Why Self-Compassion Is Important

Was there a time when you were too harsh or judgmental with yourself? How could adopting a more self-compassionate stance change things for you, for the better?

Share your reflections below!

  • Sharon says:

    Not sure, but I am very judgmental of myself these days and not sure when it first started. Probably at school as I was part of the times when teachers used corporal punishment and were very critical of pupils. I work in a school now and thank God, things have changed for the better

  • Kevin says:

    Be proactive and less doubtful of living life and finding purpose

  • Jessica says:

    Being harsh in myself for everything from parenting as a single mom to not “having enough” money in life for my daughter and I to live abundantly.

  • Leanne says:

    I am trying to convince leadership on the need to act on an issue and sometimes I feel as if my emotions get in the way and I don’t come across in my communication as well as I think I should have.

  • Shelagh says:

    Thank you Kristin for your simple explanation of what happens when we don’t have self-compassion, and the simple steps that can bring us back to it. Simply recognising what I am feeling in the moment, being present to it, knowing that this is what makes me human, and holding myself with love and kindness. One wouldn’t think this could be so hard, but the simplest things sometimes are, when our complex mind wants to get busy with analysis, comparisons, old familiar regrets and guilt, shame, or unworthiness. Thank you for keeping it so simple! Something for me to practice. 🙂

  • Nancy Graham-Cork says:

    Thank you for your self compassion, and kindness.
    I have been doing mindful self compassion for a year now.
    It has helped me immensely.
    The idea of being kind to myself has been enlightening.

  • Corbitt Sharon says:

    Not necessary. Those closest to me already know all about this session.

  • Corbitt Sharon says:

    Yes. When my daughter had a session with our relationship skills group where she attempted to get all of her anxieties regarding her childhood out in the open so I knew exactly how she felt.

  • Mary says:

    Failing to do many technical things in this modern age is driving me. Crazy’, I am trying to carry on but there is some struggling going on ! Most of this started when my computer was hacked! I will work on forgetting about that and just work harder at getting my tech desires improved! thanks so much!

  • Kristen says:

    Now. I am being too hard on myself now. I want what I see my friend Elizabeth has in her belief in Jesus Christ and God, and I love what I see and hear the number of times I have gone to her church, yet I beat myself up that I am not a “believer” not ready today if ever will be, to be baptized, and I want to learn everything right now so I know WHAT to believe in.
    Things would be better if I could be softer as I would let more in and have more of a chance to reflect.

  • Bina says:

    Even if I am wrong I should forgive my self by say I am only human

  • Carole says:

    Everyday
    ..self worth based on service to others

  • Cate says:

    All thru my 29 year marriage i was harsh on myself. I felt i wasn’t pretty enough, thin enough( so id vomit), nit smart enough, or interesting enough for my highly successful spouse. Yet i loved him? But put down myself when i was at home. Outside in my professional world i was lived and appreciated. I got cancer from these feeling of not loving myself. Had i been mire self compassionate, i think i would have actually received the love I wanted from him and also would have left this unhealthy situation sooner and found love in all the right places

  • Veronica Geretz says:

    As a yoga teacher in the Bay Area, I awoke a couple of hours earlier than normal this morning (March 23rd, 2020) feeling anxious and worried about the impacts of coronavirus. My mind went to self-criticism on top of the anxiousness, because “I am supposed to be someone holding space for others to stay calm.” After spending a solid hour looping, I remembered I could listen to mindfulness talks to bring myself out of the harmful self-talk and worried thinking. This video reminded me of exactly the tools I needed to accept my emotions of worry, to say to myself, “this IS really hard, and it is absolutely okay to be feeling everything that I am.” Woah, what a shift. Thank you deeply for your commitment to planting this seed of self-love and compassion. Deep bow.

