Why Self-Compassion Is Important

Was there a time when you were too harsh or judgmental with yourself? How could adopting a more self-compassionate stance change things for you, for the better?

Share your reflections below!

  • Amy says:

    A good elementary tutorial in this time of coronavirus.
    I appreciated Dr Neff’s casual and personable affect

  • Carol Duckwall says:

    Consistently notice where my attention is.

  • Sarah says:

    When i filed for divorce, i was very hard on myself because i knew i needed to do it sooner, but didn’t. I placed full blame on myself instead of only owning my part in the failed relationship.
    Had i been moe self compassionate early on, i could have been in less shame and more in learning mode. I could have shown myself love and logic about the situation. I finally got there, but it took a lot longer than it could have with self compassion.

    • Linda says:

      Yes, the only way to get “through it” is to feel the feelings and accept the situation for what it is. I, too, stayed in the situation much longer than I should have, thinking logically that I could handle it, but the truth is, the longer one stays and endures the “bad” situation, the longer it takes to heal emotionally. Sometimes all we can do is feel.

    • Barbara says:

      I am now seeing the thought ‘ I. can’t/don’t do relationships’ as self blame and lacking compassion. Being kind and gentle to self would be better.

    • Julie says:

      Yes Sarah, you are not the experience’ but more so the observer’ of the experience. Once you are able to step back – then you get to see the bigger picture of YOUR life. Well done!

    • Julia says:

      Sarah, I did the same in the past. It took me decades to realise that it takes 2 and I was not the only responsible adult in the situation. Yes I should have left earlier but I still did.
      Over the years I’ve been harsh on myself for many reasons but hopefully practicing self compassion will allow me to cope better. Well done us – we got there in the end. Wishing you health and happiness

  • Wendy says:

    There was a time that there was only a harsh and judgemental self, luckily I learned to connect with myself, to see the voices are my supporters and allies and learned to be gentile with all of me. Self Compassion is a great healer in that process.

  • Deanne says:

    Myself judgment of being unable to pay my bills and criticism that I should’ve saved for an emergency like this I feel worse ; meditating and faith in the infinite possibilities of the universe has me vibrate at a higher level and come up with more resources

    • Beth says:

      Deanne, I’ve been there with the bills. For years, I struggled paycheck to paycheck. Many times putting bills off to the next month and creating a vicious cycle. The energy I had around money and bills was always dark, negative and dread. Once I was able to really look at it, I could start changing my thoughts and energy around it all. A big help for me was a documentary called The Secret. Maybe you’ve heard of it.? I watched it once. I guess I wasn’t really ready the first time, but when I watched it a couple of months later, something click and shifted for me. Within 6 months my life changed. Unexplainable, but I no longer live that way and I will never go back. I know the fear and shame in living that way. I feel for you. You can & will make the shift. See what you want, feel what it would feel like & believe it is!

      • Barbara says:

        I’m so happy to hear that The Secret was what turned your life around. That is exactly what changed my entire life. Anytime I see someone going through a hard time, I buy them that book. It changed me mentally, physically and emotionally. The greatest thing of all was that it taught me to never say anything negative about myself or the universe would bring me what I asked for. Just accept what is as your thoughts of negativity will bring you more of it. You cannot control anything in this life except your thoughts.

        • Laura says:

          The book is great also! We do our best, accept our failures AND accomplishments. There is nothing permanent, whether debt or wealth. Dave Ramsey is another resource to teach about financial freedom.

          • Laura Gessert says:

            Dave Ramsey teaches you to pay the smaller credit card balance off first he should tell people to pay down the ones with the highest interest rate . He also doesn’t not believe in whole life insurance and this why so many people have to run a Go Fund Me campaign when someone dies .

          • kyoom says:

            Well said.
            Today’s generation is not interested in saving for a rainy day. Instead they live in this moment only
            however, they are the one that seems to get all the help from the government in times of crises. Go figure!

          • White Rsbbit says:

            Please dont lump all young people into one category. My daughter, a millenial, makes a 6 figure income and saves, saves, saves. It is very hard to get government help. I am disabled and only get help with my medications. While this is anecdotal evidence, the gen y, millenials, and gen z are far more competent than you give them credit for.

          • Kristin Stewart says:

            Thank you! As one of many extremely responsible millennials I appreciate your comment! I don’t personally know any millennial that’s not working and building a future. They’re all productive members of society AND kind, caring human beings. It aggravates me that people keep trashing my generation, with all the good we’re doing.

          • Kathy T Moore says:

            It appears that kyoom knows, and is therefore referring to,
            different people than the millions that are more like youself.

          • Indrani Goradia says:

            I fully agree. I don’t like when people lump me in “
            Elderly” and when they lump millions is “ young people” The young ones today have issues we never had. They are strong.

