealistic expectations results in feelings of self disappointment hence the need for increased self compasssiom

  • Ana says:

    I hated myself for all my life, i was disconnected, isolated from people, it was really hard. My psychotherapist introduced me to self compassion and gradually i started to feel warm feelings towards myself , could connect to myself a bit more. It is still very hard But i am trying 🙂

  • Cindy says:

    Sometimes I feel that i am not smart enough. I did not attend a prestigious college like my kids and husband and this basic fact makes me feel insecure about my intellect. Despite my strong academic credentials and successful small business, I can’t get past this insecurity.

  • Erin says:

    I feel I’m almost always too harsh or judgemental with myself and this leads me to being too harsh and judgemental with others as I try to control my environment and everyone in it. I’m too worried about what everyone else thinks of me – because if it is what I think of my self then it’s pretty terrible. Being caught in this cycle I’ve stifled my own self and creativity

  • MICHELLE says:

    I could not have planned for a Pandemic. I could not have foreseen needing to use my five daughters college fund for groceries and to eventually pay our mortgage. I could not have planned the discussion of explaining to them their Dad and I don’t have anything to help them right now. RecognIzing “this sucks and it’s uncertain”, WHILE knowing our family is tied to the humanity of others walking through the same exact thing, makes me feel less alone. This acceptance and HUMOR. Must come up for air from the innate soul weeping, to laugh.

  • Nora says:

    Less anxious. Less depressed. Less triggered by other’s lack of compassion – no validation

  • Rochelle says:

    Back myself xoxo

  • Ali says:

    Me failing my son by. Not pushing the world to help him heal from autism.

  • Rosemary says:

    I think I was a little too harsh with myself just today! I regret often, and that keeps me focused backwards in time on things I can’t do anything about.

  • Kathy says:

    All of my life I have been too judgemental of myself. I was a firstborn daughter of a very critical father, verbally but not physically abusive. In order to gain his love I felt that I had to be perfect, and anytime I was not, I “beat myself up” excessively over the ‘failure.’ Even though I have had years of therapy and recovery, the residuals of perfectionism and over judging still remain with me. Adopting a more self compassionate stance would make my life much more enjoyable and less stressful. I could become my real self, give of myself, and love people more freely.

  • Sasi says:

    Yes. I used to be over critical of myself and that affected me a lot

  • Mirian Janeth Jaramillo says:

    Hi there,

    Thank you for the insightful words. A few months ago I started to have strong pain in my knees, after going to the doctor I found out I have severe osteoarthritis in both knees, I am only 39 y.o and I have the knees of a 70 y.o grandma! I went into surgery two months ago and I am recovering now. I used to be very critical of my body, always wanted to be very slim, I was very judgemental and hateful towards my body, but since the surgery, I had become so much caring and compassionate with myself. I know that healing will happen if I treat my body with love, patience, and kindness. Being kind to myself during this difficult time has been a gift!

  • Rebecca says:

    I judge myself a lot when I feel like I eat too big of a meal and when I eat junk food. I tend to eat really healthy so it doesn’t make me feel healthy when I cheat on my normal daily food intake. If I could adopt a more accepting and compassionate stance, I’d be able to be there more presently with those that I consume the meals with and enjoy them as a treat.

  • Simone says:

    I think my reflex is still to be too harsh with myself, but as soon as I notice what I’m doing, I try to turn it around. My new job started a few weeks ago and I frequently have moments in my free time where I think back to moments at work and cringe about the way I said something or expressed myself. It’s hard not to think of myself as ‘inexperienced’ or ‘young’, even though I am neither at this point in life. I’d like to take my experience in life and stand by myself as a smart and capable woman.

  • Diane says:

    When my boyfriend passed away a little over a year ago. I kept feeling guilty and blaming myself for things that were out of my control surrounding his death.

  • Luiza says:

    I will be able to be more patient with myself

  • Kátia says:

    I always blame myself a lot for my mistakes and sometimes it lasts for months on s same situation. I have no self compassion:(
    It doesn’t help, it makes me feel really terrible.