  • Susan Roth Beerman, LCSW says:

    When my daughter, age 28, had a seizure, and we learned she has no warning signs when seizures are coming, I felt profoundly ineffective, and somehow a terrible failure. It has been a year since the last seizure (with one occurring only a few months before that one and the very first one occurring about seven years before)..
    Something positive just this week has allowed for a shift; there is a medical device, a watch I just sent to her which will alert us (me,/:grandma/brother) if she is having a seizure, and just knowing soon this watch will be wrapped around her wrist has been the greatest relief, and she will most likely find it today or tomorrow in her mailbox. It’s made by a company named empatica and included research at MIT and is connected to NYU Langone Epilepsy Center. My suffering is ongoing, yes, but far less than it was, say, the first few months. I do cry privately every day at some point when triggered, but the sharp pain is beginning to dull. I also, recently started having days with real laughter and less preoccupation with my worries about my daughter. Here are my next steps thanks to you.
    Step one : I’m accepting my suffering as of today,, not judging the suffering. Step 2: You are teaching me the suffering comes with being human and I’m
    not alone. And this very site will help me to feel less alone, as it did when you shared your story. about your son. Step three: I will offer myself self-compassion. Taking the time to join this workshop online is a self-compassionate step for me as I work full time as a psychotherapist both in an agency which practices recovery psychiatry and also work in my private practice. I did not know until this moment how in need I am of a focused process for healing and discovering and practicing self compassion in a committed and safe way. Thank you for this opportunity to give me permission to take on the compassionate care of myself so very needed at this time in my life,
    Susan

  • Sonia Quon says:

    I am struggling to forgive myself for smoking cigarettes . Each day I live with dread and fear that I have caused damage that will lead to illness and premature death. I am often angry at my self for smoking at all and not quitting sooner .

  • Iris says:

    Thank you so much!!! Excellent explanation and clear to understand.

  • Kevin says:

    Neglected and psychologically abused as a child, my go to place into adult life has been debilitating shame and self-loathing. Although I have some way to go to break the cycle, learning of self compassion has given me an important means to re-educate my damaged core beliefs – something that CBT or logic could never do.

  • Becki says:

    I beat myself up because I am not making art in my studio, even though I have a beautiful studio and many supplies. I was always told I could not and would never be successful as an artist by my parents, but they are dead. I think I sabotage myself to not even try, for fear of both success and failure.

    • Caro says:

      Lo siento! Idea, take it or leave it? Fingerpaint the images of the critics and of the parts of yourself struggling to challenge them. Emotional release not perfectionism. EFT a free simple low maintenance practice for grounding as strong emotions arise ?
      Best creative life possible to you<3

  • Rose says:

    Throughout life there has been non-stop ongoing self-criticism and being stuck in ‘survival and sanity’ mode due to neglect and abandonment in childhood.

    Then, working non-stop to get away from all that misery only to lose everything I had worked for in the great recession. Now, here we are again in the midst of a disaster working people did not create but for which we have zero support from our supposed government and dysfunctional society.

    In all of my exhaustive searches, I have not found any very useful tools except Ravi Singh and Ana Brett’s kundalini yoga DVDs and EFT tapping (thank you Brad Yates and You Tube!) to try to come to some sort of equilibrium when the darkness descends or when another round of rejection and abandonment occur. It’s not self compassion, which is out of my reach after so much negative neuroprogramming from life experiences, but it does create a space of detachment and grounding at times.

    • Karen says:

      Rose,
      I’m sorry it,s been so hard! Your yoga and tapping practices seem to me to be a good form of kindness and compassion to yourself so I hope you give yourself a pat on the back for that.
      I wish you much kindness today…

  • Cathy Tobin says:

    My anxiety caused me to be Debbie Downer about myself. My negative outlook was colouring all my thoughts and beliefs about my own self worth. I had to practice radical
    acceptance by being kind to myself and giving myself the compassion I needed to be able to move forward.

  • Charlene says:

    I am often too harsh and hard on myself. I have been told you are kind to everyone and not kind to yourself. I would like to be kinder towards myself. .

  • Techa says:

    I was too hard on myself after a conversation with my supervisor self compassion could help me be more forgiving of myself

  • Marion says:

    I also practice this and I know so many people who this would help. Thank you for this program.

  • Marilyn says:

    Yes, there was. I have faith & am looking forward to handling things in a more compassionate way. M

  • Barbara says:

    YES, i am often not kind with myself, often berating myself for not accomplishing more, or working hard enough, or just being stupid and scared a lot. I often feel like a bad person, because although I work, I am poor, and in American society that is the basis for being treated like garbage.