          • mary says:


          • rick says:

            With a young daughter who works her butt of, and has saved 20000 on a cafe workers small wages, this is not true for all. And it is much harder for many young people to save given such income inequality in the US today. This is the first generation since WWII that looks ahead with less opportunity for a comfortable life for themselves and young families than that of their parents…So sad, go figure!

          • Sy says:

            Not a nice, loving remark…helpfull? No

          • Phyllis Evelyn says:

            Laura: Dave recommends the smallest to largest bill pay since more people complete payoffs to the end. And pay-downs actually accelerate and end sooner saving the interest anyway. Secondly, He strongly recommends TERM LIFE Insurance as it covers a great deal more liability at a far lesser expense. Best of luck to you. I taught his primary course…very helpful. 6 mo expenses saved for emergency funding is very stress-reducing!

          • Kristin Stewart says:

            He suggests term life insurance instead of whole life, for very good reasons. Paying off the smallest debt first gives you momentum so that you start knocking off all the little ones and can then attack the larger ones with gazelle-like intensity! It’s a very effective strategy.

          • mary says:

            think thats correct…

          • MPG says:

            I agree with Secret, too. And Dave Ramsey is a physical way to keep yourself on track.

          • Donna says:

            Laura which David Ramsey book did you use to help you?

        • Trish says:

          Sometimes we can’t even control our thoughts. In learning mindfulness, I’ve been taught that our brain has a job to do and that is to crank out thoughts. It is our choice to decide which ones to connect with and which ones to let go. This particular concept has been key in liberating me at times.
          Thanks for everyone’s comments here. 🥰

        • Lauren says:

          What book are we talking about if you don’t mind me asking !

        • mary says:

          mostly true

    • Marsha says:

      Deanne, please don’t be too hard on yourself. I DID save and I have seen it all disappear in the stock market over the last two weeks. Despite our best efforts , we just never know.

    • D says:

      I lost my job and home, had cancer and lost my only child in a matter of months (ten plus years ago). i I share this because if I can turn things around, so can you.
      I made what seemed to me to be hard, yet sound choices: started house sitting and put my things in storage (housing is expensive), drove a reliable, economical car, no internet or cable- library dvds instead, a simple phone package with internet and put self care at the top of my list of priorities. I set up a budget (during the last recession when no one would hire an over educated, Middle aged woman at the time – I survived on a $10 per hour part-time job and began studying in a new career field. I paid school loans off (over $40,000) early and now have a fairly decent savings account. You can make conscious, meaningful decisions! Setting priorities and a plan got me back on track and utilized problem solving skills which gave me confidence. I think we learn Valuable lessons from challenging moments that instill compassion for ourselves and others- we’re all learning. I’ve found joy in simple free things (nature, daily walks, smiles, health, etc) and practice gratitude daily (10 things per day with no repeats) to turn things around.
      I believed in “One step at a time”, so I broke my goals down to manageable pieces to ensure frequent successes.
      Ah, I’ve read, “What others think of you is none of your business”- so focus on what you need to do for yourself and give your best friend (you) a hug❣️

    • Dean Carrigan says:

      I can relate so well to this. I have no savings and am making myself miserable over it . I need to soften up on myself and be my own friend now !

    • Susan Ames says:

      Thank you. Thats exactly how i feel. Susan. Blessings and hope for both of us.

    • A🌲 says:

      Wow. I really relate that Deanna. That was just what I needed to hear right now. Thank you! And, Congratulations!🎋

    • Marlena says:

      You have the important value of being self aware and not blaming others. No way could we have seen this coming. We will get through this together O:-)

    • Joann says:


    • Micheline says:

      I m hard on myself. Hard to forgive and say no. The other are better and know more as per me

    • Beck says:

      Deanne, know that your challenge has been once a struggle I went through. It’s good you’re aware of your reality and you are doing the best you could to live at possible means you have to get above it. With the consequences of our decisions, we make good ones but sometimes we do bad ones too. However, the best part is we learn. Financial well being indeed creates such impact to the quality of life we aim to build. Today is the right time to take care of your finance. I suggest start off with basic concepts on finance How Money Works by Steve Siebold and Tom Mathews. This book shows sophisticated but simple how to’s to jump start your financial knowledge. Also try to be surrounded by an environment of people who are pro active positive at life , and consider working with a mentor / financial professional. Yes you hear me right, a finance professional in an organization in the financial services industry who reach out to the middle America, not only the wealthy. I wish you well and success in life.


    with Dr. Kristin Neff and Dr. Chris Germer in The Power of Self-Compassion: A Step-by-Step Training to Bring Kindness and Inner Strength to Any Moment of Your Life

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