  • Robrette McRae says:

    Yes

  • Mayra says:

    I felt identified when you were talking about the fear of fail. My mom has always been so self demanding and hard to herself that it’s difficult for me to get rid of that. Of the need of being productive, learning all the time and I feel that I’m afraid to persue or even give myself the time to identify my dreams because I always have to move forward but now I’m noticing that I’m not longer sure what forward is 🤪

  • Rita Castro says:

    Thank you so much for your teachings Kristin ! It has been transforming my life !!!
    I’d like to take the course in person, to further my self compassion and love . .

  • Joe says:

    Self compassion might help my self belief

  • Jennifer says:

    I had an abusive childhood and always blamed myself this carried on into my adult life and people took advantage of my vulnerability, I also blamed myself for this. Once I had a child I was motivated to put the past behind me, that however was short lived as it turned out he was severely autistic, non verbal and developmentally delayed, this too I blamed myself for. Recently I had enough of beating myself up for everything bad that’s happened to me and that really has started with self compassion, it’s really difficult for me, like learning to walk but I’m going to do it anyway!

  • Chris says:

    I do it all the time! I’ve been working a lot lately with my therapist on self compassion, and being compassionte the different ‘parts’ of me aposed to judging myself.

  • Susan says:

    I could stop suffering if I gave myself self compassion.

  • Cathy says:

    I have regrets for the way I have acted when I am frustrated, angry or upset. I hurt my grown kids when they were young and my husband with screaming and yelling and raging threatening to leave etc. This doesnt happen very much in the present, but I have been horrible and am still capable of doing it today.

    Self Compassion has helped tremendously, Self Compassion has gentled the blow of regrets self hatred and helped me to connect to the places inside me that hurt.

  • Abby says:

    I am harsh on myself all the time yet ironically I tell others to be kind. It’s almost like a protection for me.

  • Connie Call says:

    Modeling the words and attitude of self compassion reveals the difference between kindness directed to the self highlighting the ingrained messages absorbed in early life.. Painfully revealing and very helpful.

  • Melanie says:

    I’ve gained all the weight back I had lost in 2011/2012 in the last two years and I judge myself every time I eat something. I know I need basic nourishment but I can’t stop the judgmental thoughts of every piece of food is linked to weight gain. I wish I had more self-compassion for what I have been through in the last two years and find release from it so I can stop with emotional eating.

  • Ana says:

    The fact I’m finding it very hard to stay in contact with my Ex, who has no one and is alone in Italy. I have to realise that when my cup is empty there is not a possibility to give more than I am. I need to practise self-compassion and speak my truth.

  • Deb says:

    I lost my husband Dec 9, 2018, I had to put down my dog in Feb whom I raised as a puppy, then last week I lost the job I’ve had for the past 23 years. I can be as compassionate as ever toward others but have never been able to extend that kindness to myself. I ould definitely use some guidance.

  • Marci says:

    Stop negative thoughts

  • Brenda says:

    I had a difficult time making friends in grad school and externally I blocked people out but internally I was really angry and ashamed with myself for not being able to connect with people who I wanted to get to know (and for them to get to know me).

  • Anne says:

    I could see mistakes as a chance and enjoy my performance.

  • Charlie says:

    I am a retired health are worker (after 44 years in the field) currently looking from the outside-in at the corona virus crisis from the comfort and safety of my lovely home. I have been self-judging that I SHOULD be out there shoulder-to-shoulder with my former professional peers. I strongly identify with them and have always relished being part of the team when addressing patient-care crises of one kind or another. I feel guilty at having “abandoned” them and angry at the powers that be who have left them hanging out to dry without adequate PPE or a plan to address the crisis. I appreciate the reminder to acknowledge how hard this is being for ME. I can see that it will help shape a more kind and compassionate response toward myself and a heart-felt solidarity with my professional peers on the front lines rather than feed my anger at those who are leading from the rear. Thank you.

  • Allie says:

    I struggle daily with working full time, not sleeping and challenging children. My oldest is failing school, my 6 year old, I don’t even recognize him. He’s been getting so anger over minor situations with throwing stuff, punching, kicking and yesterday he broke his lamp. I understand there worlds are turned upside down because of the current situation. My 3 year old I can handle right now but I’m struggling with everything I mentioned above. Life is hard.