    • Brian says:

      Barbara, it breaks my heart to read your comments here. My best unsolicited advice would be to eliminate whatever people, places or situations are making you feel this way. Sometimes that includes the people we mistakenly believe are looking out for us including friends and family. I like to call it ‘addition by subtraction’. This change can come about gradually and doesn’t need to happen in a confrontational manner that could only lead to more negativity in your life. Trust me, I’ve had to do it and I came out on the other side better for it. Finally, since you’re here and receiving this information can I suggest that you explore whatever limiting beliefs you’re telling yourself? They are generally acquired very early on life and subconsciously become part of the fabric of who we become. I am sure that if you can stop beating yourself up and perpetuating a cycle of negativity you will be thanking yourself soon enough 🙂 Best of luck to you!

    • Caro says:

      The system is rigged! You may rise above it in attitude and in results but the system itself depends on millions of people living at basic survival levels so profits n stocks keep the wealthiiest insulated. This pandemic crisis challenges all, but disproportionately hits the lowest paid workers.

  • Ally says:

    Like everyone just now I am really struggling with all the uncertainty about everything. I have given in today and had a duvet day(or half of one) and I am consequently hating myself for my weakness. Listening to this video has allowed me to forgive myself a little bit and subsequently get up and get on with my day. Thank you.

  • Sher says:

    I have been extremely hard on myself. Looking at everyone else and thinking they are perfect has caused me to really harsh in my self-judgement. It has made me pull away from any responsibility that I might not do well in. It has taken my self-confidence away. There are people in my life who have not treated me in a kind way and I have taken that to heart. This video is giving me hope to be able to come through these situations and be self-compassionate! Thanks so much!

  • Peter says:

    for me, remembering that self-compassion is not an excuse for giving up, is so important. I was brought up in a very perfectionist environment, where one was supposed to be brilliant, and what’s more, this was to come to one with ease. When I discovered that many things require struggle, I would often give up, a problem I still suffer from.

  • Patti says:

    Allowing myself to not have to be perfect

  • Judy says:

    A number of years ago I made a resolution to “think well of myself”. As soon as I started applying it, I noticed all the times during the day when I did NOT think well of myself, or thought in non-compassionate ways. It was the beginning of a wonderful journey toward self-compassion that has changed how I feel about myself and has allowed me to become even more compassionate toward others as well.

  • Ari says:

    After I criticised my child, I was very upset as I realised that I was too harsh towards him. I kept on blaming myself for being a bad mom. Gradually, I learn to be kinder to myself, just telling myself that I have done my best at the moment, and I can learn to be a better mom other than criticising myself endlessly.

  • DeBora M. Ricks says:

    Yes, once upon a time I was critical, harsh and judgmental with myself. Then, a few years ago, I STOPPED. I stopped treating myself like I am the enemy of myself, and I started practicing self-compassion. And oh what a difference that made. I stumbled upon Dr. Kristin Neff’s work and it supported me on my path to being kinder and gentler to me. I’m excited about deepening my practice. This series couldn’t have come at a better time. Thank you Sounds True for your generosity.

  • MaryBeth says:

    My son is autistic as well. The stars were aligned in your situation Kristen. Perfect to have your career help your personal situation. I had zero awareness about this. The past 4 years I’ve practiced mindfulness meditation….now I can add this ! Slow slow healing process. Thank you for this work!!

  • Yvonne says:

    Currently judging myself and blaming myself for the loss of my partner who has gone on to find a new partner. Out of terror I pushed him away for years. One there is nothing that I can accomplish by blaming myself at this point. Changing my stance would allow me to move on and grow instead of looking back and regretting so so much.

    • Diana says:

      I so understand it , I am facing something similar ! But I think you should try lo learn from your mistakes and try to not only blame yourself because all of us are humans ! Everyone makes mistakes

      I am sending you love ❤️

  • Patti says:

    I beat myself up in a fairly regular basis. It’s been something I’ve worked on for a long time and I’m eager to try this approach…..

  • Linda says:

    I am brutal in judgement of myself as a mother who has failed her son who is struggling with drug addiction. It’s possible that maybe it would make a difference if I could be more self-compassionate, but it is a struggle because I can’t go back and change anything in the past so it just never goes away. Feeling compassion for myself seems wrong somehow, like I don’t deserve it.

    • Amy says:

      But you do deserve it.

    • Brian says:

      Linda, I’m reading the comments about this self compassion material and haven’t viewed it yet but felt compelled to offer you words of encouragement regarding your son. The first thought that occurred to me was to practice self compassion regardless of anything else that is happening in your life, including what your son is going through at this time. You are like so many other people who feel a need to place some type of blame on yourself for the actions of others, especially those we love and would lay down our lives for. I’m guessing his situation is maybe what brought you to this material? I think most of us here are at or near similar points in our lives where we strive to make sense of the people/places/situations we’ve allowed into our lives. We are all on our own separate, but many times similar, paths and when we reach certain plateaus we recognize the plight of others and extend a helping hand whether it be a hug, smile, kind words or gestures to let them know they are not alone. I will have a good thought for you and your son!

    • Barbara says:

      You’re right in that you can’t change the past. Forgive yourself and move on. You deserve and need self compassion. Dealing with an addicted child/spouse is one of the most difficult things to do ever! Learn from your mistakes and get help from a support group. Let go. I’m sending you hope, faith, prayers, and strength to be able to have peace. As bad as things may be now, things CAN change. YOU DESERVE SELF COMPASSION.

    • Laurie says:

      Hi Linda
      If you can’t , at this time, give compassion to yourself get some from others. It must be excruciatingly painful to watch your son in his very difficult situation. I would imagine you feel a sense of hopelessness and it sounds like guilt. It seems like you really could use some support and be listened to around your own pain. It must feel awefull to blame yourself for your son’s addiction. It seems like you are holding a great deal of pressure, sadness and a sense of responsibility for him. How hard that must be for you! It seems like such a very difficult thing to hold. I’m imagining it must be hard to feel alone in such pain and that you have a need for support.
      My wish for you is to find a support group, something like Alanon which was created for friends and family of addicts. That is one strategy of support. I just hope you seek support and get it. There are many other ways to find it.
      I’m imagining that sharing your story here was one way to attempt to get it. It’s a beautiful thing to seek support and share a painful reality. Thank you for having the courage to share. The need for support is a beautiful need and you are beautiful in having that need.

    • Laurie says:

      Linda, the were MANY more influences on your son than just yours. As painful as it is, you can’t have control of this situation. And as painful as it is, all you can do is continue to love yourself and him. Allow yourself to be with the pain until you can find your self- compassion.

    • Laurie says:

      Hi Linda
      I wrote a rather long reply to you about getting compassion from other but I’m not seeing it here.
      I hope you can see it.
      Blessings to you,
      Laurie

    • K says:

      If you have a local NAMI chapter I suggest going to meetings,or taking their Family to Family course. It will help you tremendously in realizing that you are not to blame for your son’s struggles with addiction, and allow you to be more supportive and loving as he struggles with recovery.

    • mary says:

      we all need some most of the time as this life is no picnic.

  • Carol says:

    Similar to others in this world, I have judged myself for not saving enough money to get through economic difficulties. I also have a lot of anxiety that can really interfere with being self compassionate. This talk was/is very helpful in reminding me to treat myself like I do others. Thank you 🙏

    • Marilyn says:

      I also have berated myself for not financially planning for my sixties and beyond. I live in HUD housing and scrape by., and now I can’t work at all due to a sore throat. I would like to live near my daughter and grandchildren, but can’t afford to. The Serenity Prayer helps a lot. I focus on what I can do something about now, and the good things to be grateful for. This course is wonderful!

  • Tobias Schreiber says:

    Thank you.Very helpful

  • Elisa says:

    Interesting, this teaching allowed meto touche the suffering that was beyond consciousness. Thanks. I wonder how to access the 2 other videos…

  • Beth says:

    I judge myself as a mom & wife. I’m hardest on myself for feeling as if I’m not “doing” or “being” enough”. In reality, I know I am. Being mindful and compassionate to myself -when I practice- really does help. It brings me back to reality and out of my thinking mind.

  • Jen says:

    I’m judging myself for not putting myself out there more and having a partner in life to go through this hard time with. Mindfulness and self compassion can help me to be kinder to myself during this time and love myself through a challenging experience while also realizing that we are all going through this together and just because I don’t have a partner, I am not alone in this.