  • Bonnie says:

    Yes, there is a time I was harsh with myself. Still am. I have accepted Jesus as my Saviour. And recently I took a long hard look at myself. I’m 61 and feel I have nothing to show for the life I have lived. I feel I have disappointed God and those around me. I find forgiving myself for mistakes I’ve made very difficult and cant seem to move past it.

  • Roxanne says:

    It would be so unlikely to be judging myself when coming from a compassionate and loving self, much as I readily do with others. I clearly have the heart to be compassionate… now I just need to turn inward to my wounded parts and soothe them with that same gentle, loving spirit. I imagine the result would be an increase in healing woundedness, increase in self esteem, and a sense of peace and joy to live out the remainder of my life.

  • Michele says:

    thank you this wonderful opportunity to learn more.

  • David Carlson says:

    I find yoke book most powerful- as if she is talking directly just to me. Very Direct and personal!

  • David says:

    I am a “recovering perfectionist- a life-long challenge- it’s a daily practice

  • Renee says:

    I can join with Deanne and Beth in the struggle around money. I, too, have lived paycheck to paycheck and scolded myself for it. I’m nearing retirement age and my lament is that I should have planned better. Well, I have accepted that I am where I am and the world is not going to end and ultimately, I will be ok as I have seen evidence of a shift in the past year. I have done a lot of work on accepting myself and learning to practice compassion for myself is another step along my path.

  • Dina says:

    I know for myself, I still judge my decisions with trying to figure out my path to higher education while also balancing out work life. I finally got accepted to a good Master’s program, but I’m not feeling proud in possibly going to struggle financially and possibly have to live at home versus living in a space where I can call my own (away from family). So I’m still learning to give myself self-compassion in my achievements and believing that I’m doing the rights things for my future.

  • Sa’ra says:

    Yes, sadly countless times..

    Coming from the place of self love & compassion makes all of the difference how I feel and respond to others.

  • Sharon says:

    I’ve spent over 50 years beating myself up for not reaching the high standards I set for myself. Where this has come from I don’t know. But I am now learning to cut myself some slack. Still struggling with anger issues, and it is when I have a blow out that I still struggle with self-compassion – failed to short circuit it again. Kristin’s words make me realise that continually beating myself up for this “failure” is not helpful. It will take time to learn to short circuit brain snaps, and I have t encourage myself that it is possible.

  • Sa’ra says:

    Yes, countless times.. Sadly.
    Coming home to my Compassionate Self is my long~ life dream. For my self, for our best world .

  • Michelle says:

    Thanks

  • angela ferren says:

    it would help me feel better about my life&whats goin on in my life right now

  • Marcela says:

    I have been this way for most of my life. If I could adopt a more self-compassionate stance I think I would feel much better about myself, which would improve my mental health. This would consequently enable me to help others without compromising my own health.

  • Erin says:

    I am SOOOOOO harsh and judgmental with myself about my weight. I am in a horrible cycle of binge eating disorder.

  • AG says:

    Yes, there had been times where I am too hard on my self. Regrets from bad decisions, that cause shame and guilt I have had to work through. There is healing, and we all need constant healing. Struggles of life are not always in the past. With wisdom how to have compassion and forgive ourselves is a good step in the direction of over all wellness.

  • Allison says:

    I can eat healthy food and go to bed at 10pm everyday

  • Karen says:

    Where was I amiss. I related on both a professional and personal level. I’m secure in my knowledge and understanding of trauma, am I explaining it clearly enough?

    Those are words in my head as I questioned myself and internalised what was happening around me. At the same time being mindful and taking a stance of an observant self.

  • Katia says:

    I’m rather new to self-compassion and am seeking to learn all I can and practice ways of taking care of myself. I never felt I deserved and now I know I do and desire to continue down that path. Thank You!

  • Guest says:

    With how I parent. Taking time for myself and coming back refreshed and mindful.

  • CONTINUE YOUR JOURNEY

    with Dr. Kristin Neff and Dr. Chris Germer in The Power of Self-Compassion: A Step-by-Step Training to Bring Kindness and Inner Strength to Any Moment of Your Life

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    We begin May 4, 2020.
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