    • cindy says:

      Jen, I’m so glad you posted this-I have no partner either and I started thinking I was inferior to my friends who are married or have a partner. I am trying hard to stay connected to them by reminding myself I am a worthy person.

  • Sarah says:

    It was easier in the past to entertain a critical voice telling myself “what!s wrong with you? You could do better. “ It was easier to be my worst enemy rather than my best friend. Thank you for the reminder to be self compassionate, especially during this time of economic challenge. I need to believe in myself and teach others to do so as well. Thank you for your kind and inspiring message.

  • Moly says:

    My daughter decided to cut me out of her life. She hasn’t let me know if there will ever be a chance for reconciliation. I, of course, began a phase of intense self blame. After months of this I am pulling out, recognizing that while I may not have been a perfect mother, this choice of my daughter’s is about something she needs now. And what I need to do is recognize her suffering, and my own in the wake of her choice. I need to be here for me with kindness and grace and space. Thank you for reaffirming that.

    • Linda says:

      My (2) daughters and I go through this pulling away from each other often! When they come around, they act as if nothing happened and don’t care to talk it out, which, I think leads to reoccurrences. If it isn’t talked out and brought out into the open, nothing seems to get resolved. Not a satisfactory solution, and results in the recurring cycle of self-blame. All I can do is be kind to myself during these times. If nothing else, take a nap!

    • Kelly says:

      Moly
      I went through this with my own amazing daughter and it was incredibly painful. It lasted 3 years and I thought we would never be the same. And we aren’t, we’re better. I was so grateful that she was doing her own growthful work during that time. I could not relate more to how you felt in the aftermath of her decision. I am SO inspired to see where your heart has settled within your own circumstances. You could not be at a better, more loving and self compassionate place. Even beyond that, the unconditional love and space you’ve created in the acceptance of your daughter’s choice, is a beautiful grace. That grace opens the field of possibility for true growth and healing to occur. My heart is with you, continue to be loving and kind to yourself Moly. You are so worthy. ❤

    • Laurie says:

      I have been through acertain of this this myself, although my daughter hasn’t completely cut off communication. It was this deep and inescapable pain that gave me access to self- compassion. When I felt self- compassion (with the help of Kristen Neff’s teachings) , I also felt a source of wisdom that I never knew existed. Really transformative.

    • Marilyn says:

      My sister would not talk to me at all a few years ago. I wrote her a letter telling her all the things I genuinely appreciated about her. We spent quality time together, and she left on a trip the next day. She later disappeared in the backcountry and is presumed to be dead. I am so grateful I wrote that letter!!

    • Beverley says:

      Blessings to you both. What a positive way to look upon a difficult situation.

    • Jennifer says:

      Sounds wise. Love her and give her space to grow. Love yourself. And that all is well.

    • Manju says:

      No one is perfect. Take care of yourself and prepare to be there for her when she eventually opens up to you.

  • Francis says:

    I am being pressured to do something. And because I don’t think that it is wise I’m doubting my feelings about the person and circumstances pressuring me to act . In short I am feeling badly about myself.

    • Linda says:

      Trust your instincts, Francis! That is part of self-compassion. Your doubts are your navigation system and your emotions are how your inner Self speaks to you about it. Don’t misinterpret those emotions to be judgement about yourself, but rather a warning about the situation.

    • Kathy says:

      Follow your heart ❤️ You know best what is right for you. ☮️🕊🙏🌈🦋💕🌞

    • Stefania says:

      Trust your instincts!

  • Amy says:

    A good elementary tutorial in this time of coronavirus.
    I appreciated Dr Neff’s casual and personable affect

  • Carol Duckwall says:

    Consistently notice where my attention is.

  • Sarah says:

    When i filed for divorce, i was very hard on myself because i knew i needed to do it sooner, but didn’t. I placed full blame on myself instead of only owning my part in the failed relationship.
    Had i been moe self compassionate early on, i could have been in less shame and more in learning mode. I could have shown myself love and logic about the situation. I finally got there, but it took a lot longer than it could have with self compassion.

    • Linda says:

      Yes, the only way to get “through it” is to feel the feelings and accept the situation for what it is. I, too, stayed in the situation much longer than I should have, thinking logically that I could handle it, but the truth is, the longer one stays and endures the “bad” situation, the longer it takes to heal emotionally. Sometimes all we can do is feel.

    • Barbara says:

      I am now seeing the thought ‘ I. can’t/don’t do relationships’ as self blame and lacking compassion. Being kind and gentle to self would be better.

    • Julie says:

      Yes Sarah, you are not the experience’ but more so the observer’ of the experience. Once you are able to step back – then you get to see the bigger picture of YOUR life. Well done!

    • Julia says:

      Sarah, I did the same in the past. It took me decades to realise that it takes 2 and I was not the only responsible adult in the situation. Yes I should have left earlier but I still did.
      Over the years I’ve been harsh on myself for many reasons but hopefully practicing self compassion will allow me to cope better. Well done us – we got there in the end. Wishing you health and happiness

  • Wendy says:

    There was a time that there was only a harsh and judgemental self, luckily I learned to connect with myself, to see the voices are my supporters and allies and learned to be gentile with all of me. Self Compassion is a great healer in that process.

  • Deanne says:

    Myself judgment of being unable to pay my bills and criticism that I should’ve saved for an emergency like this I feel worse ; meditating and faith in the infinite possibilities of the universe has me vibrate at a higher level and come up with more resources

    • Beth says:

      Deanne, I’ve been there with the bills. For years, I struggled paycheck to paycheck. Many times putting bills off to the next month and creating a vicious cycle. The energy I had around money and bills was always dark, negative and dread. Once I was able to really look at it, I could start changing my thoughts and energy around it all. A big help for me was a documentary called The Secret. Maybe you’ve heard of it.? I watched it once. I guess I wasn’t really ready the first time, but when I watched it a couple of months later, something click and shifted for me. Within 6 months my life changed. Unexplainable, but I no longer live that way and I will never go back. I know the fear and shame in living that way. I feel for you. You can & will make the shift. See what you want, feel what it would feel like & believe it is!

      • Barbara says:

        I’m so happy to hear that The Secret was what turned your life around. That is exactly what changed my entire life. Anytime I see someone going through a hard time, I buy them that book. It changed me mentally, physically and emotionally. The greatest thing of all was that it taught me to never say anything negative about myself or the universe would bring me what I asked for. Just accept what is as your thoughts of negativity will bring you more of it. You cannot control anything in this life except your thoughts.

        • Laura says:

          The book is great also! We do our best, accept our failures AND accomplishments. There is nothing permanent, whether debt or wealth. Dave Ramsey is another resource to teach about financial freedom.

          • Laura Gessert says:

            Dave Ramsey teaches you to pay the smaller credit card balance off first he should tell people to pay down the ones with the highest interest rate . He also doesn’t not believe in whole life insurance and this why so many people have to run a Go Fund Me campaign when someone dies .

          • kyoom says:

            Well said.
            Today’s generation is not interested in saving for a rainy day. Instead they live in this moment only
            however, they are the one that seems to get all the help from the government in times of crises. Go figure!

          • White Rsbbit says:

            Please dont lump all young people into one category. My daughter, a millenial, makes a 6 figure income and saves, saves, saves. It is very hard to get government help. I am disabled and only get help with my medications. While this is anecdotal evidence, the gen y, millenials, and gen z are far more competent than you give them credit for.

          • Kristin Stewart says:

            Thank you! As one of many extremely responsible millennials I appreciate your comment! I don’t personally know any millennial that’s not working and building a future. They’re all productive members of society AND kind, caring human beings. It aggravates me that people keep trashing my generation, with all the good we’re doing.

          • Kathy T Moore says:

            It appears that kyoom knows, and is therefore referring to,
            different people than the millions that are more like youself.

          • Indrani Goradia says:

            I fully agree. I don’t like when people lump me in “
            Elderly” and when they lump millions is “ young people” The young ones today have issues we never had. They are strong.

          • rick says:

            With a young daughter who works her butt of, and has saved 20000 on a cafe workers small wages, this is not true for all. And it is much harder for many young people to save given such income inequality in the US today. This is the first generation since WWII that looks ahead with less opportunity for a comfortable life for themselves and young families than that of their parents…So sad, go figure!

          • Sy says:

            Not a nice, loving remark…helpfull? No

          • Phyllis Evelyn says:

            Laura: Dave recommends the smallest to largest bill pay since more people complete payoffs to the end. And pay-downs actually accelerate and end sooner saving the interest anyway. Secondly, He strongly recommends TERM LIFE Insurance as it covers a great deal more liability at a far lesser expense. Best of luck to you. I taught his primary course…very helpful. 6 mo expenses saved for emergency funding is very stress-reducing!

          • Kristin Stewart says:

            He suggests term life insurance instead of whole life, for very good reasons. Paying off the smallest debt first gives you momentum so that you start knocking off all the little ones and can then attack the larger ones with gazelle-like intensity! It’s a very effective strategy.

          • mary says:

            think thats correct…

          • MPG says:

            I agree with Secret, too. And Dave Ramsey is a physical way to keep yourself on track.

          • Donna says:

            Laura which David Ramsey book did you use to help you?

        • Trish says:

          Sometimes we can’t even control our thoughts. In learning mindfulness, I’ve been taught that our brain has a job to do and that is to crank out thoughts. It is our choice to decide which ones to connect with and which ones to let go. This particular concept has been key in liberating me at times.
          Thanks for everyone’s comments here. 🥰

        • Lauren says:

          What book are we talking about if you don’t mind me asking !

        • mary says:

          mostly true

    • Marsha says:

      Deanne, please don’t be too hard on yourself. I DID save and I have seen it all disappear in the stock market over the last two weeks. Despite our best efforts , we just never know.

    • D says:

      I lost my job and home, had cancer and lost my only child in a matter of months (ten plus years ago). i I share this because if I can turn things around, so can you.
      I made what seemed to me to be hard, yet sound choices: started house sitting and put my things in storage (housing is expensive), drove a reliable, economical car, no internet or cable- library dvds instead, a simple phone package with internet and put self care at the top of my list of priorities. I set up a budget (during the last recession when no one would hire an over educated, Middle aged woman at the time – I survived on a $10 per hour part-time job and began studying in a new career field. I paid school loans off (over $40,000) early and now have a fairly decent savings account. You can make conscious, meaningful decisions! Setting priorities and a plan got me back on track and utilized problem solving skills which gave me confidence. I think we learn Valuable lessons from challenging moments that instill compassion for ourselves and others- we’re all learning. I’ve found joy in simple free things (nature, daily walks, smiles, health, etc) and practice gratitude daily (10 things per day with no repeats) to turn things around.
      I believed in “One step at a time”, so I broke my goals down to manageable pieces to ensure frequent successes.
      Ah, I’ve read, “What others think of you is none of your business”- so focus on what you need to do for yourself and give your best friend (you) a hug❣️

    • Dean Carrigan says:

      I can relate so well to this. I have no savings and am making myself miserable over it . I need to soften up on myself and be my own friend now !

    • Susan Ames says:

      Thank you. Thats exactly how i feel. Susan. Blessings and hope for both of us.

    • A🌲 says:

      Wow. I really relate that Deanna. That was just what I needed to hear right now. Thank you! And, Congratulations!🎋

    • Marlena says:

      You have the important value of being self aware and not blaming others. No way could we have seen this coming. We will get through this together O:-)

    • Joann says:

      Exactly.

    • Micheline says:

      I m hard on myself. Hard to forgive and say no. The other are better and know more as per me

    • Beck says:

      Deanne, know that your challenge has been once a struggle I went through. It’s good you’re aware of your reality and you are doing the best you could to live at possible means you have to get above it. With the consequences of our decisions, we make good ones but sometimes we do bad ones too. However, the best part is we learn. Financial well being indeed creates such impact to the quality of life we aim to build. Today is the right time to take care of your finance. I suggest start off with basic concepts on finance How Money Works by Steve Siebold and Tom Mathews. This book shows sophisticated but simple how to’s to jump start your financial knowledge. Also try to be surrounded by an environment of people who are pro active positive at life , and consider working with a mentor / financial professional. Yes you hear me right, a finance professional in an organization in the financial services industry who reach out to the middle America, not only the wealthy. I wish you well and success in life.

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